ScrappleFace: GOP Memo: Schiavo Was Recruited to Win Pro-Life Vote

GOP Memo: Schiavo Was Recruited to Win Pro-Life Vote
by Scott Ott

(2005-03-24) -- A secret unsigned talking points memo circulated to all Republican Senators and leaked to The Washington Post reveals that the GOP recruited Terri Schiavo to become "a poster child for our Christian conservative right-wing pro-life base so we can sweep Congressional elections in 2006."

Although Post reporter Mike Allen obtained the memo from an "unimpeachable" source, he denies that source was former President Bill Clinton, who survived an impeachment attempt.

An excerpt from the memo reveals that Terri Schiavo is a "blood red Republican so committed to the cause that she's willing to give her own life to boost the political fortunes of the party. That's why we recruited her for this important work."

Despite the fact that the memo is unsigned, and appears on plain white paper, Mr. Allen says "there's no chance that it was forged in a fashion reminiscent of Dan Rather's Bush National Guard memo."

The anonymous Republican author of the memo exhorts all of his colleagues -- from conservative Rick Santorum, R-PA, to liberal Olympia Snowe, R-ME -- to "ride the tide of Schiavo sympathy to a pro-life victory in '06."

"America is hungry for leadership on the life issue," according to the unnamed Republican author. "The little people thirst for leaders who will take a stand. You need to feed these red-meat talking points to the media in your state and milk this for everything it's worth."

The memo concludes with an ominous warning that "if Terri Schiavo is starved to death, pro-life Christian conservatives will blame Republicans and will probably vote Democrat next time."

Donate | More Satire | Printer-Friendly |