Pillow fighters! Thwack!

Striking fear into the dreams of small children throughout terrorist organizations around the world,

It's......

The EU Army!??!

Any thoughts on who they'll surrender to first?

Remember to Boycott france. A stupid move like this is just one more reason why.

Chirac's EU Army

I took a long hard deeply reflective and sincere look at this statement,

Chirac's EU Army

I pondered upon the concept of a united Europe opposing America in the future,

and it has been a couple hours, I am still laughing...

for a minute or two the other day I was in doubt..
thinking maybe America was being a little harsh on Europe and there evil back stabbing ways
it wont happen again, its on now no mercy, no aid, no more monatary aid, no more no more no more Europe your dead to me as you so shall be very soon very very soon chumps

No wonder it is pronounced: Ewww!

This is unfair. Chirac had no choice but to veto a second UN resolution since his country had secretly surrendered to Iraq within 12 minutes of George W Bush announcing the threat of invasion way back in 2002. This is a strategy that has served France well. They failed to surrender in time during WW1 and lost millions of soldiers. By doing so real quick in WW2 they saved countless non-Jewish lives. They even surrendered in Vietnam in the 1950s, more than a decade before the USA got the idea!

The whole world trembles today in fear of the new army of the weak and unwilling!

Jean Chretien has magnanimously offered to send Canadian engineers and police to assist in the Coalition of the Willing's rebuilding of Iraq. What a guy!!!

I think the word to describe this is chutzpah, and if that is the correct word, then Webster's must have Chretien's picture next to it. Of course, I could easily be wrong. His picture might be next to 'supercillious', or 'snide'.

He reminds me of a guy I knew in college. He was the ultimate angle player. He used to carry a package of cigarettes with one cigarette in it in his shirt pocket. If anyone asked him for a smoke, he would take out this pack and show it to the asker who would immediately withdraw his request. After all, who would take a guy's last cigarette? All the while he had another full package in another pocket. It took us years to tumble to this. I wonder if he changed his name to Chiraq or Chretien?

Standard issue for all EU Army personnel:

Item: Flag, 8' x 10', White. Qty: 2 (never send a soldier into battle without a backup plan!)

Item: Phrasebook, multi-lingual. One entry: "I Surrender" in over 150 languages.

I can't tell how terrified I am of the Luxembourg regulars. And with the history of the French fighting(?) force, who knows what sort of power they'll wield in the world.

The sound of stomping feet goose stepping down the streets struck terror into the heart of every cockroach and sent them into a scurrying panic, until they realized it wasn't the Orkin man.

The only tank they have in Luxemboug is a WWII Patton tank as a memorial. The Luxemburgians, if thats what they are called, are great at burying American Soldiers who died defending them. Of course, you can't blame them, they share a border with France and Germany. Its the water they say.

Last time there was a united military in Europe the US and Brits had to go in a wipe them out. The Russians helped too, but only because they were attacked first. The only French that helped were the resistance, and I guess we could probably find the same group of like-minded resistors again if needed. The only reasons the Frecnh like the idea is it saves them from having to surrender to germany again if they just give up ahead of time.

you can't understand. i surrender

Okay, you got me - I laughed out loud.

Ahh... the French,
first ya get drunk with em..,
then ya date em..,
then when they get real clingy,
ya try to get rid of em...,
then they accidently shoot you with a 22 caliber pistol,
they are cleaning,
from 200 yards away,
that they have never cleaned before,
while pointing it at you,
when you are skiing,

and it's all down hill from there...

The EU Special Ops Team is absolutely terrifying, I've heard. First they drop deep behind enemy lines, disguised as lawyers and diplomats, and proceed to sign secret billion dollar business deals with corrupt terrorist governments.

It leaves the terrorist leaders dazed and confused, as they don't know whether to discontinue their torror campaign until they've made billions off of them, or to just go ahead and bomb them anyway for their abject stupidity.

(Chirac at patio cafe, slender but busty waitress with pouty lips hanging on his every word) "Dees United States leave us, ze French, wit no option but to take up arms my sweet....there, there, stop pouting...can't you not see? I am trying to have a, uh how you say, existentialist experience..."

Yankee wussies are great at bombing Canadian and British allies, defenseless women and children, and pharmaceutical factories in the Sudan, but I've notice you're not messin' around with lil'ole Kimmy from North Korea. Could it be because he has THE BOMB and could actually incinerate a few West Coast cites?
What a bunch of craven cowards!

Crankbusted:

In case you hadn't noticed, there were plenty of American friendly fire casualties too. They are tragic, but they happen. People get injured in military training exercises even in peacetime - there are just too many moving parts, especially when you start combining forces from different countries with different equipment that is not designed to work together. Accidents and friendly fire are part of the risk of doing battle - a risk that servicemen and women knowingly assume. And we all grieve for the victims when it happens, regardless of their nationality.

As for aspirin factories in the Sudan, that's what happens when we have a chickensh*t President who considers bombing from a safe altitude to be a great way to make a political statement without actually confronting the source of the problem. Clinton passed his problems on to the current administration, who at least had the guts to confront it and to put our troops on the ground and risk their safety to accomplish what needed to be done.

As for North Korea, why are you in such a hurry for us to bomb them? Kim has yet to invade another country, there is no UN resolution against him, so apparently they don't take him seriously. Why is the a US problem? He hasn't attacked us. And he's been strangely silent since we stood up to Iraq. Wonder why?

On innocent women and children, we have done everything humanly possible to minimize civilian casualties even at increased risk to our own troops. Otherwise, we could have just carpet bombed Iraq without putting a single soldier or Marine on the ground.

Grow up - the world isn't a simple place and there isn't a simple solution for everything. I guess the next time Europe, Canada, or Asia need help or ask us to foot the bill or send our troops, we should just stay home. We're criticized either way - if we abstain, we're isolationist and uncaring - if we intervene, we're war-mongering imperialists. Give me a break.

Yes, friendly fire casualties are a shame. But it was also a shame that in the Gulf War more British troops died from American fire than from Iraqi fire, and it looks that way again. It might have been nice, therefore, if our contribution to both wars could be mentioned in the victory celebrations. In the case of the Gulf War, US TV commentators refused to admit the presence of ANY non US troops and many educated Americans were apparently unaware of Britain's role.
Oh yeah, please, Americans, don't tell us how to hate the French - we've had hundreds of years of more experience of doing that. As Viz magazine once said, "The French are here to stay whether you hate them or loathe them" :-)

Steve:

Couldn't agree more - but I think (someone correct me if I'm wrong) that more Americans also died from American than Iraqi fire. But we aren't always good about giving credit where it is due. And most Americans do know (and appreciate) the efforts of the UK, Australia, and Poland in this war. And although we know you didn't fight for us, we were proud to fight with you as partners and friends. May it always be so.

Cassandra, you answered correctly Wankwusser's infantile tirade, with the amazing patience of a loving mother giving obvious answers to her three-year-old child's befuddled mind.

Wilson,
I don't think we hate the French. I mean, who can match Paris? I believe in giving credit where it's due.

Is there anyway perhaps the Brits and Yanks could find some good excuse to occupy it?

Steve,

Don't get your underwear in a bunch. We credit the support shown by the British and the other nations. We are very proud of you and your nation has shown remarkable tenacity in war and in peace. Unlike other nations and peoples, you have remembered the covenants of old.
Forgive us for our media, if we forgive you for yours.

Dear Abby:

I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a
carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia
and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a
transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling
marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are
prostitutes in Jersey City.

I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence
in Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is
currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of
sexual misconduct with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who
lives in the Bronx and is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel.

Her time there is limited as we hope to open our own brothel with her as
the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in
joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute
themselves, it would get them off the street, and hopefully, their
heroin habits.

All things considered, my main problem is this. I love my fiance` and
look forward to bringing her into the family and I certainly want to be
totally honest with her.

Should I tell her about my distant cousin who is French?

Signed,
Worried About My Reputation

VernFix:

Oh God, don't!!