Yo!

11. Tough love is not hate speech.

Dude

Isn't it disturbing that common sense becomes satire when we consider the government acting on it?

FMM

Scott, by your Common Sense guidelines to Safe Government, you have rendered The UN and other world governments obsolete. NICE GOING! I wonder if france would understand them...nah.

If you noticed at the G-8, most times you see GWB with Chirp-crock, GWB doesn't let the 'Frog Queen'Chiraq, get behind him! Smart Man!

If France doesnít get its collective head out, it's very likely to be the G-7.

You forgot the "sqare quotes" around "Third world" so it should look like this:

so-called "Third World"

Please fix this post haste.

Regards,
A Vietnam Vet

scar quotes, not sqare. I may be a vietnam vet, but that doesnt mean I can spell.

Regards,
A Vietnam Vet

aww geez. thats it, I quit. I can't even spell "scare," how can I be expected to lead the free world?

Regards,
A Vietnam Vet

is this one of those "so-called Third World countries" meetings where the G-8 people have one bodacious Roman dinner they eat while they bemoan the sad sad sad conditions of the down trodden and the evil fat Americans???....just wondered.

When Europe become the EU, will they get only one slot in the G-7, UN, etc.? How soon till this happens?

FMM

US to give £9bn over five years to fight Aids in the developing world.
What developing world? Most of the nations out there haven't moved an iota in a millennium or three.

12. Stop killing each other.
13. Set up freely elected governments with consistent legal systems and respect for human rights.

First to post as Lynch Family Cat

First to post pantless (or at least to admit to doing so)

New York Times: Here is an excerpt from Hillary Rodham Clinton's new book.

"Bill came to me and said, Hill, I'm sorry, I have had an affair with, 'That Woman', Monica Lewinski! I could not catch my breath, I was gulping for air, I was screaching like a schrew, like some kind of neutered owl, I kept saying, What are you saying? I wanted to wring Bill's neck, he knew how much Monica and I were in love!"

'Please Believe', Jayson Blair!

Sorry Susan, but Shrews are rodents and, at best effort, make only a pathetic wimpering noise. So, your screeching srew metaphore is groundless. Try "Screeching like a cat with its tail caught in a fan belt"

Ok, Ok, due to complaints by my insensitive coworkers, I have put my pants back on. Da_n you Henry Morrison and Ethel Harris. A man should have a right to work pantless. After all, I was wearing boxers and I was scooted up under my desk. So, I say, If you see soemthing that offends you, you must have gone looking for it. As for me, I am going to explore my pantless rights protection under the ADA, the First Amandement, and the Fourth Amandment.

It all kind of boils down to: Pull your head out of your a**, stop listening to the protesting yahoos that say you are "victims", and work your way out of poverty the way every rich country did.

The yammer-heads complain that America is corrupting the cultures of all these impoverished nations. Easy solution: cut off all exports, aid, and Internet access. That will let them develope without "cultural contamination."

Aw come on, SRG:

As a rich capitalist pig-dog oppressor of the undertrodden masses, you know darn well that we are vastly superior to citizens of Third World nations and it is therefore our fault that they aren't doing as well as we are.

They don't stand a chance of improving their lot unless we send lots of tax dollars their way to buy food and drugs that end up in warehouses to be sold on the black market by the corrupt regimes that rule over these poor countries.

This is just common sense, isn't it?

Charity begins at home. Let's reroute aid $$ intended for third world countries to correct problems here at home.
This could help fund the "entitlement" programs (pardon me while I barf) the Dems are always whining about while easing the tax burden on people who actually work for a living.

To all the people in Africa who say "Why don't you help us?" My answer is, "Why should we?"
What American interests are served by pouring billions down a rat-hole?
You screamed and cried that the European colonial powers should leave and give you your independence. They did. So what are you complaining about now?

Yeah, but if we stop sending tax dollars to Africa, how will all the guilt-ridden yuppies get their fix of righteous satisfaction? If Africa becomes self-sufficient, they won't have any poor victims of American imperialism who are beholden to liberals for their very existence.

I think there is a case to be made for investment in the third world, but it should be one of enlightened self-interest. It would be to our advantage (and theirs) to help Third World countries prosper - this would reduce the immigration burden on industrialized nations and stabilize entire regions that have provided safe haven for extremists and their terrorist buddies. But welfare is not the answer - it doesn't work here at home, and it won't work abroad, either.

You forgot to mention the big one: Stop tolerating corruption in any form.

You forgot to mention the big one: Stop tolerating corruption in any form.

In defense of shrews: Last summer while sitting in my back yard I noticed a shrew running around, oblivious to me, hunting for bugs and such. Near-sighted as they are, it almost ran into my shoe. Seeing it as an interloper in its territory, it reared up on two legs and squeaked at me. To shrew-sized ears, I'm sure it was a mighty roar.

Shrews are the most fearless carnivores on the planet. Being warm-blooded at such a small size means their metabolism has to run at a furious rate. To fuel this they hunt constantly and will attack and kill prey more than twice their size. While they usually eat insects and worms, they have been often seen killing mice.
Incidentally, my cat thinks they are loads of fun to play with, until they die.

I think Hill's new book ought to be entitled: The Taming of the Shrew, or How Politics, fame and fortune gave me the wherewithall to tell Billy to get the helk out of my life...but the title would be too long...and ppuullllleaazzzze...the smartest rat mammal in the white house EVER, who can make a 100 grand on cattle futures (I gues Eleanor gave her the insider trading tip!), and hired someone to quell the bimbo eruptions didn't KNOW about Monika Lewdinsky?

She probably had a deal with Teflon Will and that was to do his best to not embarrass her with his affairs and she would do her best to hide her feelings about other people.

And him.

>>>Shrews are the most fearless carnivores on the planet.-----they hunt constantly and will attack and kill prey more than twice their size.-----they usually eat insects and worms, they have been often seen killing mice---

Thanks SRG: Other than putting a 'c', in the word shrew, I guess my analogy of Hillary was pretty accurate.

BTW, I purposely left out the fact that Shrew's are warm blooded, as we all know how 'cold-blooded' Hill is. So that fact didn't help my cause! Thanks for understanding!

Also I figured if Shrew's are good at killing mice, Hill would have no problem will 'Bubba'!

P.S. Love your posts!

Should be 'with' Bubba.

Ya'll got it all wrong.
Follow these guidelines to solve your Third World nation's problems:
1. People in poor countries should produce things that people in other countries want to buy so they can pay off their foreign debt with the increased tax revenue.
People are poor cause they have no money, honey. So rich republicans should send money to the democrats so we can dangle it in front of our African freinds and keep em dancin.

2. Improve your water quality by using modern plumbing, and keeping drinking water separate from drainage or effluent.
Tap water is no good for you. Evian or some other French bottled water is very expensive so see above for my advice.

3. Stop having sex with people to whom you are not married.
This is just another republican cheap shot and I refuse to fall into this trap again. Let's just move on.

4. Cheap medicines don't exist anywhere. It's cheaper to stay healthy by avoiding dirty water and sex outside of marriage.
What we need is a comprehensive health care program for everyone. Rich Republicans, please get out your checkbooks, you folks is buyin'.

5. To relieve overcrowding, don't live so close together. If you see two shacks about 10 feet apart, don't build yours between them. Go somewhere else. Africa is a big continent.
Village sprawl is not the answer. We cain't take the chance of damaging the fragile ecosystem by expanding the habitation area of rapcious humans (forgive me I had Al write this one for me)

6. One of France's greatest contributions to the world is the term coup d'etat. One of America's greatest gifts is the phrase Just do it. Get the hint?
Only a conservative would want to change every thing. Are you insane? Someone may get hurt. The status quo is the most precious thing we have. It must be nurtured with all the care we can. Look what happened in 1776. thousands died, to what end? Was forming the USA worth the death toll. these people love being abused. I know. I'm a southerner.

7. Learn to read, then use that skill to learn anything else you need to know. If you don't have many books, write some, or logon to Amazon.com.
You will never be able to apply for US aid if you cain't read the forms.

8. Don't be a victim. Instead of blaming the rich, become rich. Stop taking charity. Insist on working for your bread.
Another case of blaming the victim. How can they stop taking welfare if we haven't even set up the welfare program yet? They have a right to food, clothing and shelter. (You guessed it rich republicans, whip out the checkbook).

9. Nobody cares about your country as much as you. Take responsibility for its condition.
Wrong Again, we have the peace corps, we have the America corps, we have Aids money, reparations are only months away. hold on folks the democrats will rule agin. and then we'll get some of that republican money for you. No work required.

10. If your nation will follow these guidelines, we'll soon be calling this the G-9 summit."
Well, let's not get carried away heah. I like these folks as much as anyone. But being in the G-8 made me feel real special. And it is a chick magnet. If we let them folks in, well what chance would a white boy like me have? That bit about bein' the first black president, well that was metaphorically speakin' if ya knows what I mean.

Posted by Scott Ott | Donate via PayPal | TrackBack | Comments (29) | More News Satire |

I think that we can stay healthy by having dirty sex outside of marriage.

How can you Puritans tolerate lies ?

I think I know how the liberal left can get more votes and attack big business at the same time. All they have to do is get passed into law a bill that requires the big three auto makers to pay rebates to low income families who have NOT bought new SUVs from their dealerships. This program can go hand in hand with a bill that provides tax relief for those who do NOT pay taxes. The 2004 elections will be democratic landslides and the country and big business can get back to their real jobs - redistributing wealth.

Joseph:

You are too clever by half.

I'd be in love with you if I didn't suspect you of being Ayn Rand in disguise...heck - I may be in love with you anyway :)

Cassandra,
Now my heart is broken. My dreams of a bloggy romance lie in the dust.
Alas.
Alack.
Woe is me.

You will always be first in my heart - I think it was the kilt that cinched it :)

Except you're too smart for me - I'd always be playing catch-up.

Aw, shucks *blush*

Chicks dig guys in kilts, at least, that's what I keep telling myself.
Kind if like the line from Mel Brooks' Robin Hood flick: It takes a real man to wear tights.

I'm too smart?
I've read your posts. You are being entirely too modest.

In re #7 -
I would add to the "Amazon" reference that there exists this thing called a "public library." Or. for the transportation-challenged like myself and the impatient, a number of sites offer free E-books: mostly the classics and public-domain (good stuff, if sometimes boring) but an occasional BAEN.COM will offer up even copyrighted books for free.

Per the ninth message, John Kerry is apparently out of the race.

You know, many people do not realize this because he hardly ever mentions it, but Senator John F. Kerry is a VietNam veteran.

You know, many people do not realize this because he hardly ever mentions it, but Senator John F. Kerry is a VietNam veteran.

You know, many people do not realize this because he hardly ever mentions it, but Senator John F. Kerry is a VietNam veteran.

Have you heard the rumor that John Kerry was actually a VietNam vet? I wasn't sure whether to believe it or not.

I just heard the Senator John F. Kerry is a honest-to-God Vietnam Veteran! It's not like there are too many of those running around this day and age. Maybe if we ask him he can take his experiences from Vietnam and lead our country during this trying time. Senator John F. Kerry surely is a man of the people, you know that he was not born rich like our current President. Nope Senator John F. Kennedy err Kerry MARRIED for money. And to show his stupidy err commitment he signed a prenuptial. That another thing he learned in Vietnam.

Many people do not realize this because he hardly ever mentions it, but President G W Bush is NOT a VietNam veteran.

Good thing he isn't running for the Senate.

Great post.....Point 1 needs examining though

Developing countries generally produce food as their main export product. Europe and USA hate importing cheap good quality food from overseas because it puts their heavily subsidised farm sector under pressure to respond to market forces (and wouldn't that suck?).

If G8 dropped all tarriffs on imported food, there would be less need for foreign aid money in many countries and no need for aid in others as they traded their way into prosperity.

Free trade, not aid!

Hiii,
How are u doing? This is a take care of yourself message.
Take Care.
Be very Law Abiding
Best Regards
Austin