(2002-12-08) -- Disney Chairman Michael Eisner announced today that the entertainment conglomerate has purchased the movie rights to the 11,807-page Iraqi weapons program disclosure. A team of screenwriters will boil the document down to "135-pages of tense drama, passionate romance and laugh-a-minute wackiness."

Although the purchase price was not disclosed, Mr. Eisner said the deal was comparable to the agreement with the workers who were trapped in the flooded Pennsylvania mine this summer.

"This Iraqi document has all the elements of a great Disney movie," said Mr. Eisner. "We were going to make it a live-action drama called 'Minority Report', until we learned that had been done. So, now we're going to create an animated musical comedy. We've already signed some big-time vocal talent."

Disney insiders indicate that Robin Williams will voice Saddam Hussein; Michael J. Fox will do Kofi Annan, and Angela Lansbury will star as Hans Blix.