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November 21, 2002
Razor Blade Campaign Aims to Cut Suicide Bombings

(2002-11-21) -- A grassroots campaign has been launched to solve the Palestinian suicide bomber epidemic in Israel, just in time for the holidays.

The effort, called 'Razor Blades for Jenin', is an attempt to collect thousands of ordinary razor blades which will be shipped to the Jenin refugee camp and other Palestinian towns. The blades will be distributed to disenchanted Muslim youth who want to kill themselves.

"In America, we have disenchanted kids as well," said one organizer of the charity, "but here, if a teen feels he's oppressed and has no future, he quietly kills himself in his bathroom. When we heard about these suicide bombers, our hearts were moved. Thanks to 'Razor Blades for Jenin,' from now on when a Muslim kid snuffs out his life on a city bus, he goes alone, and quietly into that dark night."

Organizers will also accept monetary gifts. A mere $22 can provide one razor blade to every depressed young person in an average-sized Palestinian village.

by Scott Ott | Donate | | Comments (23) | More Satire | Printer-Friendly
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Now Scott, this is ridiculous and insensitive. American kids do NOT use their razor blades on buses, but in beds and bathrooms like civilized people. You should apologize for the insinuation.

Wonder if we could recruit Sally Strothers for the charity video?

Posted by: Joe at November 21, 2002 11:23 PM

I wonder how long before one of the less-advanced suiciders tries to use a Norelco.

Posted by: E. Nough at November 21, 2002 11:26 PM

We could also provide several hundred litters of Jims Jones special blend Kool Aide. Anything that would help these children have a 'kinder and gentler' death should be encourage

Posted by: Bob Greene at November 22, 2002 05:23 AM

Perhaps we can get them interested in astronomy..."The comet is coming! The comet is coming! Black Nike shoes for everyone!"

Posted by: Kevin at November 22, 2002 07:39 AM

Sending razor blades is not enough.
As everyone knows in America,

"side to side, ambulance ride,"
up and down, no more frown."

Perhaps we can encourage the upstanding suicide bomber "recruiters" to give classes where they demonstrate the proper technique.

Posted by: Jim at November 22, 2002 11:01 AM

Scott, please add a link so that I may make a contribution to this program.

Posted by: the talking dog at November 22, 2002 12:26 PM

How about turning them on to Halloween? Then the razor blades could be put in apples and candy bars so that those cute little bombers could at least enjoy their last moments.

Posted by: Bill at November 22, 2002 02:00 PM

The last time I remember a group of suicidal Arabs with a bunch of razor blades making the news, a couple of builings in New York got blown to hell. May want to rethink that proposal...

Posted by: Nazgul at November 22, 2002 02:52 PM

My gad, Nazgul -- get a clue! We're trying to encourage suicide which doesn't kill anyone else. Point is: you can't hide murderous intentions in an act of "self-desparation."

Posted by: Ashton at November 22, 2002 04:14 PM

I think we should start a petition encouraging the financing of razor blades to help them along!

Posted by: miriam glaser at November 24, 2002 11:38 AM

I hope that Gillette is very generous in this campaign, it's a wonderful idea for Xmas.

Posted by: Dave at November 24, 2002 03:10 PM

You went to low...

Posted by: at November 24, 2002 05:18 PM

Where can I send my contribution?

Posted by: at November 24, 2002 06:18 PM

How about this?

Posted by: Jack at November 24, 2002 08:38 PM

What do you say about this!?

Posted by: Avrohom M. Salzman at November 24, 2002 08:40 PM

I have a few old electric razors. Could I donate those? They would really get a buzz out of them.

Posted by: Ruth at November 24, 2002 08:45 PM

I am such a helpful person and charity minded. I have collected one hundred disposable razors. No sense recycling the regular type of razor and passing on some horrible disase on like aids to the next suicide victim (ah volunteer). If I can come up with a hundred more, may I please receive a cute little certificate of accomplishment? It gives such a great sense of achievement to help out the needy suicide victim (ah I did it again..volunteer).

Posted by: Ruth at November 24, 2002 09:52 PM

Uh... aren't we just a little afraid that they might pack all these "generous donations" into their next explosives belt? Razors might not fly as well as nails, but I'm sure they can do SOME damage. So, we may want to rethink this idea---fast! Besides, the sad truth is that the disenchanted Muslim youth don't just want to end their own lives, they want to take as many Israeli Jews with them as they can. Now, if you could invent a good psychedelic drug that would make them think their neighbors were all Jews... that would be helpful!

Posted by: Leah at November 25, 2002 12:41 AM

How about a controlled group explosion in the Sinai desert?

Posted by: Wondering at November 25, 2002 08:00 AM

Knowing how these guys operate, they wouldn't use them on themselves but would include them IN their bombs, right along with the nail, shrapnal and the rest of the crap they put in their bombs.

Posted by: Gloria at November 25, 2002 09:52 AM

Ok...there is no one (and I mean NO ONE) who is more pro-Israel than me (you can check my website if you don't believe me), but I think that this is absolutely ridiculous and I'll tell you why. It's not that I dislike the idea of getting rid of all potential suicide bombers, it's just that this "campaign" sends the wrong message. The description of the campaign says that Palestinian youths are killing themselves because they're so desperate. Actually....NO THEY'RE NOT! These idiots keep blowing themselves up because they are brainwashed into believing that their death will help other Palestinians... and because they have a absolute hatred for Jews.

This campaign risks having uninformed people believing that Palestinians are a desperate bunch. And you know what people are also going to assume? They're going to assume that the reason the Palestinians are desperate is because they are living under some brutal Israeli regime! This, of course, is as absurd as the campaign itself, but not everyone is going to pick up on that. Do yourself a favor and stop supporting this joke.

Posted by: Elana S at November 25, 2002 07:31 PM

I would consider another plan whereas we could manufacture bomb belts so that they are made to explode inwardly instead of outward. Only the brainwashed dummy gets whacked. Then clandestinely
donate them to Palestine.

Posted by: Guyton at November 26, 2002 02:03 PM

this site is utter rubbish! suicide bombers want to kill others to show they oppose the gov. not just harm themselves. they die for their country and they wouldnt want to do it quietly

Posted by: Fi at November 26, 2003 02:15 PM
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