While Congress debated the issue, President Bush, thrilled by the $1 influx of cash, purchased ninety-three dollars' worth of groceries on credit, and then wrote the tourist a check for forty bucks for "fueling the economy."

I say we put it in Scott's paypal jar... brilliant.

Nancy Pelosi, outraged that obviously wealthy tourists are careless enough to leave money lying around while so many people don't have enough money to take vacations, proposed a plan that would take $4 from all tourists.

The revenue will go towards a program to compensate local business owners for the drop in tourism that will inevitably result from her plan.

Fiction! Fiction I say! Proof: Exactly who in the capitol building, upon finding a dollar, would do anything other then shove it in their own pocket?

And Cassandra, you are a genius!

Bill Clinton, meanwhile, held a press conference to claim that he created such wealth in the U.S. that citizens could afford to simply toss their leftover money on the ground.

Hey! Give me back my dollar!

The argument ended when Kennedy grabbed the dollar, waddled out the door, and headed for lunch at daschel's diner.
http://www.newsmax.com/archives/articles/2001/4/18/125509.shtml

Kennedy was heading for Daschel's Bar and Grill. Emphasis on the "Bar."
They were having a special: $1 shots for oppressed working class Democrats, $10 shots for the rich fat-cat Republicans who can afford that sort of thing.

But when was the last time any of those schmucks on the Hill ever actually paid for a meal? The lobbyists are paying for those three martini lunches.

I'm sorry, but the Dems would never suggest giving the dollar to the homeless man. They would suggest using 50 cents to create a committee to discuss what to do and then the committee would decide to give the other 50 cents to a homeless activist group. That group would spend 30 cents lobbying the congress to give them more found dollars 15 cents paying their "volunteers" and overhead and then spend the last 5 cents on the local homeless.

Our homeless guy sleeping on the grate would end up with about 1/1000th of a penny from the original dollar and the Republicans, many of which gave a full dollar to a local church that uses 95 cents out of every dollar to help the homeless, will be called mean-spirited for not wanting to help the homeless in the first place, but instead wanting to steal congress' dollar and give it to their rich tourist friends.

Amen, Brother Twalsh

Actually, after a long and expensive Congressional inquiry, the owner of the dollar was revealed to be none other than George W. Bush. Under questioning, the President (who is viewed by many Democrats as too dumb to tie his own shoes) admitted that he dropped the dollar on purpose.

The dollar-dropping incident was revealed to be the opening move in a vast right-wing conspiracy to distract Congress and voters from the dismal state of the economy. An anonymous White House source revealed that Pres. Bush had been seen rubbing his hands together and mumbling, "They'll be so busy fighting over who gets this lousy dollar, they won't have time to obstruct any more economic stimulus packages"...

Boohahahaha......

Upon further investigation, Democratic representatives discovered the dollar was one they dropped after mugging the poor tourist and holding him upside down, shaking him to rattle every last penny out of his pockets. "It must have been hidden by the overhang of Ted Kenndy's belt, and we didn't notice it because we were busy rifling through the wife's purse for loose change", they explained. "So the whole argument is moot, and we will keep the dollar. Our apologies for any confusion we may have caused. We want everyone to understand that every dollar in this country belongs to us, and we will distribute it as we see fit."

my client--Al Gore--invented the dollar. It's HIS!!!!

*** ( you may ask "what was Al doing in the White House anyway?"...He also still believes he won the presidency and should be allowed to live in the Big White House he ALSO invented)*******

CLEARLY it was a liberal that found and KEPT the dollar. Anyone else from "the other camp" would have promptly used the dollar to buy a 99 cent bag of Cheetos for Scott & the Scrapple Face crew.

Mmmmmm....Cheeeetooos.

Always remember to wipe your hands carefully when feeding Cheetos to squirrels. The orange color comes off easily. Here I am feeding squirrels and pigeons while Jim goes over to take the temperature of an enraged male water buffalo with a rectal thermometer.

****"Here I am feeding squirrels and pigeons while Jim goes over to take the temperature of an enraged male water buffalo with a rectal thermometer."*****

MARLIN!!!.....JIM!!!....WHAT the hey are you doing keeping company with Michael Moore?

Editor deleted post.

Tired Of Whiners!

ya think maybe you violated the Scott Ott Good Scrapple Keeping Seal of Approval with that one?

too much UGH information???

I hope not.. I ran it through the Sherman and Peabody Joke-cleaner-upper before I posted it. I ran Madonna through it and nothing was left when it reached the end of the rinse cycle.

****tired of whiners****

"I ran Madonna through it and nothing was left when it reached the end of the rinse cycle."

....that was so un=stinkin'believably funny---you almost "redeemed" yourself from your previous, sleazious post!

Better call the EPA about the post Madonna rinse water...its now toxic waste.

I need redemption. I AM disappointed that Scott and his half-vast editorial staff deleted my post, however. After all, I beat him to the scoop on Michael Moore (check the record) posing nekkid. You'd think he'd give a great reporter like me a little leeway, I mean, look at all the chances Peter Arnett and Geraldo get!!

So what was the green fluid?

Ink?

*******So what was the green fluid?

Ink?" ( fr. Mr. Tidy Bowl)

........its antifreeze that liberals have been stocking up on because of that "chill wind" that's been blowing that really started in Follywood!

This is really good stuff.
Thank you Mr. Ott

Don't eat the green stuff....It's People! It's people....I tell you...!

Bright eyes, settle down or we're going to have to lock you up again. You are talking crazy and Dr. Zaius might want to take you away from me and Cornelius. One thing I noticed from your recent interview with Michael Moore on "Bowling for Columbine" is that you are walking a lot more like us now which is very good bright eyes. Your sooo [ ] ugly but let me give you a kiss anyway.

"Get your paws off me you Hairy Ape!"