(2005-01-31) — Sen. John Kerry. D-MA, said today that history will judge Sunday’s landmark election in Iraq as an “utter failure for George W. Bush if the U.S. cannot find a way to give al Qaeda and other disenfranchised so-called ‘terror’ groups a voice in Iraq’s new government.”
“We use that word ‘terrorist’ to marginalize and [...]

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(2005-01-30) — News reports of terrorist bombings in Iraq were marred Sunday by shocking graphic images of Iraqi “insurgents” voting by the millions in their first free democratic election.
Despite reporters’ hopes that a well-orchestrated barrage of mortar attacks and suicide bombings would put down the so-called ‘freedom insurgency’, hastily-formed battalions of rebels swarmed polling places [...]

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(2005-01-28) — The U.S. occupation force in Iraq is placing unconstitutional restrictions on the free speech rights of Al Qaeda and former members of Saddam Hussein’s Ba’ath party, according to Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, D-MA, who today introduced a resolution expressing “solidarity with our repressed brethren in the Iraq insurgency.”
“Just as in our country, flag [...]

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(2005-01-25) — In another apparent attempt to position herself as a centrist candidate for the White House in 2008, Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY, yesterday told 1,000 abortion supporters that she’s neither pro-life nor pro-choice.
“I’m Pro-Chife,” she announced to the stunned crowd. “Being pro-chife means you support a woman’s right to end the life of a [...]

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(2005-01-24) — To address Bush administration concerns that America’s involuntary retirement savings plan faces a so-called ‘crisis’, the Social Security Administration today unveiled a color-coded alert system to notify citizens about the relative safety of their investments.
The system offers four colors which each correspond to a simple message about your retirement investment.

Color: Green
Message: “The money [...]

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(2005-01-23) — In lofty language reminiscent of President George Bush’s second inaugural address, Abu Musab Zarqawi tells the Iraqi people in a newly-released speech that Islamic rule is the antidote to democracy and the only hope for returning the country to its “pre-invasion glory days.”
In a dramatic address reportedly crafted by a ‘neoliberal’ speechwriter within [...]

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(2005-01-23) — As the clock wound down to the Eagles first NFC championship in four consecutive attempts, confused Philadelphia fans began booing an incompetent food vendor who dropped a hotdog.
“I felt sorry for the poor guy,” said one Conshohocken resident who witnessed the verbal assault. “Philadelphia fans are just so accustomed to booing at the [...]

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