ScrappleFace500.gif
Top Headlines...
:: Bush Applauds Arafat's 'New Attitude'
:: 'Fahrenheit 9/11' Sequel to Feature Jar Jar Cameo
:: Coroner: Arafat Died of Tilex Poisoning
:: Arafat May Soon Sign Death Certificate
:: Specter Backs Ashcroft for Next Supreme Court Opening
:: NJ Gov. McGreevey Leaves Office with Mandate
:: Specter Backs Partial-Burial Abortion for Arafat
:: Specter Retracts Ill-Conceived Abortion Remarks
:: Bush Swats Kofi Annan with Rolled Newspaper
:: Arafat Burial Plans Done in Time for Final Death

December 08, 2002
Rice University Racial Synonyms Trickle Down

(2002-12-08) -- Synonyms for race and ethnicity, used by the Rice University admissions board to give the appearance of compliance with a 1996 court ruling that bars using race as a factor in admissions, have trickled down to the student body.

A visit to the Rice cafeteria, called Sammy's, reveals that students now typically refer to each other's cultural traditions rather than using street slang for black, Latino or Asian, for example. This mimics the admissions board, which will cite a candidate's leadership of a black student organization rather than mention that he is African-American.

"Now that the students have followed the lead of the administration," said an unnamed university official, "we are a truly an institution where a person is not judged on the color of his skin, but on the content of his thesaurus. Dr. King would be pleased."

Students concur enthusiastically.

"I used to greet my close friends with the 'N' word, and give them a hug," said junior Latrell Griffin. "Now, I just say somthing like, 'Hey, associate who observes Kwanzaa.' It takes a little longer, but I don't want my friends to think I choose them because of their race. My friendships are all merit-based."

Here are some other examples of greetings overheard in the Rice cafeteria:

  • "Hey, woman who thinks Taco Bell is not authentic."
  • "G'morning, one who wears a small circular head-covering during certain religious seasons."
  • "What's up, person whose ancestors crossed the Pacific Ocean to get here?"
  • "Good afternoon friend who is statistically more likely to suffer from sickle-cell anemia."

by Scott Ott | Donate | | Comments (0) | More Satire | Printer-Friendly
Buy "Axis of Weasels," the first book by Scott Ott. $12.95 + S&H;
Email this entry to: Your email address:
Message (optional):
Skip to Comments Form
0A
100 Recent Comments
Access the 100 most recent ScrappleFace reader comments, with links to the stories and to commenter archives.
ScrappleFace Headlines