(2010-07-29) — Just hours after a federal judge blocked enforcement of several provisions in Arizona’s new immigration law (S.B. 1070), the Obama administration rolled out a new border security plan designed to demonstrate that the federal government is hearing the voice of the people of Arizona.
Judge Susan Bolton Wednesday halted Arizona’s implementation of S.B. 1070 provisions that…
1) required police to determine the immigration status of persons detained for other crimes where a reasonable suspicion exists, and
2) required immigrants to carry identification establishing their status, and
3) prohibited illegal aliens from congregating in public places to solicit employment.
Attorney General Eric Holder, in an exclusive interview with Mexico’s leading daily newspaper, said he understands the concerns of Arizona residents about the dangers of unprotected borders, and will implement the new enforcement plan immediately.
“The major obstacle to immigration enforcement is how to approach suspects without discriminating on the basis of race,” said Mr. Holder. “Under President Obama’s new plan, the Department of Justice will buy a fleet of GM pickup trucks that we’ll use to haul undocumented workers from various gathering places — parking lots, street corners and such. These folks will be hired for the day as federal border-patrol agents and attorneys, and they’ll be given their own GM trucks.”
“Because immigrants don’t need to carry ID to establish their status,” he said, “our federal migrant border-patrol agents will be equipped to generate identification papers for them on the spot, which we’ll then check for authenticity. If everything checks out, the undocumented visitor can be released within minutes to continue his arduous journey.”
The Attorney General added that if a suspect’s new documents are “not in order,” he’ll be provided with an undocumented lawyer who can transport him directly to Judge Susan Bolton’s drive-up service window for swift administration of justice.
11 responses so far ↓
1 AngelaRichter // Jul 29, 2010 at 12:20 pm
Hilarious! I took a little bit more serious spin on it at first, however, knowing you, I kept my tongue close to the cheek. You do have to wonder, sometimes, if they don't really think like that and if you've just given some mid-level lib flunkie an attack of the clevers.
They still don't realize that undocumented still means unregistered voter.
2 SanFranNan // Jul 29, 2010 at 12:31 pm
Taco Bell started this years ago with their slogan, "Make a run for the border"!
Sue them!
3 j.hart // Jul 29, 2010 at 12:37 pm
"As the difficult issue in Arizona is racist conservatives, we are coordinating with ICE and local authorities to ensure that voter registration records are checked during every police encounter with an Anglo-Saxon resident," Holder added. "Registered Republicans will be held for questioning by undocumented lawyers in order to further racial harmony."
4 camojack // Jul 29, 2010 at 12:52 pm
It's already gotten ugly…and I fear that the worst is yet to come.
5 ChileSerrano // Jul 29, 2010 at 1:00 pm
Truly a landmark ruling. Sure to have far-reaching consequences. For example, a little-noticed footnote in Judge Bolton’s decision enjoins bank tellers from insisting that individuals present identification when cashing checks …
6 lwestin // Jul 29, 2010 at 1:06 pm
Nice touch with the 'GM' trucks, the gov't car agency…
7 boberin // Jul 29, 2010 at 2:02 pm
I just want it known that I did not post any headlines after this comment.
8 JamesonLewis3rd // Jul 29, 2010 at 5:31 pm
Nice. WordPress trackbacks created by commercial web sites with no content other than advertising. Sometimes, WordPress s—s.
9 Hawkeye_R // Jul 29, 2010 at 9:24 pm
Funny as usual Scott. But the sad part of this whole deal is that Obama and his minions don't want America to be safe, don't care about the citizens of Arizona, and they don't even care about the illegals… they just want votes. And that's what the illegals represent to them: Latino votes. They'll throw anybody under the bus for power, plain and simple.
10 survivalsupplies4u // Jul 29, 2010 at 10:34 pm
11/02/10 & 2012!
11 onlineanalyst // Jul 29, 2010 at 11:23 pm
Does the Government Motors transportation mean that illegals can now "see the USA in our Chevrolets"?
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