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March 25, 2003
U.S. Offers Iraq Russian-Made Equipment

(2003-03-25) -- The United States, in a goodwill gesture, has offered to outfit the Iraqi Republican Guard with all new Russian-made high-tech equipment.

"Russia's track-record for excellence in high-tech manufacturing is legendary," said an unnamed Pentagon spokesman. "That's why you can hardly walk into an electronics store anywhere in the world without seeing shelves bulging with Russian-made electronic devices."

Russian President Vladimir Putin denied the existence of any deal to provide such equipment to the Iraqis.

"We categorically reject the accusation that Russian factories produce high-quality electronics," he said.

by Scott Ott | Donate | | Comments (42) | More Satire | Printer-Friendly
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I can not believe you are putting this here after I am putting this somewhere else! Now I am putting this here too. All who read it one time read it two times now! I am Ooglay!!


So now you are thinking you know war is bad? Not the half of the bad things you are knowing! I am Ooglay and for my glorious father i would hand pull a wagon full of nuclear, biological and chemical weapons to the syrian border except that i just drove it there and it was a truck!
Now I will tell you where I have been: After my beating my brothers took me and hoisted me up on the flagpole on the roof of the last standing ministry of defense building here in Baghdad!! And all that day and into the night I stayed there on top of the empty building, like hello american missile pilots, here is Ooglay shoot me!! And Uday was thinking he was very funny to be shining the russian laser guidance beam on me that night from across the street! D**n the russians! We shine their useless guidance lasers on the museums and the mosques and they are not hit ever!! The Russians will pay for selling useless crap to my angry father, I will be telling you!! Well Allah be praised Ooglay was spared when the Americans did not come that night! So I am thinking Good they maybe are starting on Teheran (this should be making you protestors angry!) but the next day they still leave me up flapping all day. And so they would the next night but my mother, praise upon her wondrous beauty, arrived on the bus from Umm Qasr and gave Uday a beating with his own cane and made him take me down! And I am not knowing what she did to my illustrious father but he has stopped drawing his pistol now when I enter the room!
So it is I Ooglay, who is knowing that war is dangerous!!

Posted by: Ooglay Hussein at March 25, 2003 01:19 PM


I know how to finance this war:

http://shorterlink.com/?7BLBQH

p.s. my father, who chairs the local Republican party and who served for our country, says that the Russians are not good at electronics. So I think you are wrong on this one.

Sincererly,

George Butcher
Patriot

Posted by: George Butcher at March 25, 2003 01:32 PM

ah george...

p.s., my cousin's uncles's father's brother-in-law, who is chairman of FoxNews, says that ScrappleFace is a satire website. Satire, you know satire?

Posted by: tom at March 25, 2003 01:38 PM

Just Believe!

Believe this frenchman

France is a country of ho's. you will sell your souls to whoever will benefit you the most.

People of great thought 200 years ago who you like to quote so often are DEAD! What they think doesn't matter.

France sells equipment and weapons components to Iraq, in violation of UN resolutions, so what france thinks about UN resolutions is obviously unimportant

I say we all go down to the French Embassy in Washington DC and burn a couple of French flags and images of SureLikeIraq and beat up any French citizens who happen to come by.

Posted by: Darth Chef at March 25, 2003 01:51 PM

Oh I get it... that's why all the new Radio Shaq franchises popping up everywhere.

It just occurred to me... that the Democrats, Hollywood, and the Liberal Media should be in favor of this war for the simple reason that we are fighting against a "Republican" Guard. They are such hypocrites !! *sigh*

Posted by: Phrog Poet at March 25, 2003 01:58 PM

G(-W)B
>>Patriot

Kudos on the satire... SCUD (russian electronoics, btw)

Posted by: Phrog Poet at March 25, 2003 02:06 PM

*ROFL* - a perfect 10 from the Russian judge

LPB

Posted by: logicpenaltybox at March 25, 2003 03:07 PM

Darth Chef
Rather than burn the french flags. Cut them into little squares and use them in the porta-potty's. Let them know what we really think of them. They are after all white aren't they?

Posted by: Mike S. at March 25, 2003 03:40 PM

Rather than burn the french flags. Cut them into little squares and use them in the porta-potty's. Let them know what we really think of them. They are after all white aren't they?

LMAO!!!

Posted by: Celissa at March 25, 2003 04:05 PM

This just in -
Four of the nine trucks believed to be portable chemical weapons factories have only just been captured by coalition forces outside of Bagdhad. Upon closer inspection it turns out the units are simply some form of Russian transister radio. Patterned after the popular Sony Walkman these units are called the Semi-truck-&-trailor Driveman. A Russian spokesman is quoted as praising the ruggedness and durability of the 20 ton radios...

Posted by: zzebu at March 25, 2003 04:32 PM

blah blah blah
oh gee wiz russians selling radio shack systems via black market...

heres one for yah

What every came of the TEN ICBM Missles lost during the Soviet cuop in 1991???

Posted by: blah at March 25, 2003 06:03 PM

Please Believe, I would not bother you people, but no one here will pay any attention to me! Mommy and Daddy, (Mommy says to call him by his real name, 'Uncle Daddy') spend days at a time in their room. I have many lovely cousins and siblings, whom I pro-create with, SOME, are females! Time to go now, it is time to 'stomp the grapes'. Uncle Dad says to wash my feet first. How stupid he is, I will have to wash them afterwards, why do it twice? PUL-EEZZZZEE BELIEVE!!!

Posted by: Frenchman at March 25, 2003 06:43 PM

The funniest thing I have heard happened during the press conference this morning. That 2 star general was asked by an AP correspondent about the GPS jammers and if they have had any effect on our munitions (paraphrased) and the answer was perfect. He said somethng to the effect that we have found and destroyed 6 jammers that had been provided from another country (didn' say who, but we know) and that they had not caused any of our munitions to go off target. Then he said this, "In fact the last GPS jammer was destroyed by a GPS guided munition."

Ok, I would ask for my money back! Having the jammer being destroyed by the weapon it is supposed to jam, PERFECT! God bless the USA

Frenchie, you still here? I can see that you gave up on all your stupid asanine arguments now you are just here as a pure annoyance.

Posted by: Justin at March 25, 2003 06:55 PM

Hey people. Our buddy Putin knew his GPS blockers didn't work! He was trying to help us out! I wouldn't lie to you, really, trust me! To borrow from Frenchman, "Please Believe!"

Slick Willie Clinton

Posted by: "Slick" Willie at March 25, 2003 07:01 PM

Now PETA is protesting on the use of dolphins in clearing the sea mines in the persian gulf. I guess we could always use the PETA to find them, the dolphins are more intelligent than they are and we would really lose sleep if we lost one of them.

Posted by: Justin at March 25, 2003 07:32 PM

I would at this time like to nominate saddam hussein for the Darwin Adards. God only knows just how far he has gone to earn it. May he be eligible this year.

Posted by: Mike S. at March 25, 2003 08:27 PM

Sure hasn't taken the Russkies long to master the finer points of capitalism...

"Ivan, these jammers are USELESS! They don't work! We'll have to trash the whole lot!"

"Nonsense, my old friend Vladimir...we just have to find the right sucker...er, customer."

"But won't they demand their money back when they find they don't work?"

"Shame on you, Vladimir, you haven't thought this through...when they don't work, no more customer. Poof, no problem. Like that batch of faulty parachutes we sold to the former 1st Syrian Airborne Regiment last year, remember? What a regrettable tragedy that training exercise turned out to be... This is going to look great in our shareholder report, you'll see! Now let's go vote ourselves some more stock options."

Posted by: Rabid Rabbit at March 25, 2003 09:22 PM

TO
ALL SCRAPPLE GANG

THIS IS A MANDATORY COMMAND FROM THE TOP BRASS
************************************

http://www.bushcountry.org/

************************************

Posted by: jp at March 25, 2003 11:13 PM

What? France thinks that just because they have nukes they should be allowed on stage with the big boys. Yeah right!! Pointing fingers at others to shift blame away from yourselves is a typically petty criminal MO. First thing we should do is send those spineless whining wimps in the United Nothing to Paris, I'm sure they'll feel right at home. Next we stop all imports from and exports to France, instead we sell everything they need to Britain or Spain or even the former Soviet Block countries who can in turn mark up the prices and then sell to the French. Lets put these aholes in their place. Once we get this rolling we can start on Germany and so on down the line.
All we are saying is Give War a Chance!!

Posted by: Tex at March 25, 2003 11:46 PM

TO
TEX
NOW HERE IS A GUY THAT THINKS ON HIS FEET
GOT YER BACK TEX

Posted by: jp at March 26, 2003 01:44 AM

You guys are too funny... lmao...

Hey !! We are trying to have a serious war here.
(Who you looking at?? Wipe that smile off yer face soldier!)

Isn't this company that makes these GPS jammers... the same one who sells those screen doors for submarines?

Posted by: Phrog Poet at March 26, 2003 02:07 AM

heeeeeeeey =)))))

cool website!

is it kinda yellowish or what? =)

pls check out, link to and comment on my blog:

Russian WarBlog: Gulf War II
http://ricn.ru/blog

i am linking to you today

Sincerely,
Yaroslav Grekov
http://ricn.ru
http://cremlin.ru

Posted by: Yaroslav Grekov at March 26, 2003 02:17 AM

This just in:

After hearing that a U.S. airstrike has taken Iraqi State run Television off the air, The National Broadcasting Service, (NBC), has offered to 'lend' Iraq, their MSNBC Cable Channel. An NBC spokesman stated, "We believe that even 'slanted' news is better than, no news at all, so we have decided to loan them, MSNBC. It was not doing that good anyway, after that damn Fox network got going good! Here's a real chance to see how Phil Donahue can do with no competition at all, he is still under contract, so we have to pay him anyway! This will also give Phil a chance to test out his, 'Freedom of Speech' beliefs with Saddam, up close and personel!"

Posted by: Susan Serin-Done at March 26, 2003 03:30 AM

The real reason for her departure. Bill, I told you they were members of the Stonecutters Society. You guys have to believe us.

http://www.rense.com/general28/ssb.htm

Posted by: S. Bob at March 26, 2003 10:42 AM

Bill, I posted in the wrong bin. But remember, violence only begets violence, so don't hit me.It would set a bad example.

Posted by: S. Bob at March 26, 2003 11:34 AM

Now we know that our EMP bomb (E-bomb) works, we should conduct other tests on its effectiveness on the likes of al-liarjeezra and others that I do not have to mention.

Posted by: Justin at March 26, 2003 03:00 PM

Definition: Suicide: a. The act of taking 1000 vehicles (APC's or tanks) out into the open against a superiour ground force that has air superiourity.
b. The act of abandoning a city that you mostly control and take 120 of your vehicles out into the open to be vanquished by a superior ground force with air superiority.

If they keep this up the war might end sooner than we thought!

Posted by: Justin at March 26, 2003 03:12 PM

Justin - I worry that the Fedayeen Saddam forced the civilians into the vehicles and made them drive them out of the city, holding loved ones behind to force cooperation. That way, when the coalition forces obliterate the military vehicle column, the coalition can be blamed for killing civilians. I put nothing past those animals.

Posted by: AHA at March 26, 2003 03:52 PM

Good point AHA,
If they keep this treachery up, things will get really ugly.

Posted by: Justin at March 26, 2003 03:59 PM

THE GREAT STATE OF OREGON
***************************

IS NOW READY TO PASS A BILL
ALL VIOLENT ANTI WAR PROTESTERS

SHALL BE DEEMED AS TERRORIST
****************************

Posted by: LAW at March 26, 2003 08:38 PM

Having been to Oregon once or twice, I doubt that they're going to pass any bills restricting anti-war protestors anytime soon.

On the other hand, I think it's safe to label "violent anti-war protestors" as hypocrites. Or as oxymoronic. Some kind of moronic, anyway.

Posted by: Rabid Rabbit at March 26, 2003 11:33 PM

One PLO fighter (Achmad) to another (Hammed) on the bus crossing the bridge from Syria, "Darn nice of the Syrians to let us use their bus, eeh?"
Hammed - "Sure was, and nice of them to let us cross through Syria to get into the fight in Iraq."
Achmad - "I'm sure glad to get away from the eyes and ears of the Mossad, aren't you?"
Hammed - "Yep, can't wait to kill me some American cowboys."
Achmad - "What is that noise that sounds like an oncoming locomotive?"
Hammed - I don't kn.......................

One Israeli agent, peering through binoculars, to another beside him just after taking out his monitoring earpiece. "They seem to have forgot about the mouth of the Mossad, eeh?"

Posted by: Carl Snodgrass at March 27, 2003 03:32 AM

Will GPS Blockers help me with my weight problem or should I stick to Metabolife?

Posted by: Michael Moore at March 27, 2003 03:36 AM

Hamas Feedeyan (sp) fighter in Basra to Shi'ite Farsi speaking local. "What is it you do when you point to me and jump up and down waving your arms at the British troops."

Farsi speaking Shi'ite: Kind Sunni friend (In broken Arabic of course) you do not understand our culture, Praise be to Allah. When Shi'ites jump up and down, waive their arms and point it means they, praise be to Allah, condem the tyrannical invader to death, Praise be to Allah.

Hamas/Feedeyan fighter, "Oh, but tell me why is it that you now duck onto to dirt? Is this another part of your culture?"

Farsi Shi'ite, "Yes we always do this when there is an incoming British mortar round, PRAISE BE TO ALLAH."

Posted by: Carl Snodgrass at March 27, 2003 03:51 AM

Quote"I say we all go down to the French Embassy in Washington DC and burn a couple of French flags and images of SureLikeIraq and beat up any French citizens who happen to come by."

Darth Chef,

While I appreciate your enthusiasm - I think you would find it immpossible to get in the front door of the french enbassy.Many people don't know this but the french embassies (or "emba-Sissies" as they are more commonly known in the rest of Europe),only have back doors. This is so the french can make hasty retreats.

As for your desire to be beating french citizens,an average frenchman retreating in fear, has been clocked at speeds well over, and up to five times faster, than any of his adversaries.

You could also try to burn their flags, but they are usually permeated with wine and urine to the point, that I don't hink you would even get a spark.

I think your time would be much better spent constructively by going to www.soapthefrench.org, where the french are being taught in ever increasing numbers, to buy and use soap. While it may not appease your anger, it is fun to watch them the first time they discover that cleanliness can be your friend.

Posted by: Harden Stuhl at March 27, 2003 04:30 AM

Burn a french flag? How 'bout a french car? Oh, that's right no one in the US drives one. Besides they have a serious defect...they only go in reverse.

From hoolywood: I support the troops but not the war. Yes, yes, and I support breathing but just don't like oxygen. I like water but it's just too wet.

Entertainment news: Ditzi Chiqs: I must respect the person in the office of the president when I say that I'm ashamed he's from Texas. I must also respect the fact that our album sales are down by 43% cuz it's hard to sing with my foot in my mouth.

Posted by: south texas ranchman at March 27, 2003 09:50 AM

Michael Moore,

No. Metabolife probably won't do you much good now at this advanced stage of your problem. I will write you a precription for Ex-Lax. Take two of these three times per day until you can turn sideways to dissapear, and there is no more foul odor.

Posted by: Dr. Purge D. Pue. at March 27, 2003 11:11 AM

Dr. Purge D. Pue.,

May I call you Purge? Thank you for your quick response. I have taken the GPS Blockers back to my Russian health food store. I have also decided not to try Metabolife. Many of my friends have suggested working out. Some of them have suggested working out of the country. I guess you aren't the first person that has wanted to help me disappear. Can you get a prescription for Ex-Lax over the internet?

Yours Truly,

Michael Moore

PS. Only 300 lbs to go.

Posted by: Michael Moore at March 28, 2003 02:25 AM

Ooglay Hussein,

You aren't the same Ooglay Hussein I remember from PS-32 grade school in the Bronx are you? Man it is a small world. What you been up to?
Tariq and I were just talking about you last week during spring break at flight instruction school.

Posted by: Fahd al Sa`ud at March 28, 2003 02:46 AM

OOglay,
Haven't heard much lately, did you catch the tail end of those 4,700lb bunker busters yesterday?

A tank (M1A1) and its 4 member crew was lost to an anti-tank round that was sold to them by non other than the Russians. A-HOLES!

Posted by: Justin at March 28, 2003 12:24 PM

Yes Michael,

I think you can get ex-Lax on the internet. You may not even need a prescription except for the extra strengh. You might even consider just going to Mexico for an extended visit. The climate will do you good and all you need to do there is to drink the water, and let "Montazuma's Revenge" and nature take its course.

It's important to keep in mind that you must keep this purification process up until there is no more oral flatulance as well. Best of luck.

Posted by: Dr. Purge D. Pue at March 30, 2003 12:03 PM

Why are American Companies getting left behind on selling Iraq military equipment? I bet a bag of a common product sold by the company Pop Secret would be effective as a detector for an E-bomb blast.

Posted by: Super Hoser at April 4, 2003 09:44 PM
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