I love it.

Rummy, let me help you a bit. Here is another idea:

* In an effort to make you our ally, you must agree to joint military manuevers between the US and Iraq. Our first joint exercise will be a test to see how successful our brand new MOABs are at eliminating ground forces. Please have your Republican Guard report to your various presidential palaces and wait for our instructions. We'll be dropping in soon. Don't worry.

P.S. The above suggestion goes well with Sheryl Crow's advice about avoiding war -- just don't have enemies.

Six Requirements for Saddam to avoid war:

1. Broadcast Rush Limbaugh in Iraq twice a day.. current show plus a "Best of Rush"
(oh what the hell.. Dr Laura too)
2. Read "The Mainspring of Human Progress" 27 times, and anually thereafter.
(it is freedom Frenchie, in case you haven't read it)
3. Everyone with the last name of Hussain must become religously celibate.
(it's good for spirituality and keeps the problem from getting any bigger)
4. Iraq must make up the governent of 51% eductated women with a valid drivers license.
(they get wear, or not wear, anything they want)
5. All pictures and statues of any Hussain have to be publically destroyed under UN suppervision,
and the event is made into a national holiday.
(It's important that France and Germany watch- "observe" this ceremony)
6. Saddam's entire male kin has to live where ever we find any "not-existant" toxic gasses used for WOMD.
(Spread them around... not too many in one place)

otherwise.. we need to just go and irradicate the problem... anyting short of these demands will only make it so we have to come back again in about 12 years or so.

Tony Blair needs to be liberated from the evil clutches of the Labour Party. Let's go to the U.N. and get a resolution.

--

Some gems from today's papers ....

Wes Pruden, the editor-in-chief of the newspaper of record, who normally toes a pretty measured and pragmatic line, observes that France has become a 'girlie' nation ...

http://washingtontimes.com/national/pruden.htm

And the only New York paper worth reading has a piece demanding retaliation against the French ...

http://www.nypost.com/postopinion/opedcolumnists/70498.htm

And The Slate's Saddameter is holding steady at 99% chance of imminent invasion ...

http://cagle.slate.msn.com/media/80/saddameter_graph.gif

Note the link to a NY Times (shiver) poll which reflects growing(?) support for the Iraq phase of the war on terrorism. It's actually been around two-thirds for months and months. Of course, these numbers continue to be ignored by large numbers of lefties, who have been talking about 'increasingly divided public opinion' and 'growing oppostion' for months.

If only printing something made it so. Meanwhile, the lefties continue to avoid commenting on the Stalinists and Islamists organizing the appeasement movement.

See ...

http://frontpagemag.com/

... for everything Big Media would rather Americans not know about the appeasers and their allies.

Whoops ...

The Saddameter is here:

http://slate.msn.com/id/2079943/

Keith, good sites.

How about this resolution:
1. Hussein publicly drinks 1 WMD containin VX
2. The Iraqi army surrenders immedietly

If not, lets do it already. DUH-plomacy hasn't worked and will not work. Vetos will come no matter what, so it is time to piss of the world and show just how strong we are.

Rumsfeld Adds More Ways for Iraq to Avoid War

1.RUN
2.RUN FAST
3.RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN
4.RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN

Walker,
5. Run and hide in a cave 'cause we're comin' to get 'ya

This is just to good.
http://www.nypost.com/delonas/2003/022003.htm

OK, just one more ...

In 1978, a Russian thinker outlined what he saw as the inevitable decline of the West because of its blurry morality and contempt for courage. The West he described then, he saw as uniform (at the time, easy mistake -- Americans had for mysterious reasons decided a man[?] like Jimmy Carter was somehow fit for the Presidency). But the West he described then is still an accurate picture of the Europe today represented by the Allies Of Evil, Prance and Wormany ...

Here's the article:

http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/002/347nmolx.asp

He also believed it would be impossible for a leader like George W. Bush (or Reagan for that matter) to emerge in the West, and correctly predicted how such a leader would be scorned and derided by the Eurotrash and their deluded goo-goo admirers here in America (read 'Democrats').

Once again we are reminded that the course of history is steered by strong, visionary leaders and not by chattering, conformist elites and the spokesmen that claim to lead them, but in fact gutlessly follow an empty policy of spineless consensus and maximum populist appeal.

(We need to retire the old images of our two political parties; the donkey and the elephant are just unilluminating ... I propose the American eagle for the G.O.P. and a jellyfish wearing a beret and waving the French flag* for the Democrats).

* their world-famous solid white one, of course

Keith,
Great article. I think Bush should take to heart those remarks and decide that he should ignore the critics and do what is right. We saw his true personality after 9/11 when he spoke from the heart, it is time for that Bush to emerge once again.

The other part of that article that jumped to my attention was about the conformist elitists. Doesn't Clinton fit that role and many of his cohorts? Daschle seems to change his opionion when a Republican enters office (note his stance on Iraq, against (Bush 41), for Clinton, against (Bush 43)). That article has come true, but Bush should show him that there is a courageous, strong leader that is willing do do what is right.

That white flag waiving jellyfish should be standing behind various dictators and smooching there buttocks and that will show their true rationale.

"Listen to me. I did not have sex with that WMD"

Donald Rumsfeld: coolest Secretary of Defense... evah..!

And before we let Saddam's army leave the field, Saddam must present himself to the American Army, place his head between his knees, and kiss his own arse.

Riyadh delenda est!

Hollywood---Martin Sheen announced today that he is actually a George Bush supporter! "I have been playing the role of a low-life, scum-sucking, anti-war liberal, to prove what an excellant actor I am! I fooled everyone! I actually voted for GWB! Now let's all go to Iraq, and bring back Saddam's head on a stick! LET'S ROLL!"

It was impossible for a leader like dubya to emerge back then... people were smarter then!

Another Dubya joke! Prepare to be offended and reflexively bash me as anti-american!
What is the difference between George W Bush and Hitler? Its not that they both insist on invading countries, its not that they both bash pacifists for weakening the country, its not that they both degraded civil rights, its not that they both got their countries closer to 1984.
Its that Hitler actually got a majority of the votes.

And the whole freedom fries thing... I think thats stupid. Oh well I might as well be PC (Patriotically Correct) and commence freedom kissing my girlfriend....

justin:
haaa caves :D yes !
Don R.has 21,000 reasons why they should hide in caves..late yesterday afternoon
heres one
1.MOAB

Angry,
We don't mean to bash you. It's just the predictable,
baseless lies and same-old-deceits are so tiresome after a very short while.

It's 2003. Get over it. Al Gore was a loser, but you don't have to be.

Pull up your panties, kiss your boyfriend any way you like and look expectantly into the rising sun for the next great democratic hopeful to come riding up on his charger.

Seriously though, while you're waiting I would like to talk to you about an NRA sponsored timeshare I know is just perfect for you and your partner.

Scott, thanks for another gem.

To all the regular faces, thanks. You make my day.

God bless the US!

Angry,
Why would you say we were smarter then? Because we let carter get away with giving us a 10%+ inflation rate, or because we had the patients to sit in long gas lines every other day, and pay $1.00+ for gas instead of the 32 cents a gallon we were paying before he took office? I was there then, and I just don't understand your remark??????
carter was not smart then, and hasn't learned anything since.

Now I'm confused again. RATS!

Here's another condition:

Saddam will be greased like a pig and led around on all fours by George W, with a little French poodle collar and lead, while on the campaign trail, stopping occasionally to allow Saddam to sniff the glove.

Definitely a winner with the public plus a nice deterrent for other would be tyrants

Breaking news:

The pope shows up at the UN and declares that he is opposed to war.

Mr Bush, apparently shaken by the news declared:
- I am very surprised. Mr pope had always been a close ally and has never complained about our decisions.If pope is not with us he is against us.

Mr Powel said:
- If pope continues with his anti-American campaign, he will not be looked upon favorably.We will boycott the products from the Vatican.

Mr Rumsfeld said: Who cares,pope is just a weasel from the old world. We have built all those churches for this dude and look how he thanks us.

Has anybody noticed that in this go-round satire is used by the conservative side, while feeble jokes and slogans (see Angry above or the equally compelling "Buck Fush" - that's convincing!) seem to be the main heavy artillery of the more pompous liberal establishment. (Political satire, Mr Angry, requires a target that in a way invites the attack due to the ridiculous nature of their position. This is why your side can't use it in this current situation. This might be the real reason you are Angry. Note "Bush is a big fat dummy" is not satire) How the brightest of the left must wince in pain when seeing clearly the truth between the lines of every "news" story here. Keep going Scott, you're in what we in my business call a target rich environment. Keep the faith people!

And PS - does anyone know a liberal satire current events site? (The Onion doesn't count) As a bonus it could also be funny, but I think I'm asking for too much. Really, if anyone knows of one they can post it and we can go see how the other half thinks. Anybody? Hello? Please? I promise I'll come back...

Angry Liberal-

(actually that's redundant, every liberal is angry)

First of all, Bush never 'bashed pacifists for weakening the country'. He has always said that people are free to disagree.

Secondly, When people state their opinion on an issue such as Iraq, it is done to change the minds of undecided people, right? The mistake you and anti-war protesters make is that you go waaaayyyy overboard in your criticism. Comparing Bush to Hitler is not only silly and not only an offense to Jewish people - it is even offensive to those whose minds you hope to change. So in the end, your extremist argument defeats your intent.

Seriously - Bush is like Hitler???? A man who killed millions of Jews?? Just think about how ridiculous that is.

It's ok to disagree with the President. It's ok to say that you are against war. But comparisons of a U.S. President to a murderous tyrant just shows the average person that you do not know what your talking about.

I would ask you to go to another country and live there for a while. You'll come back with more respect for the U.S. and our President, even if you disagree with his policies.

Oh, and if Gore had won, all of those prisoners in Gitmo would have defense attorneys and half price tuition to U.S. colleges.

Ameri-can, most of the prisoners at Gitmo are probably graduates of American colleges.

Greyhawk -

Don't know if I'd go that far, but judging by the number of suicide attempts, maybe they're Berkeley grads...

I do like the education they're getting NOW...

Ameri-can,
You are absolutely right about having these people go live in another country for some time. I had the opportunity to live in Chile for 2 years and I can't explain the emotions I had when I came home. All I know is that when I went to a sporting event soon after, saw the flag and heard the star spangled banner, I had to wipe away the tears. I didn't care that a womanizer was in the white house, I was just glad to be home.

Angry,
You are entitled to your opinion and you are lucky to live where you can have one. You may see GWB as a "big dummy" but he is a lot smarter than you and many others in the liberal establishment (you all underestimated him once, will you do it again?). You may hate Bush, but support what is right.

Op. French Fries,
Once again we disagree. What are you so mad about. I know it must suck to be French, but look where we are coming from. You people are back stabbing elitists who would sell anything to anybody to make a buck. That would make france a prostitute. It is high time to boycott and it is starting to gain ground in congress. Our leaders will soon have to listen to the angry outcry and punish you all for misbehaving.
toodles

Here's where the Frenchman is getting his info. I suspect those who take the time to read this will find it quite stimulating...

'The Real Reasons for the Upcoming War With Iraq: A Macroeconomic and Geostrategic Analysis of the Unspoken Truth'

http://www.ratical.org/ratville/CAH/RRiraqWar.html

Excerpt:

"We must ask ourselves this fundamental question: Is it morally defensible to deploy our brave but naÔve young soldiers around the globe to enforce U.S. dollar hegemony for global oil transactions via the barrels of their guns? Will we allow imperialist conquest of the Middle East to feed our excessive oil consumption, while ignoring the duplicitous overthrowing of a democratically elected government in Latin America? Is it acceptable for a U.S. President to threaten military force upon OPEC nation state(s) because of their sovereign choice of currency regarding their oil exports? I concur with Dr. Peter Dale Scott's sentiments on these questions:

". . . hopefully decent Americans will protest the notion that it is appropriate to rain missiles and bombs upon civilians of another country, who have had little or nothing to do with this (financial) crisis of America's own making. . . .

". . . A multilateral approach to these core problems is the only way to proceed. The US is strong enough to dominate the world militarily. Economically it is in decline, less and less competitive, and increasingly in debt. The Bush peoples' intention appears to be to override economic realities with military ones, as if there were no risk of economic retribution. They should be mindful of Britain's humiliating retreat from Suez in 1956, a retreat forced on it by the United States as a condition for propping up the failing British pound. [19]

Paradoxically, this administration's belligerent policies may bring about the very outcome they hope to prevent -- an OPEC currency switch to euros. Informed patriots realize that militant imperialist over-reach is not only detrimental to our international status, but may also in turn create severe damage to our economic stability. Thus, remaining silent is not only misguided, but false patriotism. We must not stand silent and watch our country become a `rogue' superpower, relying on brute force, thereby forcing the developed nations or OPEC to abandon the dollar standard -- and with the mere stroke of a pen -- slay the U.S. Empire."

Greyhawk, hereís some sites to check out. I would recommend an adult beverage or two to maximize effect prior to rolling:

http://www.b-liberal.com/liberal-news.htm

Thereís this one http://www.ironictimes.com/ but they can only do headlines, apparently not enough attention span for complete stories, and no forum.

I tried www.MichaelMoore.com but his forum is ìdownî, Frenchman, do you know how long itís been this way?

Hereís a serious news site, if you can really take it seriously.
http://www.the-hamster.com/

I couldnít find an official Al Franken website, but if you go here, http://assembly.nerdworld.com/assembly.asp?assembly=ALFRANKEN.ASSEMBLY

You can read some really enlightened comments from the left wingers, although the most recent update was in 2000. Some of the really intelligent quotes include

ìRepublicans sided with the Terrorists! Its nice to know that right-wing religious fanatics of all reÖ
Rush looked like the stupid fat a**\ he is yesterday. Apparently Rush supports terrorists bombing our embassies. I don't even think that Fat Blob is an American!î

As far as I can tell, there is nothing on the other side that remotely compares to Scrappleface.

Keith, that first website is hylarious! Especially Lecter's quote, "I like the French. They taste just like chicken." and Patton's infamious, "I'd rather have Germans in front of me than French behind me!"

Washington----France is now pushing for a 'Rolling Deadline' for Iraq. French President Chirac said, "We now are requesting a deadline that can be easily moved, as with those coaster things that you put under heavy furniture they sell on your cable T.V. late at night! That way we can move the deadline whenever, and wherever we want!"

Okie Dokie to Angry Liberal: "Pull up your panties, kiss your boyfriend any way you like..."

O.D.,
I couldn't agree less with A.L.'s view on the war and more with yours. You're right - Sadaam has got to go, the war is moral and right (or will be if we ever stop worrying about how the French feel and actually get on with it!), and the "peace" movement is outrageous.
But what gave you the impression that A.L. is gay?? It was nothing he wrote, so I assume it's because either (1)in your world anti-American=idiotic and weak=gay, or (2)you think those who agree with you on the war and liberation of victimized populations also agree that it's OK to bash gay people. Either way, you're wrong.

To paraphrase you:

"O.D.: It's 2003. Get over it. [Y]ou don't have to be [a loser]. Accept that gays don't 'choose' a lifestyle you happen not to like, but are what they are, because they are what they are. Gays don't want to hurt you, hurt your family or children, or tell you how to live your life. Some may wear panties, just like a lot of hetero cross-dressers do, some are pedophiliacs just like some heteros are. Most gays are "normal" middle-class people with the same values as the mainstream, although admittedly they are over-represented among the Hollywood and New York "elite" peacenik-types. I believe part of the reason for that is that that group, for all their obnixious faults, at least accepts gays for what they are. If those in the "mainstream" who feel like you apparently do about gays, were truer to your values of freedom and the right of persons to be let alone to live as they please, and to write, think, and believe as they please(obviously within the framework of a government protecting us from harm by others), you just might find that gays as a group are a whole lot more "normal" than it may appear to you."

Scott: this is a great site - just discovered it and love it!!

P.S. to O.D. - what do you think of Andrew Sullivan? Do you think he wears panties?

Phrog -- broadcasting Dr. Laura into Iraq is brilliant. The Iraqi people would revolt in no time, if for no better reason than simply to get her off the air!

"franko" wrote:
the war is moral and right
----
The war is moral? War is *NEVER* a moral course of action. Nor is it ever the right course of action. War, at least in this case, is merely the less wrong course of action to take. Geez, no wonder Europe thinks America has conquistador fever.

Yes, we should go after Saddam, but only because the other choices would be even worse.

Moral Shmoral, I would rather drop a MO on their goat bar-b-q than have a light coating of anthrax on my burger one day.

yeah Blue Ninja.. wurx 4 me...
I only tossed Dr Laura into the deal becuase she already hates men...
so Iraqi/Muslem men would be a no brainer... plus she is Jewish...
If its a deal killer... it could be negotiated... like no re-runs for her.

Pooke
Thank you for the effort. Indeed, these sites are rather pathetic. The Hamster begs for parody, but why bother? Now I must expand my original question. Are there liberal satire sites where we can post comment, or does the fear of free speech prevent them from allowing posts? Or does the thought of inviting others opinions never occur to them? Or does the idea that someone disagrees with them seem preposterous? (And too bad that the Frenchman is to full of himself to ever get the jab you gave him in your post.) Come on, you smart libs out there! There has to be one of you sharp enough to compete with Scrapple? With that right combination of sense of humor, political savvy, and html knowledge to bring in 1000's of hits and ignite commentary from all sides? Anybody? Hello? Anyone?

blue ninja - i disagree

war IS a moral option. I believe too many people confuse the word "moral" with "awful", "horrific" and "dangerous". "Moral" doesn't mean "easy" or "nice". Moral means doing the right thing, however difficult.

Hard does not equal immoral.

TO: Angry_Liberal
RE: "it was impossible for a leader like dubya to emerge back then... people were smarter then !

All I have to say about that is - after 9/11, every last person I spoke to, EVEN THOSE WHO HAD VOTED FOR GORE, said their first thought was "my god, what if Gore was been elected President? Thank God Bush is there!"
Swear to God.

AHA, Blue Ninja is a young quasi-liberal who is seeking enlightenment and is ready to switch to the winning team. Be easy on him.
And I must echo my previous post here. Hope you don't mind.

Barksdale Air Force Base, Sep 11, 2001. The President of the US addresses a shocked world. On the runway, wingtip to wingtip, the B52 fleet sits, fueled and loaded. Think about it. The first thing he saw when he got there and the last when he left, firepower the likes of which few can imagine, and his finger on the "trigger". The images of the fallen towers, a smoking hole in the Pentagon, and a crater in Pennsylvania fresh in everyone's mind. Shock and quiet rage prevail nationwide. Restraint? You better believe it, and thank God (and I mean it, thank God) the right man was in charge. Rush to war? Not then, not now, not ever. Let's roll.

Angry, Hitler did not "bash" the pacifists; they were the main reason for his success in taking over most of Europe.

Stalin called pacifists "useful idiots."

You think Saddam, who idolizes Uncle Joe, has any respect for the new breed of flower-children?

And what do you think the Iraqi people, when they are finally free from his grip, will think of those who foamed at the mouth this whole time in desperate support for their continued suffering? Don't expect a free Iraq to praise the "peace" marchers.

Expect them to be remembered merely as the Hanoi Janes of the new Millennium.

does anyone know a liberal satire current events site?
Anybody? Hello? Please? I promise I'll come back...
Posted by: Greyhawk on March 13, 2003 06:25 AM
***********************
YES IN FACT I DO
THE KGB.COM
KIM JUNG ILL.COM
SADDAM.COM
OSAMA.COM
JIHAD.COM
HELP THE TERRORIST.COM

I think the war effort is going really well and successful.I heard that we fought a city south of Baghdad and we killed around 150-500 Iraqi turbies,and no casualties for us!!! WHOOO HOOO go U.S.A.!For all you Saddam but-kissers;i've got one thing to say;go live with Saddam and get bombed with him.U.S.A. will prevail.I just love Bush and I think he is doing a great job.God bless America!!!

Boys: First learn how to spell...Next, try hard to think logically and intelligently. Next - knock off the silly name calling and express yourselves with a clear and reasonable argument or debate. Most importantly, if you expect to be taken seriously or have a positive effect on anyone, treat human beings with dignity and respect. If you were my sons I'd spank you..Shame on you...Just behave yourselves.