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September 30, 2002
Clinton Declares Paramus, NJ, His Legal Residence

(2002-09-30) -- Former U.S. President Bill Clinton declared Paramus, New Jersey, his legal residence just minutes before Senator Robert Torricelli's news conference about the status of his re-election campaign.

"I've always been a been a Jersey guy in my heart," said Mr. Clinton, who quickly established his temporary office at the corner table in Starbucks in the Paramus Park Mall. "I just want the people of the Garden State to know that in these confusing times, I feel your pain and I'm there for you."

Mr. Clinton deflected questions about whether he intended to seek the seat that Sen. Torricelli seemed likely to abandon in the wake of an ethics investigation.

"I know what Torch (Torricelli) is going through, and I don't want to throw lighter fluid on that situation," Mr. Clinton said. "Get it? Torch? Lighter fluid...well, I sure am lonely. Could you buy me a latte?"

by Scott Ott | Donate | | Comments (4) | More Satire | Printer-Friendly
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Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Carey Gage at September 30, 2002 05:32 PM

Best laugh I've had in months.


Also, best news I've heard in months.

Posted by: Charlie at September 30, 2002 05:45 PM

Not funny, dude. Don't even put the idea in Clinton's head.

Posted by: Frank J. at September 30, 2002 09:14 PM

Yeah. Paramus is in my neighborhood. Scary.

Posted by: Jim at October 1, 2002 12:09 PM