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April 28, 2003
Hillary Clinton Memoir Tops Harry Potter

(2003-04-28) -- Pre-publication sales of Sen. Hillary Clinton's long-awaited book have already bypassed J.K. Rowling's latest Harry Potter novel, outperforming all others on the New York Times best-selling fiction list.

Mrs. Clinton had received an $8 million advance for her allegory about a beautiful attorney who meets a toad who would be a prince. Despite its fanciful genre, the 576-page work will offer practical encouragement to women on some of life's everyday problems:
-- How to make something out of someone who's good for nothing.
-- Organizing and storing files.
-- Things to occupy your mind while he's working late at the office.
-- Keeping the friends you need.
-- Taking control of every last detail in your life, and the lives of those around you, so that no one can hurt you like that two-faced, philandering maggot did... ever again.

Mrs. Clinton will begin her book-signing tour at New Jersey's Paramus Park Mall in early June.

by Scott Ott | Donate | | Comments (20) | More Satire | Printer-Friendly
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Did they take out the section about changes in hairstyle?

Is the brownie recipe she used to appear more domestic going to be included in the appendices?

Posted by: Jim at April 28, 2003 04:52 PM

No No dont trust this woman..I have always had a gut bad vibe from this Lady..and her politics ..can you say socilist undertones ..not in 2004, 2008, never, if I saw her in bar lets say 25 years ago..no I will pass this one trouble you can see it in her eyes

Posted by: jp at April 28, 2003 05:14 PM

Score another for the half-vast editorial staff at Scrappleface!

Question: Will this book also be called "It Takes A Village", referring to the number of women it took to satisfy her philandering husband over the years?

I have heard of fiction books, fantasy books, and science fiction books, what category fo they have for "outright bulls**t" books?

Posted by: tired of whiners at April 28, 2003 05:20 PM

Does the book also tell us how to knock of rivals or aquaintances that know to much? I'm sure the secret of how to make them look like accidents or suicides would be a much read portion. Hey, I think the Mob could even take some notes from her!

Jim,
The brownies are bubbas favorite because of the "special ingredient" that she puts in it. The ingredient gives him the munchies as a side effect, but all he has to do is have another one and before he knows it he is losing it all over a fat young interns dress!

Posted by: Justin at April 28, 2003 06:13 PM

576 pages of "I don't recall,and "the vast right wing conspiracy" ought to be interesting.

Posted by: Mikey at April 28, 2003 06:24 PM

Why Paramus Park, Scott? Do you have something against that mall? It happens to be a very fine mall. Now, Bergen Mall...send Ms. Rodham there.

(for the sarcasm-challenged, that's a joke.)

Posted by: Josh Heit at April 28, 2003 06:35 PM

SCOTT....you were in rare form...well not really rare...this is just one of the FUNNIEST ones in the line up!

JP...it was awfully kind of you to use "Lady" in the same sentence as you referred to Hill!

...as for the book.....Michael Moore producing the film of the fictitious documentary?

As for her other book title: was there a comma between "Village and Idiot or not?

Posted by: MIghty Right Of Ya at April 28, 2003 06:35 PM

Is this the precursor to her upcoming book, "Marriage With Integrity?" I heard George Lucas has bought the rights already.

Posted by: lafforcry at April 28, 2003 09:58 PM

"It Takes A Village II" will be the exciting story of securing the New Square vote.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at April 28, 2003 10:14 PM

Yes, good stuff.

Posted by: Bill 1 at April 28, 2003 10:51 PM

It takes a Village to raise an Idiot
Winner of Witch Weekly's Most Reptilian Smile award

Uhhh did I miss anything?

What a flake.

Posted by: Lynch Family Dog at April 29, 2003 01:41 AM

Trivial Pursuit Genus IV
My Name is Hillary RodHAM, not RodMAN! (Jesse Jackson always calls her Hillary Rodman)
A Walk on the Wild Side

Genre? Howabout Tabloid Tales?
Tales from the Crypt

Stephen King could be reached for comment on Hillary attempting her hand at horror.

Posted by: Cricket at April 29, 2003 01:47 AM

wondering if her husbands favorite show is Fox's "Mr. Personality," supposes they share a bowl of popcorn and reminisce...

Posted by: AnGeL Thoughtz at April 29, 2003 03:04 AM

is there a chapter about Chelsea. She is a test tube baby you know. Cillary never let a man touch her, even Bill, but for political career reasons, they had to have a kid. I think the semen from Bill got mixed with a cocker spaniel,look at Chelsea and then at a cocker spaniel and tell me I'm wrong.

Posted by: Darth Chef at April 29, 2003 10:17 AM

Could there be any more eloquent testimony to the mendacity, duplicity, and dishonesty of the Clintons than their dealings with the two major publishing houses putting forth their memoirs? Their continued ability to wring political support, acclaim, and money from a public that would have to have been anesthetized over the last decade to avoid knowing the unsavory truths about these two is beyond astounding.

The exploits of these two lawyers certainly prove the wisdom of the old adage,"There's a sucker born every minute". Perhaps the adage is wrong. It seems that there is a legion of suckers born every minute and they are all Clinton supporters.

Posted by: Joseph at April 29, 2003 10:25 AM

Sorry to add on to what I thought was a complete post, but it has just ocurred to me that the type of people who yet worship the Clintons is the same type that cheered each of John Gotti's acquittals in his several murder trials.

Posted by: Joseph at April 29, 2003 10:36 AM

Darth, FYI: My cocker spaniel has contacted the law firm of Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe, to initiate a class action law suit to recover damages for the slander you have committed on cocker spaniels everywhere.

Posted by: tired of whiners at April 29, 2003 12:41 PM

The Clintons..
its like getting dog cr*p on your shoes
just scrape it off...and leave it alone

Posted by: jp at April 30, 2003 01:23 AM

Hillary oh, Hillary,
If only you'd become more conciliatory,
If it's Bush you disdain,
Then from Bush please refrain,
Till you grow your own set of artillery...

Posted by: Harden Stuhl at May 3, 2003 02:29 AM

Darth Chef:
How do you think it got mixed? I'm not sure I want to know... And actually, I read in Unlimited Access (a book by Gary Aldrich, one of the FBI agents detailed to the Clinton White House) that while Slick Willy was off with Gennifer Flowers, Slick Hilly was off with Vince Foster. So she was just as bad as he was, if not worse. I lost all remaining respect for the Clintons when I read that book.

And a nasty-insensitive-mean-spirited-clinton-hater-right-wing-conspiracy joke:

Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer and a corrupt politician?

A: Chelsea Clinton.

I think we should give the Clintons to the French. They would get along well with Jacques chIRAQ.

Posted by: Ken Stein at May 5, 2003 12:33 AM
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