The Iranian Fundamentalist Self-Flagulation Team has a good chance at the Gold this year.

and don't forget my favorite event, the javelin catch.

Don't forget he newly added bomblet kick. I expect Ooglay to win that one. He can kick the bull farther than anyone I have ever heard before.

And here to light the symbolic fuze, is Abdul ibn Klghbrkzgh setting off his C-4 vest.....

Talk about your "agony of defeat".

Remember, style counts for much with the judges and there's a fine art to the yelling of "Allah akbar - god is great!"

Here he goes, he is all psyched up. He is now entering the crucial strategy area of suicide bomb placement. If he is off by even a few feet it could mean the difference between 2 dead and 20. He is now walking through the schoolchildren and police, WOOOOWW! give him 25 style points for looking so calm and not drawing attention to himeself. Waiiiit, nooo waiiiitt, here he goes he is now in position .......BOOOOOMMMMM! A new record! He just got 23 kills with one blast! "It is all in the bomb making brent. He loaded a good amount of C-4 into that vest and expertly packed it with ball bearings and nails for maximum kill effect. You have to give him extra points for having his head land into the crowd, I think they are still wrestling for that trophy."
So there you have it people the winner of the suicide bomb contest is Muhammed Ali Akbar Shile Shiite-head bin longi ukvon seveni-eleveni workee. His parents will proudfully take this 25,000 dollar check sponsored by saddam Hussein "who is dead".
Now for our next event, how to properly gang rape the sister of someone who looks at you wrong.

The Target Corporation, of Minneapolis, MN has graciously agreed to provide free T-shirts (with company logo on the back) to all participants.

Scott, D**m funny!!

The Iraqi C4 team was disqualified when the IMG commission discovered a conspiracy between the Russian, French and German judges to award the gold to Iraq in exchange for Iraqi awarding the gold in hijacking to the Libyan team.

Krashum-en-Burnem, spokesman for the IMG stated ìwe will not tolerate this treachery among member nations of the IMG as we are all united in the mutual destruction of infidelsî.

and the gold medal winner of the homicide bomb event was disqualified when, after post-event testing, traces of Yassir Arafart DNA were found in what remained of his large intestine.

aghhhh, yuck Tom, but very funny I must say

I believe that the Iraqi Republican Guard Syncronized Surrender Team is training in the Cirac Belly Crawl Event as well. They only won a bronze in 1991 since Chirac was not in a posiiton to model for them at that time.

Louis Farakhan (sp?) volunteered to judge but was immediately vetoed by the French judge.

Ahhh.... Look! There goes another not-so-smart bomb! And here we have the champion, he's being shoveled up by the awards committee...

This reminds me of the Monty (Python) 'Upperclass Twit of the Year' contest.

One of the new exciting events this year is the suicide attack against a brigade of the 3rd Army battalion group. The only problem is that all the contestants were eliminated in the preliminary rounds.

Of course the Lifetime Achievement award will go to the person who successfully talked more gullable fools into killing themselves.
It's the terrorist equivalent of the stereotypical French Quarter barker or college recruiter.

"Get your virgins right here!"
"Twenty, thirty, forty and more."
"More women than you'll ever get to talk to in your whole life!"
"Step up! Right Here! Right now!"

And an Olympics for the Christians up Northern Ireland, who arenít worried about martyrdom!
And one for the Christian pedophiles ñ a Catholic priest fondling event ñ bring your kids!
And how about a Judaic event ñ bulldozing olive orchardsÖ..

"And there's the whistle! At the half, it's Lions - 14, and Christians - 0. And now a word form our sponsor..."

When it comes to blowing people up, and other wholesome entertainment, the folks in Northern Ireland are strictly minor league compared to the more fanatical Muslims. No sense of style, no panache. When was the last time there was an Irish suicide bomber? It's a mortal sin for Muslims and Catholics, but the Muslims have managed convince some fools that it is Martyrdom. If John Paul II preached a fatwah against the Prots, and said suicide bombers were martyrs, the Catholics would rule the world. Welcome to the bigs!

I agree with lafforcry, those not to bright idiots were attacked the 3rd army with pickups/suv's and automatic weapons should win. I saw the footage of that and what morons. Watching our soldiers mincemeat those vehicles with their 20mm cannons left me in amazement and happy that those genes are no longer in the gene pool (who needs chlorine when you have a howitzer!)

This just in:

The Retired Human Shields will be a part of the opening ceremonies.

They will lie on the track while bulldozers run them down as they shout "Stop! Stop!"

Mikey,

Oooo! Ooooo!(wave hand in the air) Can I drive? Please?

THis just in from Parker Brothers! The suicide bomber board-game: Splategories!

Ages 6 and up, batteries and C-4 not included.

Don't forget the "bobbing for handgrenades" competition.

Harden Stuhl Reports:

Scrapple Face Cub Reporter...Developing....

Islamic Martyr players on Olympic teams will face out-of-competition, "random suicide paraphernalia" tests under UN resolution 1589 that is sponsored by France and Germany. Under "UN" Resolution number 1589,Hans Blix and his team of specialists will begin "random suicide paraphernalia" testing ,for the 2004 Islamic Martyr Games starting July 1.

Resolution 1589, which applies to Martyrs in all Olympic sports, allows Hans Blix and his team of random "suicide paraphernalia" testers to show up unannounced at a martyrs house at any time to ask for a sample. Hans Blix commented to this reporter, "Although there is obvious evidence of suicide paraphernalia at the olympics,we may very well need extra time to verify what it is, especially if they detonate it while we are standing next to them."

Syria to Host 2004 Islamic Martyr Games...

_______________________________________________

I give has the advance the result 2004 "competitors" on the podium of human bombs
of the Islamic "games"

1/the Palestinian competitor (too hardly...he has
beaten the record of the world)

2/the Iranian competitor

3/the Algerian competitor ex_equo with syrian
competitor.

without supplementary comments...
:(

You know i wuz jus thinkin' we haven't seen a good South American futbol riot in years.

This kind of story just ticks me off. Five...four...three...two....one.........
I WIN! I WIN!