ScrappleFace: L.A. Council Adopts Resolutions Against War, Crime

L.A. Council Adopts Resolutions Against War, Crime

(2003-02-22) -- Moments after a 9-4 vote on a resolution to oppose a U.S. war against Iraq, the Los Angeles City Council approved another measure opposing crime in L.A.

"Once we realized that we had the power to affect global policy, we decided to apply it to our own situation," said one city council member. "The criminals and gangs of L.A. now know that we oppose such behavior. That ought to take care of it."

The council hall was filled with peace protestors for the historic vote. One man and his young son were dressed in ragged clothes, bandages and fake blood. The father said they came dressed that way to dramatize his fears about children dying in a war on Iraq.

"But when they brought up the resolution about crime in L.A., I thought 'Hey, these costumes will work for that too'," he said. "When you think about it, the city council hasn't figured out how to stop the drug dealers and other terrorists in our streets. Who are they to tell the President what to do about Saddam?"

On next week's city council agenda -- a resolution to secede from the United States and become a French colony.

Comments

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Hmmmm... Well, if they can pull out the heavy artillary on CRIME, why stop there? Maybe gravity, friction and entropy would be good to abolish!

Posted by: Casey at February 22, 2003 11:39 AM

And then they could pass a resolution to abolish world hunger, poverty, and they could make everyone turn in their guns all over the world, and follow all of the 10 Commandments (mind as well be god too).

Posted by: Paul C. Tindall at February 22, 2003 12:21 PM

Inspired by this action, Janeane Garofalo has decided to run for LA City Council so that people finally start to take her serious.

Posted by: John Lemon at February 22, 2003 05:19 PM

They're saving Palestine for next month's meeting. Don't tell them about the new national arrangements there - it'll only upset them.

Posted by: Fleck at February 22, 2003 07:17 PM

At last! If the Bush administration abides by the sentiments of the LA City Council and leaves Sadaam unfettered, surely we can count on Sadaam not to hurt the children, right?

http://www.kdp.pp.se/chemical.html

In the pictures at the link above, I'm pretty certain that those children gassed themselves when their Nintendos were taken away.

---Tom Nally, New Orleans

Posted by: Tom Nally at February 22, 2003 09:40 PM

Can we get the LA City Council to please outlaw people who call technical suport because they're having trouble getting their email to work, and then say, "Oh, did you need me to turn my computer on? Hang on a minute."

If they could make that a capital crime, in fact, I'd view it as a personal favor.

Posted by: Dean Esmay at February 23, 2003 04:02 AM

The LA City Council is imposing a ban on the green-house gas, carbon dioxide. The first step is to require people living, and working in the LA area to breathe only on alternate days. After the second day it should cut down on the amount of power required to run the city as well. It will also eliminate the need to ban guns, and other means of self defense.

Posted by: Michael at February 23, 2003 10:12 AM

I hope this won't steal any publicity from the resolution by the Springdale, Utah city council.

Posted by: AST at February 24, 2003 12:37 AM

Does this meant the police helicopters won't be hovering over my apartment building every night from now on?

Posted by: Jonathan at February 24, 2003 01:43 AM

If You're Happy And You Know It Bomb Iraq - by John Robbins

If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty
North Korea is too risky,
Bomb Iraq. >>>>>More
If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think that someone's dissed us, bomb Iraq
So to hell with the inspections,
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions
Bomb Iraq.
It's pre-emptive non-aggression, bomb Iraq.
To prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.
They've got weapons we can't see,
And that's all the proof we need,
If they're not there, they must be there,
Bomb Iraq.
If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think Saddam's gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
And he tried to kill your dad,
Bomb Iraq.
If corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain't easy,
And your manhood's getting queasy,
Bomb Iraq.
Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq
Disagree? We'll call it treason
Let's make war not love this season
Even if we have no reason
Bomb Iraq

Posted by: John Robbins at February 24, 2003 08:07 AM

John, John, John...

First you join a cult and now this...

Your mother and I are very disappointed with you and the way you've turned out son.

But bless your little pointed head, you'll always be our little unspeakable tragedy.

Just say no son. If not for yourself, then for your mom who's worried sick about you ever since she found out about that incident with the dog.

Dad

Posted by: Mr. Robbins at February 24, 2003 11:01 AM

Congratulations to John for being able to cut and paste the same comment in two different sections. The public school system should be very proud.

Posted by: Robert at February 24, 2003 12:45 PM

I would bet that there are a lot of communities all over the country that would willingly adopt a resolution opposing Los Angeles. If enough oppose LA, we can declare it to be officially nonexistent.

Posted by: Opeth at February 28, 2003 01:45 AM

Mr. John Robbins,

You ëbe needing to come to Iraq 'vedy, 'vedy soon.

We are needing for more American idiots like you.

We can see that you ëare having a very high IQí of about ìnegative 4î. Most excellent! You will be fitting right in with the rest of imbeciles here.

You can survive in our desert Mr. John.

We will furnish you your own camel and a Bic lighter. You seem to have enough dung already to build your own fires.

Hugs and Kisses,
Mr. Hussein

PS: You will please be excusing my syntax as I be learning at
ìCamel Republic ëUni-farsity.î

Posted by: Saddam at March 4, 2003 10:22 AM