ScrappleFace: Survey: Web Surpasses TV As Vast Wasteland

Survey: Web Surpasses TV As Vast Wasteland

(2003-01-31) -- The Internet has replaced TV as the predominant waste of time in America, according to a survey of people who are so bored they have time to answer survey questions.

Not only are Americans spending more time with the Internet than TV, radio or newspapers, 78 percent think the Web is just as devoid of socially-redeeming value as other media.

Online media companies report being delighted with the news.

"A couple of years ago," said an unnamed industry spokesman, "we feared that the Net would never be more than a border-spanning, peer-to-peer network for learning, intellectual stimulation and alliance building. We're delighted to hear that folks are just mindlessly frittering away the hours playing games, gaping at pornography and forwarding lame jokes to each other"

The online entertainment industry's only area of concern is the threat posed by weblogs (or blogs) -- free sites which often challenge, fact-check and lampoon the traditional purveyors of news.

"If blogging ever catches on, we'll have to increase our editorial budgets, hire smarter reporters and do serious research," the spokesman said. "Otherwise, we'll look ridiculous on a daily basis."

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When asked to comment on this story, Pamela Anderson reasoned, "I'm pleased as punch the way it all worked out. My internet career took off when my TV career started to go down. My internet business is still good, but I'm taking out some old age insurance with this Kid Rock thing."

Posted by: N. Facol at January 31, 2003 08:42 PM

Agreed. I've long been bored with the Internet. That was until ScrappleFace came along. Scott Ott should be writing for Leno or Letterman.

John Lemon

Posted by: John Lemon at January 31, 2003 09:53 PM

Scott wrote another excellent parody. But the original story is even more hilarious. Did anyone really need a survey to tell them that the Internet is a big sinkhole for productive time. I just do this because it is a release for comedic and satirical energy when I'm not around my students. It seems like some people are really trying to change the world with their comments. Morons.

John Lemon

Posted by: John Lemon at January 31, 2003 09:59 PM

You mean that what I post here isn't helping to make the world a better place??
And, and - That my opinions along with the logic behind them aren't being carefully considered and analyzed? That people's opinions are not being reconsidered and modified based on the facts posted here?
You mean that this is Entertainment? NOOOOOOOOOO!!

Posted by: JohnS at February 1, 2003 10:54 AM

One day, while i was taking a break from internet porn, I glanced around the internet. What I found was a vast marketplace. People should take a look. Ive been paying my rent each month for the past 6 months on line. BUt hey.... i still play games and look at naked booty!!

Posted by: ron at February 1, 2003 02:08 PM

Damn, and I thought surfing the net for hours upon hours a day was being productive. Hey wait, is that a blue sky outside my window? What the hell is that big bright thing in the sky? There's a whole outside world!! Wow...I never knew, I've been kooked up in my cubby hole room for ages, and, by the way, what day is it?

Posted by: JSpencer at February 1, 2003 11:09 PM

With regard to blogs: be afraid (mainstream media); be very afraid.

Posted by: Loretta at February 2, 2003 10:36 AM

Gawd, all this hype about blogs... yanno, if those people took all the time they spent updating their blogs, american society would one again rise to the top of productivy...

As for the net becoming a waste land of porn, advertising, more porn and the largest single repository of mineutia, yup... it's true.

Posted by: bws at February 3, 2003 03:20 PM

Cool.

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