by Scott Ott
(2005-06-08) -- In the wake of the release of his college transcripts this week, Sen. John Kerry, D-MA, revealed today that his grade point average at Yale University was about the same as President George Bush's because the future senator "spent too much time feeding the poor and not enough time hitting the books."
The equality in performance, despite Mr. Kerry's well-known intellectual superiority, came as a shock to many who supported his failed presidential bid in 2004.
"Like most Democrats, I was overcome with compassion for my fellow Yale students who often struggled to make ends meet between trust-fund checks," said Mr. Kerry. "I'd see them in their dorms eating SpaghettiOs from a can, or Tang powder from a spoon, and my heart was torn. When it came down to studying, or borrowing some money to take a hungry classmate out for a cheesesteak, I'm afraid my altruism got the better of me."
Historians will note, Mr. Kerry added, "that this big-hearted Yaley went on to become a champion of the downtrodden, a defender of the uneducated proletariat, whose fruitful decades in the Senate were distinguished by his landmark legislation on behalf of the ignorant underclass."
President Bush called on all Americans to avoid judging his former opponent.
"I hope no one looks down on Sen. Kerry because of his mediocre college grades," said Mr. Bush. "In America, even if you're not the sharpest pencil in the box, you can still grow up to be the president."
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