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May 02, 2003
Hizballah Proposes 'Road-Kill Map for Peace'

(2003-05-02) -- The Palestinian social services agency, Hizballah, today proposed it's own plan to settle the age-old tensions in the Middle East.

Dubbed the "Road-Kill Map for Peace," the plan involves U.S. funding for education programs designed to teach Palestinian youth "the truth about Israel."

"We believe that only through education can peace come," said an unnamed Hizballah spokesman, "So we propose that the U.S. pay for our full cradle-to-grave education program. But it won't cost much because these kids don't last long. Once they understand the truth about Israel, it just blows their minds. And they don't come home."

by Scott Ott | Donate | | Comments (13) | More Satire | Printer-Friendly
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So how worried is the group that the United States will declare war on it, like it did on Bin Ladenís al-Qaida?
ìWe are cautious, and ready,î Al-Khalil said with a smile. ìBut weíre not concerned.î

Then the reporter shouted "boo" and Al Khalil wet his pants.

Posted by: Greyhawk at May 2, 2003 07:38 PM

Darn it Grey, I laughed so hard I wet my pants.
Good one.

Danjo
GO MARINES!

Posted by: Danjo at May 2, 2003 08:27 PM

ROFL, or at least I"d be doing that if it weren't so sad... Be careful Scott, this could earn you a fatwa, ya know. But at least you could be secure in the knowledge that your writing is 1000 times better than, some others who have earned their fatwa :)

LPB

Posted by: LogicPenaltyBox at May 2, 2003 10:56 PM

...but, but, Hamas sees itself as the social services agency!

BTW: Militants Render Terrorists Obsolete

Posted by: The Great Cosmic Joke at May 3, 2003 03:30 AM

It'll be interesting to see if the palestinean brainwashing of their children over the years to HATE, HATE, and KILL, KILL, will be instantly overcome with something as simple as a democratically appointed government.

But I suppose we should give them a fair chance to straighten up before we fix that little state sponsored terrorism project that Yassar's been cultivating for the past few decades.

Remember to Boycott france. It's the least we can do to repay our former allies and sponsors of state supported terrorism.

Posted by: Okie Dokie at May 3, 2003 08:42 AM

Okie: the same fear was expressed about the russians after seventy some odd years of communist government propaganda. It seems to have been a baseless fear as concerns most them. The average person may be uneducated but the average person has ....... average intelligence.... which is enough to see through most propaganda.

Posted by: wizegoi at May 3, 2003 09:10 PM

Wizegoi: soviet propaganda wasn't particularly successful. Unfortunately Arab/Persian propaganda is a different kettle of fish. The propaganda that keeps the whole Arab world focused on a country with fewer people than Los Angels is the world's most successful circus. It works well...

Posted by: Joshua Scholar at May 3, 2003 09:57 PM

If you couch it in terms of religion, it spots being propaganda and starts being "holy writ."

Kind of hard to convince people not to do something if they think God wants them to do it.

Posted by: some random guy at May 3, 2003 10:02 PM

The Russian propaganda was never about killing or hating all Americans. It was about the poor deluded Americans following the obviously inadequate "capitalism" system. The parallel doesn't stand.

Posted by: angua at May 4, 2003 01:28 AM

Howdy y'all,

I reckon I might wanna buy one of them there, road kill maps.

I would like to try some of that real fancy Arab quizine.

Posted by: Cletus the Slackjawed Yokel at May 4, 2003 03:35 AM

Want a roadmap for peace?

Try the Romans roadmap!

Posted by: Jericho at May 4, 2003 05:06 AM

ScrappleFace readers are intelligent enough to express themselves without obscenities. .

You really know how to hurt a guy -- I'm speechless.

FE

Posted by: E. Davis at May 4, 2003 11:53 AM

There can be no peace as long as the Jewish (Zionist-pig Baby-killers)settlements are on the West Bank map!

Posted by: Abdul the Slack-Jawed Homicide Bomber, I Mean Martyr at May 5, 2003 05:03 PM
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