Freaking hillarious!!

FRENCH FIRM SELLS NEW FLAG TECHNOLOGY TO IRAQ

Intelligence sources report that a Paris-based firm has recently sold France's latest military breakthrough to the Iraqi government. The new technology, which France has spent decades and trillions of euros developing, is known as 'Velcreaux' and allows the red and blue fields of the French national flag to be quickly removed, thus producing France's world-famous solid white battle flag.

Iraqi generals are said to be very keen to adapt the technology to their own flags, and technicians are currently working around the clock to convert the dangerously obsolete older versions.

---

In related news, the French military has adopted a new motto, recently popularized by French diplomats and political leaders. The beloved "War is always a failure" mantra will soon be added to all military vehicles and equipment, as well as all uniforms.

DATELINE WASHINGTON
CHANNEL 8 NEWS TEAM

THIS JUST IN

IN THE SCOOP OF THE YEAR CHANNEL 8 HAS JUST LEARNED THAT THE IRAQ WAR IS JUST THE TIP OF AN ICEBERG.

RELIABLE SOURCES CONFIRM THAT A TIMELINE FOR "WORLD LIBERATION" IS IN PLACE.

"IRAQ SHOULDN'T TAKE MORE THAN A FEW DAYS" SAYS ONE SOURCE. "THE QUESTION THEN IS THIS: WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH OUR 300,000 BRAVE MEN AND WOMEN AFTER THAT?"

"WE HAVE THEM OVER THERE. THE IDEA IS TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT. THERE ARE PLENTY OF COUNTRIES THAT NEED

LIBERATION. IRAN IS JUST NEXT DOOR. SYRIA AND PALESTINE ARE CLOSE BY. HELL - WE COULD HAVE THE ENTIRE MIDEAST LIBERATED BY THE END OF MARCH." HE SAYS.

WHEN PRESSED, ANOTHER SOURCE EVEN HINTED AT FURTHER ACTIONS: "WE HAVE ENOUGH TROOPS IN GERMANY ALREADY. SEND A FEW OVER TO FRANCE - AND WE HAVE GOT A UNITED STATES OF EUROPE. THE WORLD IS GOING TO THANK US."

WHEN ASKED ABOUT NORTH KOREA, BOTH OUR SOURCES DECLINED TO ELABORATE - STATING "SECURITY REASONS".

THE WHITE HOUSE WOULD NOT COMMENT.

THIS IS A BREAKING STORY. WE WILL KEEP YOU INFORMED AS WE GET MORE INFORMATION.

Let the French know what you think of them.

Go to this link to the French Embasy in USA to let them know!

Let them know that we wouldn't think twice about waxing them, but they ain't worth the cost of the wax.

http://www.info-france-usa.org/contactus.asp

I have given this much consideration. The French usto be the best at many things,having pride, they took our money all the while treating us rudely. Now I see that the only thing the French do better than any one elce is....Rudeness....and goodness knows at least they are good at that.

To use liberally on the French :

"ferme ta grande guele" individually

"fermez votre grandes gueles" more than one

Rough translation shut your animal mouth. Only use it on one whom you wish to insult. Oh hell, use on all of them. It is well understood. Try it you'll like and they will appreciate your use of their lingo.

Bonne chance mes amis.

Mirage: somethng insubstantial or illusory.

French fighters called Mirage. HA!

RECENTLY FOR SALE ON EBAY:

FRENCH RIFLES - DUTCH AUCTION!

Qty: 177,250 Opening Bid: .01

These High Quality Rifles are of the finest German steel. Most are in perfect condition, none have been fired! All will have slight blemishes from being dropped, and a few will have pieces of duct tape where (white flag) poles were taped to the barrel - a little goof-off should do the trick on the stubborn ones. A thorough cleaning is advised due to preservation with Iraqi "gun" oil. Good Luck and Happy Bidding!!

No abla Wussiese, Ray.

It is reasuring however, to know that it is french "hardware" that we have to defeat.

What's the deal? Are we being outbid by HS for the french vote ?

BUSH 41 NAMED SPECIAL ENVOY TO FRANCE

Former President George H. W. Bush has been named special envoy to France, where insider sources say he will exercise a diplomatic technique he personally perfected on a visit to Japan during his presidency.

"It was his idea actually, and everyone in the current administration liked it instantly," a senior official explained. "Basically he'll be over there vomitting on Chirac as often as possible. We think it will represent our present regard for the French more thoroughly than words allow."

"vomitting on Chirac"

They'll just think it's more of their pathetic cheese.

This is true story... I vistited Paris in 1972 on a three day Service Club tour from Germany.. from Ashaffenburg, Germany where I was stationed in the Army.

I went into "quaint" a little sidewalk resturant in Paris, and becuase I could not read the menu.. in French.. I just took the menu and pointed (for the very cute waitress) to something on it... What the heck? Columbus took a chance.. you know?

When she finally (very slow service) brought it out.. it was a "cheese special" .. small wedges of about 9 different kinds of cheese.. and a roll of.. "garlic" bread.

The bread and just two of the cheeses were edible.(and I wasn't planning on kissing anyone at the time, or the smell alone would have prohibited me from even tasting them all) But ... None of it was actually "good"... I think it converted into about a $7 waste. I admit it... I haven't acqurired the cultured taste. I'll take 99 cent "Whopper" any day.

to ray :

excuse me ray, but in french...

"ferme ta grande gueule" individually

"fermez vos grandes gueules" more than one...

by amigo !!!
;)

Ils sont poires toujours, les francaises.

Frenchman were are you?
Have you surrendered without telling us?
C-mon don't be a killjoy. Give us a good fight.
We'll handle you with care.

to La Fayette :

excuse me ray, but in french...

"ferme ta grande gueule" individually

"fermez vos grandes gueules" more than one...

by amigo !!!
;)

Posted by: la_fayette on March 9, 2003 11:18 AM

Monsieur,

Est-ce bien convenable de la part d'un Francais d'apprendre a nos arrogants et incultes correspondants comment nous insulter ?

FRENCHIE!!!!! Have you lost the urge to debate with us??? Are you tired of bringing your opinions or 100+ year old stories to a debate of current facts?? I would be. That must get old, being slapped around by all these facts and only being able to bring up facts of over a hundred years ago. Hell, we probably have more facts on France's past 20 years of indiscretions than you do on the US's 200+ years. It's a shame and un-fair, we know. But that's what one like you must deal with when bringing opinions to a fact debate, much like bringing a knife to a gun fight.

Dusty.

Monsieur,

Est-ce bien convenable de la part d'un Francais d'apprendre a nos arrogants et incultes correspondants comment nous insulter ?

Posted by frenchenglishman...
__________________________________________

bien sur que c'est convenable cher frenchenglishman,

pouvez vous je vous prie traduire ceci pour RAY,
(car je dois reconnaitre que votre anglais et
bien meilleur que le mien...)

"Va manger du savon...!"
http://www.tf1.fr/news/multimedia/0,,956533,00.html

bon je sais que pour l'accent il va avoir
du mal l'ami Ray...mais bon !!!

Excuse me but didn't I read something on the net, possibly this site, that announced that commensurate with our offensive against Iraq, we also intended to bombard France with bombs made of Velveeta? I believe that the Geneva Convention would frown on this move and that the French could be endangered by the dropping of their weapons on their toes as they attempted to rid their land of this vile scourage. They were hoping for Brie.

HA HA HA HA HA HA......
Thanks for the Flag bit Keith......Very nice.

I would like to see a squadron of those mirage jets go up against just a couple of our brand new F-22 Raptors. It would be like Lamborghinis compared to Yogos! It would depend if they fight or just escape to Iran again...

Keep up the good fight guys. We are with you in mind and spirit. We are privileged to live in the greatest country on earth far and away because you guys keep us free. Thanks for everything you do. You are always in my thoughts and prayers, and I have nothing but the utmost respect, love, and gratitude for you all...there simply are no words. Come home safe, good luck, and Godspeed.

I think it's a disgrace for the french to take our money and our help but when we need some back up they turn away from us and desert us like the cowards they are. I will never step foot in that country and will always remember how France treated the best nation in the world. I think they just are jealous.

Shamefully ........ my grandmother was French (Canadian) and is in the lineage of many 'French' families. Thank goodness they at least had the good sense to leave France a couple hundred years ago. I can't disavow my links to this polluted gene pool but will certainly not be buying any of the products sent over here by those effete snobs.

I appologize to the rest of America and the rest of the right-thinking and courageous world for the spineless, self-centered and devious actions of those wimps across 'our' pond.

And to think my uncle gave his life, 'over there'. What a waste! It makes me sick to even consider the implications of his sacrifice.

Shame on the French! And those German Bozos - yes, I unfortunately have German relatives as well --- but that's for another time. I'm already ready to vomit at the thought of the French............

I hate France. I was there in 84 and the people sucked. They are not any better now. They can all go crap in their hats and take the freakin Germans with them...

Today it was reported that a severe earthquake has occurred in central
France. The severity was measured in excess of 10 on the Richter Scale.
The cause ----- The 56,681 dead American soldiers buried in French soil
rolling over in their graves.

According to the American Battle Monuments Commission there are 26,255
Yankees dead from World War I buried in 4 cemeteries in France.
There are 30,426 American dead from World War II buried in 6 cemeteries in France.

These 56,681 brave American heroes died in their youth to liberate a
country which is guilty of shameful unspeakable behavior in the 21st century.
May the United States of America never forget their sacrifice as we find ways to
forcefully deal with the turncoat country of France!

PASS THIS AROUND! Maybe it will get to someone 'in' France!!!

I'm not French, but I don't think you all should point fingers at France without considering the following facts:

- The U.S. sold BOTULISM to Iraq
- France sold Mirage Jest to Iraq (as discussed)
- Russia sold nuclear grade uranium to Iraq
- Britan sold bazookas to Iraq
- China sold AK-47s to Iraq

It hurts to find out that your governments (of whatever country you're from) did this or still does it and you may be in disbelief...but it's true. A whole bunch of countries, not just France has contributed to Iraq's power. If you are a citizen of any of these countries, it would be hypocritical to point fingers just at France. The very country spear-heading this war used to sell BOTULISM to Iraq, which is up to 100,000 TIMES MORE POTENT THAN SARIN GAS! The following are just some URLs that lead to news sites with this info in case you don't believe me (though you could easily find info on your own):

The Washington Times http://www.washtimes.com/national/20030307-545570.htm

Anthrax for Export
http://www.progressive.org/0901/anth0498.html

BURYING UNCOMFORTABLE NEWS ON IRAQ
http://www.cursor.org/stories/burying_news_on_iraq.htm

Sunday Herald
http://www.sundayherald.com/27572

DID THE FRENCH EVER RE-PAY THIER WORLD WAR I OR
WORLD WAR TWO DEBTS?
WHEN DE GAULE WAS IN OFFICE, DID FRANCE NOT BUY UP EVERY AMERICAN DOLLAR THEY COULD GET THIER
HANDS ON AND DEMAND GOLD FROM THE UNITED STATES?
I HAVE IN FRONT OF ME A LIST OF FRENCH OWNED
COMPANIES. I WILL NOT BE LINING THE FRENCH
POCKETS.
WHERE WOULD EUROPE BE IF WE HAD JUST DEFENDED
BRITAN AND FOUGHT IN THE PACIFIC AFTER
DEC. 7 1941.
"DON'T TREAD ON ME AND I WON'T TREAD ON YOU."
REMEMBER SEPTEMBER 11 !

Dear Abby:

I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a
carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia
and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a
transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling
marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are
prostitutes in Jersey City.

I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence
in Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is
currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of
sexual misconduct with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who
lives in the Bronx and is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel.

Her time there is limited as we hope to open our own brothel with her as
the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in
joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute
themselves, it would get them off the street, and hopefully, their
heroin habits.

All things considered, my main problem is this. I love my fiance` and
look forward to bringing her into the family and I certainly want to be
totally honest with her.

Should I tell her about my distant cousin who is French?

Signed,
Worried About My Reputation