March 11, 2005
Janet Reno Rescues Terri Schiavo in Daring Raid by Scott Ott (2005-03-11) -- Shortly after midnight last night, former Attorney General Janet Reno and a squad of retired agents from the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms (ATF) stormed a Florida nursing home and rescued Terri Schiavo from her impending death by starvation which had been slated to begin March 18. Ms. Reno, in helmet, KEVLARŪ and jackboots, led the daring raid in a fashion reminiscent of the ATF rescue of Elian Gonzalez in April 2000. "The power of government must be used for the good of humanity," said Ms. Reno. "But the decline of respect for life, especially among the judiciary, has forced us to take this decisive action to save Terri's life. As always, we Democrats have compassion for the helpless." Mrs. Schiavo is being held in an undisclosed location pending an attempt by businessman Robert Herring to ransom the brain-damaged woman from her doting husband, Michael, for $1 million. Ms. Reno denied accusations that she is merely trying to upstage Florida Gov. Jeb Bush in preparation for her own gubernatorial run. Donate | More Satire | Printer-Friendly | |
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