(2002-09-19) — After surviving attempts to dethrone him as CEO, Steve Case announced today that AOL Time Warner will merge with Hershey Foods. The $12 billion deal will create “the world’s biggest digital-chocolate-media enterprise,” an ebullient Case told reporters.
“We’ll double the market value of AOL,” he said, “It’s a merger of equals, and it’s really all about synergy and content. Hershey brings strong brand recognition to our incredible distribution system.”
Case said he anticipated no layoffs as a result of the merger, because “our two businesses are totally unrelated.”
“You’re going to start seeing co-branding almost immediately,” Case said. “AOL CDs will be packaged with Hershey Bars… of course, we’ll have to make the CDs smaller or the candy bars bigger…but that’s just details. Tony Soprano (from HBO) will switch from cigars to Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. CNN’s Connie Chung will begin offering Kisses to her interview subjects, and Wolf Blitzer will go by the nickname “Jolly Rancher.”
The company, to be known as America Hershey On-Line Enterprises, is testing several slogans including: “Hershey: the Great American Online Chocolate Bar.”
Hershey recently turned down offers from Wrigley and Nestle to buy the Pennsylvania-based candy maker. As it turns out, its lawyers were conducting intense negotiations with AOL Time Warner. The AOL merger with Time Warner about two-years ago, exceeded all expectations, proving to be a windfall for the firm’s accountants and attorneys.
Ted Turner, informed of the merger by phone, wept uncontrollably.

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