Al Qaeda Issues 'Orange' Alert, U.S. Chatter Up
by Scott Ott
(2003-12-23) -- Al Qaeda, the global terror network, has increased its threat level index to 'Orange' (High) based on intercepted 'chatter' by top U.S. officials who have authority to direct deadly strikes on al Qaeda members, including its elusive leader, Usama bin Laden.
"Our intelligence sources have received a substantial increase in the volume of threat-related intelligence reports," according to an internal email from a senior al Qaeda official. "These credible sources suggest the possibility of attacks against our al Qaeda cells and training facilities around the infidels' holiday season and beyond. The strategic indicators, including America's continued desire to carry out attacks against our forces, are perhaps greater now than at any point since our most triumphant day, September 11, 2001."
Al Qaeda experts are still studying a tape, purported to be audio of U.S. Commander-in-Chief George Bush, on which the voice claims that U.S. forces are on Mr. Bin Laden's trail and would get him "dead or alive."
Despite the heightened threat to al Qaeda, the unnamed official urged terror group members to "go about activities as planned, but be aware, vigilant and have an emergency plan."
Donate |
More Satire |
Printer-Friendly |