ScrappleFace: Jayson Blair Becomes Consultant to Bloggers

Jayson Blair Becomes Consultant to Bloggers

(2003-05-17) -- Reporter Jayson Blair, fired from The New York Times, has launched his own business as a consultant and editor for writers of personal weblogs.

Oddly enough, Mr. Blair got the idea from a New York Times story about bloggers reporting on their friends and co-workers causing "hurt feelings, newly wary friends and relatives, and the occasional inflamed employer."

Mr. Blair will use his experience at the Times to help bloggers disguise identities, create more interesting lives for themselves, and "keep out of trouble."

"I'm going to take what I learned in my wide travels for the Times, and use it to benefit humanity," Mr. Blair said. "Jessica Lynch's father once told me, as we sat on his front porch overlooking the tobacco fields and cattle pastures, 'if life hands you a lemon, you make lemonade'."

Mr. Blair said "ongoing personal problems" prevent him from disclosing how much he will charge bloggers for his services.

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I thought it was "lemonade."

Editor: It is. Correction made. Thank you.

Posted by: JAGCAP at May 17, 2003 08:22 AM

"Calling Dr. Blair (sounds better than high school graduate Blair!) Dr. Blair to emergency! Web Identity Crisis in progress - Code Yellow!"

Alert Scrappler SunofAyak notes in the thread under "Bush Hires Wachowskis to Stage News Events:"

"Has anyone else noticed that on other threads Dave Goodstein posts under different names, one of which is Joe? IS he Jewish, as he claims? Does he want a war with North Korea, or like other Libs, if one starts, to say, 'We are already in Afghanistan and Iraq, I told you Bush was going after the Whole World!'"

Step right up Dave/Joe/Etc! No doubt there'll be a substantial "early bird" discount for your make-over.

Posted by: JAGCAP at May 17, 2003 08:35 AM

Blairs' on going personality problem is that he is a lying moron whotook advatnge ofhte fear that libs have of offending a minority.

Posted by: Mikey at May 17, 2003 08:55 AM

Scott: How did you miss getting "cerulean glow " into your story?

Posted by: Greyhawk at May 17, 2003 11:04 AM

What Mikey said, just without all of the spelling errors and messups...

Greyhawk... ummmm?

PCT

Posted by: Paul C. Tindall at May 17, 2003 02:11 PM

I'm changing my name... What used to be the accursed Paul C. Tindall is now an angry commie on the loose. Just thought you should know.

Posted by: Angry Commie at May 17, 2003 02:12 PM

Oddly enough, Mr. Blair got the idea from a New York Times story about bloggers reporting on their friends and co-workers causing "hurt feelings, newly wary friends and relatives, and the occasional inflamed employer."

Next Scrappleface story:

Inside Bambi Stokes-Hymington: Man or woman? Flaming liberal or closet conservative? Ditsy blond or clever parody? YOU be the judge after reading this tell-all account of a blogger gone bad.

Frenchman: What do those 3 letters* REALLY mean? Is he really French, or just a deranged ChIraq groupie?

*WMD

Casserole: Behind Le Bad Poetry. The tragic tale of a techie wench slowly sucked into the sordid world of blogging. Hear about the Oreo addiction, the binging on cheap Sauvignon Blanc, her issues with "self-esteem"...

Yaksun: a man obsessed with invading North Korea and haunted by images of Dubya. Will the bloggers of ScrappleFace be able to lure him over to the Dark Side?

Someone help me out, here - I've have lots of ideas but have to get some work done.

Posted by: Cassandra at May 17, 2003 02:42 PM

Dearest Cassandra,

I was beeped by my answering service and asked to respond to an emergency call at the hallowed halls of the Senate. I can't stay long but would be happy to give each of these posters a brief consultation on your behalf. I can see that these are not critical cases, but none the less perhaps a brief consultation is in order. I have nothing but utmost confidence in your own ability to slowdown the dreadful progressive disease ,they exhibit known as ìDyslexic Political Agenditusî. I do believe these are atypical cases. Please try to remember that they were all influenced by political disruptive thinkers, the carrier parasites of ìDyslexic Political Agenditusî. Their mentors were themselves victims of the same mental disorder. This disease being self propagating and destructive to no end. They can only be helped by "The Three C's" [corrective, conservative, counseling]. May God Bless you for the wonderful work you are doing. Below find a brief descriptive scope of their medical charts.

[Bambi Stokes Hymington] Patient #123
In the world there are only three kinds of people; people who can count and people who can't.

[Yaksun]Patient #456
His conclusions are simply the place where he got tired of thinking.

[Frenchman]Patient #666
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with
experience.

Respectfully,

Dr. Harden Stuhl
MD,DD,PHD,(Mostly BS) Microsoft Certified

Posted by: Dr. Harden Stuhl at May 17, 2003 03:39 PM

uhmmm....Dr. Harden(mostly BS) Stuhl
..with all due respect. It appears you have misplaced one of your patients records.

Your diagnosis states:

"[Bambi Stokes Hymington] Patient #123
In the world there are only three kinds of people; people who can count and people who can't."

the misplaced record shows :"

Mr. Bamboozled Stoked Hywomanington cam't speelll eether."

Posted by: Ad Staff Office Assistant at May 17, 2003 03:58 PM

Dr. Stuhl: As always, your professional insight amazes me.

OK - I'm waiting for something to compile...no one is safe

Scott Ott Some say he doesn't exist, others swear they have seen him in the wee hours surrounded by scantily-clad pink pachyderms. Everyone notices that he and Editor are never seen at the same time...could they be one and the same? What is the story behind the dreaded []? Find out why John Kerry and Henry Waxman (D. PRC) fear him. Who will be the next to be skewered by his incisive reporting skills?

Greyhawk Wordsmith extraordinaire and millionaire owner of the Mudville Gazette, will his secret longing for Shania Twain be his undoing? Will Mrs. Greyhawk brain him with a frying pan? We hope not. Stay tuned.

LF Pets Are they 3 separate species, or a single person? Meet Hamster: spinning out of control. Dog: man's best friend, or running, is yellow, and the ScrappleMask which it operates pig-dog? Cat: playful, Kahlua-lapping web pundit, or closet catnip fiend? Join us for Behind the Menagerie.

Posted by: Cassandra at May 17, 2003 04:11 PM

Miss Cassandra Thang!

I see your "compiling" made mention of those pink tu-tued pink pachy's again? AFTER your blood alcohol and blood sugar level got a jolt??

I LMBO at
: "or running, is yellow, and the ScrappleMask which it operates pig-dog"

I miss Lil Kim Il----I love carrying on dialogue with repeat labotomy patients. I wonder if he's finally attentioning to Barbra Streisand and the Scrapple Mask ant eater which it operates.

It is scarey that some of Lil Kim's (grandson of Men Tal Lee) posts start making some sort of sense after awhile. Wonder if he wear lifts in is shoes like his daddy. Lifts like 3 yellow, nucleus apple crates.

I keep reading about the Oreos and I can't stand it any longer---- so I may have to run to Vitamin Cottage and get the Newmans Own..tops and bottoms. Healthier and JUST as tasty as Oreo outsides only.

I guess I'll have to try to visit the Armed Forces Air Show tomorrow, hopefully!

Keep writing----- you've got a whole list of others to go. Please don't feel intimidated in doing an "Dr. Harden(mostly BS) Stuhl "analysis".

Please dont' attempt one on Bambi Hywomanington! I don't want you to end up self medicating and upsetting your blood chemistry balance.

Posted by: Lynch Family Cat at May 17, 2003 04:59 PM

Before I attempt to diagnose Dr. Harden, I'll need to take a stuhl sample... not sure I'm up to that.

Posted by: Cassandra at May 17, 2003 05:10 PM

Dear Cassandra
Uh, I think it would more a case of getting "down" to it. In either case, I'd recommend shoulder length latex gloves - any large animal vet would probably be glad to assist with same.

Posted by: JAGCAP at May 17, 2003 05:28 PM

Dearest Cassandra,

Our complacency can't become an excuse. We must fight the demons of destructive liberal diseases.

We are all a little behind in our posting.[Pardon my pun]

What, I must insist that you realise is,most of mine, is done "tongue in cheek". [Pardon my pun again] :)

Respectfully,

Dr. Harden Stuhl

MD,DD,PHD,(Mostly BS) Microsoft Certified

Posted by: Dr. Harden Stuhl at May 17, 2003 05:44 PM

Latex Gloves Large for Sale - Gloves - Health And Hygiene

Latex Gloves Large

Unit: BOX
Code: 1473158

Order this product online: Latex Gloves Large

www.latexgloves.com

Posted by: Anonymous Doctor at May 17, 2003 05:52 PM

You know, one of the things vets use those gloves for is when your horse has been eating too much sand and the stuff you put in their feed to find up with it impacts in the bowel and then the vet has to reach way down inside (wo-man, you neeeeed... oops sorry Led Zep flashback) and what you wind up with is what we've got here, a huge pile of steaming horse manure.

Posted by: JAGCAP at May 17, 2003 05:57 PM

can't help but wonder how much of this poop scoop blogging will meet the mighty eraser of Ott?

Although editor sanctioned code for "little behind", "donkey synonym", "bum", "bootie maximus",etc is: []

So all you poop talking bloggers better get your []'s in gear and be afraid, be very afraid that the editor will kick your [] for acting like
[] heads.

Posted by: Bertha [ ] & The [ ] Sisters at May 17, 2003 06:51 PM

Dr. Stuhl:

Sorry for the "sample" remark - I couldn't resist the opportunity to make a good pun.:) But I agree - the fight against liberal horse hockey must go on.

JAGCAP: I do believe I will pass (every pun intended) on the gloves... don't want to be accused of being a horse's as*. Butt for this conversation, (which is rapidly careening into the dark back end of beyond), I would probably be getting some work done.

I can't believe I got drawn into this veternary debate. Notice my great subtlety as I attempt to avoid the Wrath of Ott. I go forth, to sin no more.

Posted by: Cassandra at May 17, 2003 07:03 PM

I CAN TOO SPELL 'VETERINARIAN' - I JUST CAN'T TYPE

Posted by: Cassandra at May 17, 2003 07:06 PM

Bertha [ ] & The [ ] Sisters,

I agree with you.

What would Scotts "irregular" visitors think?

Posted by: Harden Stuhl at May 17, 2003 07:58 PM

***** Cassandra & Dr. Harden(mostly BS) Stuhl!

------y'all are on a (tootsie) ROLL today!

I laughed till there were tears....

Ms Cassandra thang!---fuggedabout your work...keep entertaining us here.(:~})

Posted by: Lynch Family Cat at May 17, 2003 08:32 PM

********p.s. to last post*******

I laughed my [ ] off....
Or in cyber-speak: LM[]O

Posted by: Lynch Family Cat at May 17, 2003 08:33 PM

It is the Americans who have cooties. I have seen it myself.

http://www.nationallampoon.com/MoDstyles/newsflash/main/nf_osama.asp

Posted by: Frenchman at May 17, 2003 09:09 PM

FRENCH FRY...

....wrong blog...cooties elsewhere!

......this is your brain....on or off drugs--no difference:
http://www.funsilly.com/cootie.shtml

Posted by: Lynch Family Cat at May 17, 2003 09:33 PM

Frenchman!!!! I am wagging with delight I am that happy to see you.

Cassandra, The Cat and I are two separate individuals, and I have been quiet due to my recent outburst on another thread.

I don't normally get nasty, as I prefer to bark every once in a while instead of nip or bite.

I have never figgured out Bambi stokes-Hymington
because, well, I have an urge to chase him down and see if he really is the Bambi I know...deer caught in headlights, ya know?

However, like a good doggie, I prefer to sit and watch and listen to the humans around me and learn all I can, and occasionally offer up the odd comment or two.

Posted by: Lynch Family Dog at May 17, 2003 10:08 PM

JAGCAP: Thanks for the promo on my post about Dave Goodstein!

After reading many of Dave/Joe's posts made me think of a Cheech & Chong routine, (sorry, I BENT it a little!)

"Dave, Dave?-----Dave's not (ALL) here, man!"
Neither is yaksun!

Posted by: SunOfAyak at May 18, 2003 12:24 AM

This week's irony has to be Jayson Blair being quoted in an interview as saying "Don't believe everything that you read in the newspaper".

This story will eventually go away; however, as we are finding out, it really is not as big a deal as was previously thought. It seems that there isn't a great deal of confidence in the press being lost because there isn't a great deal of confidence in the press, period. Between choice of story, choice of headline, word choice, and the mention of "unnamed sources", there was not a whole lot of faith being placed in the material that the "reporters" reported.

Posted by: Joseph at May 19, 2003 08:26 AM