First at last, first at last, thank God I'm first at last.

And in related news: The Roman Catholic Church today admitted to running numerous Internet pornography Web sites - all the sites have the same theme - Catholic school girls in those sexy uniforms. Said a Church official: "We all know that most men have the fantasty of being with our lovel school girls, so the Church figured the Web sites would be a great way to generate revenue to help the poor and further the work of the Church." The same official had no scomment when asked if funds from the Web sites would be used to pay the sex abuse law suits settlements.

Mmmmmmm.....school uniforms.

(oink)

School uniforms could some value back to a fully depreciated Nanny.

KERRY JOINS MOBY IN BENEFIT FOR NON-VICTIMS

Entertainer Moby will be doing a benefit concert in Boston tonight to raise money for people who weren't victims of sexual abuse by their priests. Joining Moby on the electric guitar will be Senator John Kerry. Kerry , who is known for his generous philanthropy, promises an entertaining evening of songs about Vietnam veterans, of which by the way he is one.

Asked for comment, Moby stated that he know how good a musician Kerry was, but was glad he had a Vietnam veteran up on stage to protect him from the Boston crowds.

Has anyone seen the latest duet from Moby/Kerry? I've heard they're planning on getting Gwen Stefani to perform it with them at the Democratic Primary...

Free Ride by Moby

I see myself in the White House home
see the votes come over now
keep repeating that sad refrain
i watch hope come over me

here we are now, going to the Dark Side
toss those medals and we start to ride
whine all night, complain all day
some may come and some may stay

here we are in the Dem debate
i blame the Prez, you can feel my hate
remind the crowd Iím a VietNam Vet
scare the rest with the Deficit

here we are now going to the west side
trite phrases in hand,
take those chumps for a ride
forget my past, just believe what I say
watching out for election day

...where there's love... world peace... and my trust fund...
hey, elan, elanÖ.

here we are now jumping to the other side
what I voted for once, I now deride
now I see by the light of day
some vague, unspecified ìbetter wayî

here we are now pandering to another side
i abandon my friends and hope they won't cry
lie all night , Lie through heaven and hell
come back and feel so well.

In related news (from the Seattle PI):

Tuesday, September 9, 2003

Elma school officials ban short cheerleader skirts

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

ELMA -- Sacrificing a game-day tradition to ward off the distraction of bare adolescent thighs, Elma High School has banned its cheerleaders' short skirts from its hallways and classrooms.

The move has members of the cheerleading and drill teams, and their parents -- some of whom wore similar skirts years ago -- steaming.

"Elma has dropped back to the dark ages," Kathy Shaw, whose daughter is on the drill team, told The Daily World. "They are making our kids feel like they're not nice girls when they are."

For years on game days, the brief blue-and-white skirts have been exempt from the dress code at this small town west of Olympia. Now they'll be allowed only at games and other performances -- not in the hallways.

"What the high school decided is that the dress code would apply to everyone equally," Elma School Superintendent Tami Hickle said. Officials from the high school itself would not comment to The World.

Cathie Spalding, whose daughter Annette is on the drill team, said parents were told school administrators pushed for the ban, saying the skirts were a distraction in the classroom.

Parents doubt the outfits -- relatively demure by cheerleader standards thanks to the cool weather at the average Friday night football game in Elma -- would do much to further crank up the hormones of teenage boys.

"Boys are going to be horn-toads, anyway, whether (the girls) are wearing a short skirt or not," said Spalding, who speaks from experience, having worn the short skirt of a Hoquiam High School cheerleader in the early 1970s.

On Friday, the first day the ban took effect, drill team member Katie Schouweiler said she wore her team sweater and "very ugly" warm-up pants.

Schouweiler said the girls look "very clean-cut wearing our uniforms" and doesn't see the rare exception to the dress code as a big deal.

"We wear them like six times" a year, Schouweiler said.

Shaw and the other parents said the new rule devalues the hard work the girls put in practicing, keeping up their grades and raising money to buy the expensive uniforms.

Let's inject a little perspective into this one:

As a one-time (thank God) cheerleader, I find it awfully hard to believe they only wear their uniforms 6x a year. If this is so, then the impact on "pep" should be minimal.

Do the football players wear their uniforms to class? The wrestlers? The gymnastics team? The girls field hockey team? The b-ball team?

I'm not sure about the short skirt rationale, but it seems the dress code should be applied equitably across the board.

Fearful of the many chicken wings that will undoubtedly be thrown at her, Cassandra has left the house.

I don't understand the logic. If the uniforms are too racy for wear at school how come they are A-OK to flaunt in front of the general public?

I think the idea is that students are supposed to concentrate on their school work while in school, not on the limbs of the cheerleader sitting next to them.

At the game, they don't need to concentrate and can look all they please. Like most school dress codes, the things banned are those which (rightly or wrongly) are judged to be either distracting or offensive (and therefore distracting and/or likely to cause fights).

I don't know about where all you heathens live, but here in the South game day is has nothing to do with school work and everything to do with distractions and other things both offensive and defensive.

If it is about dress codes and distracting people, should the alter-boys start wearing someting under their cassocks?

My son is 26 and I remember him wearing his game jersey to school on Fridays.

My daughters didnt cheer so I cant speak for them but some of the clothes they wear out of the house would make Bob Gucchione blush.

I go back to the days of proper dress in school.

No jeans,had to have a collared shirt and shoes.

This was a public school that escorted all of us to ccd after school every tuesday till grade 11 when we were confirmed.

This was a place where corporal punishment was common for those teachers who were brave enough.
Those who wernt had to be creative within the law in practicing discipline.

It wasnt a place for those of whom had a hard time ""adjusting"".

There was nothing ""feel good"" about the place other than the good weed the black kids got in Harlem.

I still remember the rulers (to measure how high your skirt was off the floor) and those ridiculous bloomers in gym class.

Thank God for shorts - I live in them.

Another master piece Cassandra .. Bravo!

Clothing never stopped my eyes and imagination. You can't stop those hormones from working.

Gals, really, the guys think you look great and all you have to do is be seen. You're appreciated without having to prove anything, be anything. What could be easier?

I'm a pig! Good to come out and get that off my chest..

Phfft. My daughter's teacher violated the school dress code last year and had to change. How stupid did she feel?

As Edna Crabbapple would say

HA!

In other news, the Episcopal Church has just ordained it's first mammon-loving minister.

The Right Reverend EZ Goin commented, "our Savior directed us to love one another. In this enlightened age where all kinds of love are welcomed and accepted, there is no reason why a minister shouldn't be able to love both God and Mammon".

Cassandra,

It's about time. When is he starting his TV show?

A teacher in our school district last spring challenged a high schooler for the lack of clothing she was wearing. It violated the dress code. Her response, "What are you looking at?"

He testified to this at the school board using the words, "it is becoming a hostile work environment," and advocating school uniforms.

The board was dismissive (although the Superintendent and one Board member did start taking notes at the term hostile work environment).

And the number one reason people don't attend church, "It is all about the money"

A young man took the offering at our church awhile back. He used a prop to explain Malachi 3:8. Holding a $50 dollar bill clenched in one fist he dropped a fistful of money from his other hand. He then attempted to catch the falling money with the clenched hand. The result, well, the result is explained in Malachi. Read it and read there also what happens when your hand us unclenched.

:-)!

An Episcopalian televangelist would have all the glamor and excitement of Al Gore playing an accordion. Can you imagine?

We had a visiting minister at our church in California several years back - just bringing a guitar into the church and singing during the sermon was enough to send half the congregation into an apoplectic fit.

I actually liked him although he was a bit of a flake. But this was an older, conservative crew, and they were not looking for variety :)

now at some Episcopal churches the guest "minister" can bring in a gay-tar.

At the joEpiscapalian church we sit solenmly throught whole act. The only music is the snare drum rim shot at the end of the unfunny homily. We bring money, but its not much, two drink minimum.

you big time keylime whippersnapper. Why I see you go to my church then? JoEpiscopo church. Or did you steal that name from me and my congurgetation? you gotta be some kinda special if yousn's gonna use that name, rascal! En the drinks are made in grannies still. prune juice ya pay extree fer! en our priest don't be blessin' none of them thar gay onions! I don't even grow em on the farm neither no more. maybe they's a sayin' they's a blessin gay eunuchs. I dunno. my hearin' ain't so good nomore and my eyes a gittin' dim so I's getting things a bit discombobulatermud.
En what in tarnayshun is all this noise about Humble Esther's Pair O'shutters, Sue's Boss Tom and Arch's tied up sleeves. Ya'll a bunch o' peepin tom types that's been dippin' in my still fore ya gets out in the neighborhood at night?
I'll holler at y'all later if ya quits stealin' my moonshine, dagnab ya!

The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Boston, revised their earlier statement saying:

"Our previous statement about being, 'God's money' etc, was too long, and may have been misunderstood, therefore we will simply change it to, It's OUR money now, try and get it back, SUCKERS!"

"We are also fond of the 'Pee Wee Herman' line from the Cheech and Chong Movie, where he says, ["I'm sorry I took the money, several times, then says, I'm NOT sorry I took the money!"] Then gives them the raspberrys. So take your pick!"

Big Brother Big Sister is having some insurance difficulties after allowing those who practice homosexuality to be placed unbeknowst to parents as advisors to their kids. Legal action may occur and there has been one criminal case.

Click my name for more.

One might wonder about God's intentions, when his earthly representatives are to be punished for such an unnatural behavior as loving women, but loving small boys is quite allright.

Face it, all churches are corrupted by human nature, no church, no scripture written by man can ever transmit the true will of God.

REVIEWS

Last night's John Kerry unplugged with Moby performance in Boston was the most wonderful thing I've ever witnessed, John, who is a Vietnam veteran, was did not look like a pathetic geek and his renditions of I'm a Vietnam Veteran and I did Hard Time were so moving there wasn't a dry eye in the house ... in fact I thought I heard some wretching from people who were moved.

Love John Kerry's Mom

I agree with you Evil Empire. The challenge is not to let that fact be our excuse for turning away from God.

What? What are we talking about? I read about catholic schoolgirl uniforms and cheerleader outfits and kinda got lost in the hormonal haze there for a while. Wow. Okay, enough of that. What were we talking about again?

[deleted]