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June 12, 2003
Clinton More Popular with Republicans After Assault Story
by Scott Ott

(2003-06-12) -- The revelation by political strategist Dick Morris that then-Governor Bill Clinton tried to beat him up has boosted the former President's popularity among Republicans.

"Conservatives used to view Clinton as nothing but a dishonest pervert," said an unnamed pollster. "But these new numbers indicate they admire him for trying to pound Mr. Morris. We're not sure whether the favorable spike is pro-Clinton, or anti-consultant."

Mr. Morris, in an open-letter to Hillary Clinton in the National Review claimed "Bill ran after me, tackled me, threw me to the floor of the kitchen in the mansion and cocked his fist back to punch me."

Apparently Mrs. Clinton rescued the diminutive pundit, but the near-whup experience soured his relationship with the Clintons.

Juanita Broaderick, upon reading the open letter said, "Bill did much the same thing to me. I feel Morris' pain."

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Whoah, are we sure this is not a part of a vast-wing-right conspiracy? :)

LPB

Posted by: logicpenaltybox at June 12, 2003 12:43 PM

I just want Frodo to settle for 3rd post. Humility is a good thing.

Posted by: U2B LFC in Colorado at June 12, 2003 12:50 PM

...and shortly after the near whup Sick Willie caught the camera on him. He responded with a quick wipe of the tear and curling of the bottom lip--in a genuinely sorrowful "repentance".

(eyes rolling and so are the furballs!)

Posted by: U2B LFC in Colorado at June 12, 2003 12:54 PM

"Hold me back, Hillary, hold me back! Someone else is forcing me to assault them!"

Posted by: veg at June 12, 2003 12:54 PM

Morris further revealed that tt the time Bill threatened to beat him up, he was crawling around on all fours asking Hillary to beat him up.

Posted by: Frodo at June 12, 2003 01:03 PM

From the Dick Morris letter to Hillary:

Bill ran after me, tackled me, threw me to the floor of the kitchen in the mansion and cocked his fist back to punch me. You [Hillary] grabbed his arm and, yelling at him to stop and get control of himself, pulled him off me. Then you walked me around the grounds of the mansion in the minutes after, with your arm around me, saying, "He only does that to people he loves."
* * * *

Mrs. Clinton then added, "Bill has never raised a hand to hit me."

Posted by: KJ at June 12, 2003 01:48 PM

BREAKING NEWS -CONGO

In what appears to be a 180 degree shift in their peace keeping rules of engagement, the French peacekeepers have recieved UN permission to use nerf bullets and water ballons on the combatants, but only in self defense. -_Reuters


I told you that the French would turn this thing around. The US should have used the same tactics in IRaq vs spending all of their time hunting for imaginary WMDs

Posted by: Frenchman at June 12, 2003 01:49 PM

Used 2 B LFC

once you have recovered from being spurrned by Matt Gober shivers, you can come home to me. I will always have a place in my heart for you and your feline ways.

Posted by: Frenchman Again at June 12, 2003 01:50 PM

LMAO! The real news is getting funnier than Scrappleface, Scott! (just kidding). Morris is a toon! I'll bet Hilliary appeased him by giving him several pairs of her shoes :P

Posted by: Pooke at June 12, 2003 02:09 PM

F.Y.I. On O'Reilly Factor tonite (FOX {NOT him..the network!:~}})

"Day in the Life of Bill and Hill ó O'Reilly uncovers what residents in Chappaqua, New York really think of the Clintons."

wish I had cable or satellite!...maybe.

Posted by: (sick o' Slick)U2B LFC in Colorado at June 12, 2003 02:19 PM

U2B...
Oh darn, guess I will miss that show cause I have to uhmmm wash my hair or errrr ummm give the dog a bath or um um um go to a meeting or or um weed the garden, yea that's it, I have to weed the garden tonight and um um take out the garbage so I will just have to miss that show. Darn.

Fact is, I don't have a TV at all. Furthermore, I really don't care what the neighbors or anyone else thinks about them. I have my opinion. Can't imagine what could make me change it. They disgust me. Period.

Posted by: shyanne at June 12, 2003 04:03 PM

Shyanne no need to hold back here. Its' safe to tell us how you really feel! (:~}).

To think they were the "pres and 1st lady" of (*choke, sputter*) and the effect they leave on many of us in this country is that of what you wish were just a really bad dream...but when you wake up--you realize "it" really happened--they're still there!

If I did have cable---I'd probably opt for having my teeth drilled on tonite while that show's on. A much more enjoyable venture......

Posted by: Sick O' Slick LFC in Colorado at June 12, 2003 05:18 PM

Dick was secretly hoping Bill or Hillary would bite him...

Posted by: Cassandra at June 12, 2003 05:21 PM

LFC...oh my gosh, I almost used Sick O'Slick when I sent last post! Great minds...

Yes, it is somewhat of a nightmare to think they represented our country...yuck. One of those dreams when you are trying to holler for help but nothing comes out, or you are running as fast as you can but not moving...just glad you can finally wake up. (shudder)

Posted by: shyanne at June 12, 2003 05:28 PM

hey come on. He was just giving a pre-emptive strike a chance. What a bubba.

Posted by: Towering Pant-Load at June 12, 2003 05:34 PM

"Dick was secretly hoping Bill or Hillary would bite him...

Posted by: Cassandra on June 12, 2003 05:21 PM

not eeeeeven gonna go there, (oh punchy one--)Cassandra! (:~}) (Got a song for you "linked" to my name..:~}
************************

shyanne You can say "sick o' slick" whenever you'd like. I don't have any plans to register it with ASCAP.(:~})

Posted by: U2B LFC in Colorado at June 12, 2003 05:56 PM

I think we've discovered a new disease - Clinton Narcissistic Creep Syndrome - and there appears to be no cure. I just wish it were terminal.

Posted by: Tango at June 12, 2003 05:59 PM

Tango
We should consult Dr. Harden (mostly BS) Stuhl on this one. I'm sure he'll have something to say about the disease or diseased---neither of which are benign!

Dr. Stuhl!! Paging Dr. Harden Stuhl!!

Posted by: U2B LFC in Colorado at June 12, 2003 06:09 PM

There is a way to cure it. It is very simple: A copper-clad lead weight must be put on the right side of the head, preferably from the left side at high velocity. If the first one doesn't stay, you keep putting more in using the same method, until one stays in or the clip is empty. Oops, gave it away.

Posted by: Ken Stein at June 12, 2003 07:24 PM

[sarcasm]That means Dick is a Republican![/sarcasm]

Posted by: Jack Ryan at June 12, 2003 07:32 PM

Jack:

That works on so many levels it's frightening.


LFC: Sausage is not sure how he feels about that song. He turned his back to the monitor. I, however, thought it was funny...

Posted by: Cassandra at June 12, 2003 09:28 PM

Sigh!!! I just wish they would go away. They pollute all that I have fought for and hold dear. Morris reminds me of something my grandmother used to tell me when I was a kid. "Birds of a feather flock together." Those birds should be plucked, tarred and feathered and run out of town on a rail. SIGH!!!! I MISS RONNIE.

Posted by: Old Sailor at June 12, 2003 10:16 PM

LFC, Shyanne:

You didn't miss much, 99% of the people there said you see Hillary and 'Bubba' there, but NEVER together. Seems that though Hill is a Senator in N.Y., she rarly leaves Capitol Hill, except for 'photo ops'.

No one there expressed a 'dislike' for the clintons, but as O'Reilly pointed out, they have to live with them, that doesn't mean they like them!

Posted by: Susan Serin-Done, 'Factor' Watcher at June 12, 2003 10:42 PM

Cassandra re: "LFC: Sausage is not sure how he feels about that song. He turned his back to the monitor. I, however, thought it was funny...

I didn't even think of Sausage dog when I linked that. Absolutely NO evil intended toward the little elongated hound! (Had it been from Lil Kim Nukie Munchkin...THAT'S a whole 'nother story!)

I would hope your enjoying it would put Sausage's mind at ease--knowing it was safe & NOT a threat(:~})

If I could e-mail him a peace offering of some of my dog's new treats I just bought her---I would do so. Maybe I'll try a fax machine--it didn't work when I tried to fax a pizza one time but it might be alright to fax dog treats (:~}).

Posted by: U2B LFC (friend of Sausage dog)in Colorado at June 13, 2003 12:06 AM

Susan Serin-D..."No one there expressed a 'dislike' for the clintons, but as O'Reilly pointed out, they have to live with them, that doesn't mean they like them!..

no surprise to me. They all probably remember the long list of people once connected to the Clintons who have (mostly mysteriously) died over the past few years! I wonder how many secret service guys they go thru! Did you hear about how they had that special quarters built onto the NY house and charge an insane amount for rent for the SS guys? It's an amount that basically takes care of B & H's mortgage payment! freakin' thieves!

Posted by: (sick o' Slick)U2B LFC in Colorado at June 13, 2003 12:12 AM

Juanita Broaderick, upon reading the open letter said, "Bill did much the same thing to me. I feel Morris' pain."

But did Bubba also say "You better put ice on that" to Morris?

Posted by: johnh at June 13, 2003 12:35 AM

'People were so mean to me?' Is that like, what, the understatement of the year? And Bill does that only to people he loves? We know what he does to people he doesn't like...I guess Juanita Broaderick feels
cheated somehow...he did show his affection to others. And I guess he loathes the First Witch because we know he has never touched her...too many interns to play with after they gave Chelsea her milk and cookies. The sooner the Clintons fade into national obscurity, the better for the country.

Posted by: Lynch Family Dog at June 13, 2003 02:02 AM

I gots the monkeypox. Goodbye cruel world. You never understood me. Goodbye fair Lynch Family cat (or U2B LFC in Colorado). Goodbye Tinky WInky, my dear, dear tellie tubbie.

Posted by: Matt Goober Shivers at June 13, 2003 08:04 AM

Morris was asking for it, after 'Slick', put down his nightly saucer of milk, 'Morris' went into 'MY' signature song:

Meow, meow, meow, meow,
Meow, meow, meow, meow,
Meow, meow, meow, meow,
Meow, meow, meow, meow,
MEOW-MEOW-MEOW!

I would have beat him too! Click my name for more info!

Posted by: The Original 'Morris' at June 13, 2003 08:21 AM

You're a sweet kitty, Morris!

Posted by: Susan Serin-Done, 'Morris' Lover at June 13, 2003 08:22 AM

I once had a cat. It got trapped in the dishwasher and then Mamma cut it on by accident. That made the strangest sounds. Whrr, bumpa, bumpa, rrrrrrrrrrrr. Mama opened the machine and Bam, that cat clawed her. Mama did not put the cat in the machine. Mama let it out. And PA threw the at out after that.

I always look in my machines for cats before I cutthem on

Posted by: DIamond Dave Price at June 13, 2003 08:57 AM

go figure, Hillary can't even get anything right with out a lot of spin, so the Clintons might look a smidgen better. the next book will defame Socks the cat, and how the Clinton family over came the little back stabbing reprobate. (whait a min that was Bill...I'm sorry Socks)

Posted by: the old old lady at June 13, 2003 11:53 AM

Even though Morris is a weasel, you have to, at least to a certain degree, admire his courage at coming out with a story that makes him look like such a wuss. That fact alone lends some credibility to it.

Hopefully it will inspire others to come forward with thier own "Living History Corrections" and eventually chase these crooked, egotistical, power hungry (formerly drunk) Clintons from our midsts.

If only.

Posted by: ILIA at June 13, 2003 11:54 AM

I wonder, hmmmmmm, is it possible to have someone perform an exorcism to banish the Clintons to the "Dimension of Pain?" Bun Bun and Terribus could torture them in perpetuity. Yeah what a concept!!!

Posted by: Old Sailor at June 13, 2003 12:06 PM

Hillary IS the Anti-Christ so the only way to get rid of her or her cohort in deception is by an Exorcism.

If you weed through all these stupid softball interviews and BS "Living History" book crap to get to her qualifcations for President you find absolutely nothing.

Morris was good at political calculation and knows that this bit of fiction is another step towards winning the White House (and further destroying this great country).

Posted by: ILIA at June 13, 2003 12:24 PM

Good News Old Sailor! I can help!

Just like the GTMO bay prisoners are subjected to Metallica torment to extract information from them.

I will subject the Clintoons to my videos---non stop. BEWARE-- Be ready for all the ugly stuff that comes out though. Their profuse "Sweating to the Oldies" will be more so because of their history being revealed than because of my video's.

Glad to help. Someone else will have to decide what to do with them after the exorcism.
Perhaps forced exile to France, or due to the gravity of their revealed activities they may repeat Nicolae and Elena Ceausescu' story of late December 1989.Or possibly Gollum could carry out the post-exorcising duties.

Posted by: Exorcising RICHARDena at June 13, 2003 12:30 PM

The more I hear about the clinton years in the White House, the more it reminds me of the movie about 'Ma and Pa Kettle', where they won a 'new fangled' house with all the modern conveniences. You can get it on video! When you watch it, so you will believe Percy Kilbride is 'Bubba', just imagine him with no pants on!

If you have never seen 'Ma and Pa Kettle' movies, I guess another example of "Bubba' and 'sHillary', could be, imagine 'The Beverly Hillbillies', but dumber and with NO morals!

Click my name to take you to the movie at IMDB!

Posted by: Susan Serin-Done at June 13, 2003 01:41 PM

since most of you probably won't be Scrappling this weekend:

Happy Father's Day to all the daddy's (including the King of Scrapple,Scott Ott).

Especially keeping in mind & heart those who are valiantly and faithfully serving and are away from their children.

And an extra special place in the heart for Darth Chef who's going to be spending his first Father's day without his firstborn, Christopher. You're definitely in my (our) thoughts and prayers, Darth.

{I had a hard time deciding which Fathers Day page I'd link to my name so there's one there for you and you can copy/paste this 2nd one in your browser,if you'd like.}

http://www.maxlucado.com/read/good.dad/index.html

If I had that html thing down I'd have made this a special fancified greeting for you poppa's!(:~})

God bless you Dad's!

Posted by: U2B LFC in Colorado at June 13, 2003 01:50 PM

Hey, U2B LFC in Colorado, any body ever tell you talk too much? put your keyboard away for a week. Nobody like to hear you run you mouth all of the time. Shut your pie hole, woman.

Posted by: Mr. Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf at June 13, 2003 11:43 PM

Mohammed Saeed a-Ashhaf

How dare you talk about my feline friend that way. Yes, she does tend to "looove the world" a bit much, but that is because she has no life outside of posting. Let her be. She is not harming anyone

Posted by: U2B Matt Goober Shivers somewhere in the Rocky Mountains at June 16, 2003 03:40 PM

Welcome back Scott - it was a dreary Monday morning without ScrappleFace! Almost as bad as no coffee. :)

Posted by: Cassandra at June 16, 2003 04:09 PM

Muhammed Al (BAD) Asaeed....Matt GOober...(since you ARE one in the same)----

I have chosen to ignore you [under all your different names] ( yes...I have you pegged, child)

so why not return the favor! Grow up and get a life!if you HAVE to imitate and chide---you have NO life!).

You seem to carry quite the grudge. Acting like you're still ticked about a response I made to you when you posted as "angry commie". You ought to keep THAT name.

Talk to the PAW! ( but then you're too self amused talking to yourself under your different names--you're BUSTED..you're too obvious!)

peace--OUT!

Posted by: U2B LFC in Colorado at June 16, 2003 04:23 PM

P.S....Matt G s./Muhammed Al/ Lynch Fam Pet Rock. I happened to notice your disrespectful drabble was edited out at the "goodbye David" thread. Have you NO regard for anyone other than yourself (yourSELVES)? Don't answer...already know...

ignore mode: ON

Posted by: U2B LFC in Colorado at June 16, 2003 05:14 PM

Welcome back Scott.

Cass: Its not over....

yaksun

Posted by: yaksun at June 16, 2003 06:29 PM

yaksun:

Tell me about it...I wonder what the word "monday" originally meant? Probably, "the stars say you will have a truly obscene amount of work dumped on your desk today and will be up all night trying to finish it - MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA".

Posted by: Cassandra at June 16, 2003 06:41 PM

Hi, thanks for the info!!!It gave me a good laugh imagining Bill beating up that guy!!! See yeah!!!!!!!

Posted by: Randomgirl at June 16, 2003 10:27 PM