March 28th, 2013 
Scott Ott 
President Obama encourages investors to avoid getting “all wee-weed up” over the move by Cyprus to confiscate bank deposits, which he says “probably won’t happen in the U.S. until things get pretty bad.”President Obama calmed the jitters of nervous investors today by saying a Cyprus-style confiscation of bank deposits is “fairly unlikely here” and could only happen if U.S. debt mounted to unprecedented levels, the economy remained in the doldrums and Republicans in the House decided to block Democrat efforts to generate more tax revenue.
“So, as you can see, it’s a pretty remote chance,” the president said. “Your money is safe as can be expected in U.S. banks. The government grabbing your hard-earned savings, after a lifetime of toil, is something nobody likes to think about…so don’t. After all, I wouldn’t order such a move unless the government was just flat broke, deep in debt and really needed the money.”
The president blamed House Republicans for “the many hours the Treasury Secretary and I have spent planning for the unthinkable, which we have no immediate plans to implement.”
“Ultimately,” Obama added, “on that unlikely day when you log in to your bank account and see the balance is down 30-to-40 percent, you can be assured that the Republicans forced my hand with their stubborn, ideological objection to revenue enhancers. But for now, remain calm and go about your business as if nothing might happen.”
The White House sought to clarify the president’s remarks, noting that this “virtually-improbable scenario” would be preceded by warnings that would give depositors plenty of time to visit bank websites and read the FAQ about what happened to the missing money.
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You know he would love to just grab all of our money out of our bank accounts plus all of our other investments (IRAS etc).
Things are looking pretty rosy here in the US (sarc)…employers cutting hours, gub’mint and health insurers taking bigger and bigger pieces of the pie and the devalued dollar. This is the change that leaves no hope. When I was laid off last month I opted to cash in my 401k and pay the penalties associated with early withdrawl, but before the check got sent out I was recalled to work and they cancelled the funds. I requested the 401k funds again figuring the thieves in Washington have their eyes on it.
These are crazy times…at what point does the hard working employee realize that it has all become a ruse? No spending restraint in Washington, freebies to illegals and the “I’ll be damned if I will work” and become self-sufficient types, and millions and billions in foreign aid to our own enemies, and a family of professional vacationers occupying 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
And of course the family transportational unit is on it’s last gasps to boot… ( and I won’t mention the insanity of this marriage crisis) so where is the opt out for those of us who were American enough to vote against it all?
Where’s MY Obamamama phone?
Privately, administration and banking officials scoff “What could we possibly do with all those worthless dollars anyway?” Insiders warn confiscation of toilet tissue is more likely. Said one official, “A run on the bank could be very literally messy.”
“The government grabbing your hard-earned savings, after a lifetime of toil, is something nobody likes to think about”… except Obama, and all those other Commie donkeys. I’m getting ready to retire in a couple years, and this is the kind of stuff that gives me nightmares.