by Scott Ott
(2004-02-18) -- Wisconsin voters, challenged to decide which face to put on their Democrat presidential hopes, chose John Forbes Kerry over John Edwards last night by a surprisingly small six-point margin.
"We won ugly," said Mr. Kerry, who had led by as much as 35 points in recent polling. "But we won. Edwards was pretty close, but close only counts in horseshoes and handgrenades and I know something about throwing the latter."
Exit polling showed that Mr. Edwards won the support of most independents and Republicans, demonstrating the crossover strength that the party nominee will need to defeat George W. Bush. The North Carolina Senator also captured 95 percent of the votes of people who had seen Mr. Kerry speaking on TV.
Mr. Kerry won big among former Al Gore supporters who believe that "talking slowly without moving one's face" is the key to defeating Mr. Bush.
"When you look at the two top vote getters -- Kerry and Edwards -- the question becomes 'who would you rather look at for the next eight months, or eight years?'" said an unnamed Democrat strategist. "On the issues, the candidates are mirror images of each other. But the more voters take a good look at John Kerry, the better John Edwards appears."
The Kerry campaign announced today that its advertising in the so-called 'Super Tuesday' states would not include the face or voice of the candidate, and all public appearances have been cancelled.
"People vote for Kerry because they admire his service in a war he later condemned," said the strategist. "This is not a beauty contest."
Donate | More Satire | Printer-Friendly |
Editor's Picks
