by Scott Ott
(2004-12-13) -- The official physician to The New York Times today warned that Post-Kerik Withdrawal Syndrome (PKWS) may cause paralysis and psychological symptoms including depression.
PKWS initially manifests as a peculiar fascination with the fleeting nomination of Bernard Kerik to head the Department of Homeland Security (DOHS), the unnamed physician said. Monday officially marks Day Four of the onset of symptoms, and the Times features four Kerik-related stories on its website homepage.
"Reporters are torn, because Kerik's day in the spotlight is really over," he said. "And yet the journalists had desperately hoped for a drawn-out confirmation process during which to rehash some of the unflattering details of Kerik's life. Now they're left with all this dirty laundry, and nothing on which to hang it. It's debilitating."
President Bush, when asked about the Times' ongoing coverage of the Kerik withdrawal said, "We have the deepest sympathy for victims of PKWS and their families. I hope Americans will join me in praying that God would give The New York Times the strength to get over it."
Donate | More Satire | Printer-Friendly |
Editor's Picks
