October 15, 2004
Bush Orders Military Draft to Win More Votes by Scott Ott (2004-10-15) -- President George Bush today issued an executive order reinstituting the military draft in order to boost his chances of winning reelection on November 2. Top Democrat leaders like Howard Dean, Michael Moore and John Forbes Kerry have warned for weeks that Mr. Bush plans to restart the draft if he wins a second term, so today's sudden announcement surprised many. White House spokesman Scott McClellan said the president made the decision based on new polling data which shows that Mr. Bush enjoys overwhelming popularity among U.S. military personnel, and 94 percent of them plan to vote. "Two-thirds of the military want to see President Bush beat Sen. Kerry," said Mr. McClellan, "So, Karl Rove convinced the president that more soldiers means more votes for Bush-Cheney." In the first round of the draft, every college student in the country will be called up to serve in the Army immediately, according to the order. "If I understand the data correctly," said Mr. Bush, "this move alone should turn hundreds of thousands of America-hating, anti-Bush slackers into patriotic, voting Republicans. That ought to help put the swing in a few states." Donate | More Satire | Printer-Friendly | |
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