(2009-12-15) — President Barack Obama has acknowledged that his new $23 billion weatherization subsidy program will merely slow the leakage of heat from homes.
So today the president introduced what the White House calls “phase II” of an overall program to completely eliminate carbon emissions from residential buildings.
The $37 billion “cash for cardigans” program will help homeowners to pay for sweaters, cardigans, housecoats, even Snuggies (the blanket with sleeves, As Seen on TV), so that they can dial back the thermostat to a setting that would require combustion of fossil fuels “only during the most frigid episodes of global cooling.”
According to experts at the Climate Research Unit (CRU) at the University of East Anglia, widespread “bundling up” in the U.S. and U.K. will “unquestionably save island nations from seawater inundation, African nations from utter dessication and polar bears from spontaneous combustion.”
“The data, which we recently misplaced, is irrefutable,” said CRU director Phil Jones, currently on involuntary sabbatical. “By combining carbon-credit trading with weather stripping, vegetarianism, cardigan-wearing, alternate-day respiration, and other simple lifestyle changes, we can stave off the destruction of billions of acres of wildlife habitat, and perhaps save humanity as well.”
Under the Obama “cash for cardigans” program, citizens would receive a one dollar credit toward woolen wear for each degree they reduce their thermostat. The White House said this means a senior citizen, living on a fixed income, could receive a $45 cardigan at no charge, simply by turning the thermostat back to 27 degrees Fahrenheit.
41 responses so far ↓
1 JamesonLewis3rd // Dec 15, 2009 at 2:13 pm
"Cash for Inner Tubes" would be the saner approach since, according to Socialist guru Al Gore, the multi-million degree crust of Earth will melt the polar ice cap in 5 years.
2 boberinyetagain // Dec 15, 2009 at 2:41 pm
What do old people need with heat anyway? Sheesh
3 Upnorthlurkin // Dec 15, 2009 at 3:00 pm
So, do these cardigans come in a size that will cover my whole house?! It's -13? this morning…that's gonna take one big sweater!!
4 Hawkeye_R // Dec 15, 2009 at 4:09 pm
"save… polar bears from spontaneous combustion." Great line! Love it.
UNL, Yikes! I will pray for global warming! Keep warm.
5 ChileSerrano // Dec 15, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Polar bears.
Always the polar bears.
Save the seals !
6 Upnorthlurkin // Dec 15, 2009 at 4:36 pm
And Owe-bey-me should lead by example with the alternate-day-respiration thing….let us know how that works out will ya?!
7 JamesonLewis3rd // Dec 15, 2009 at 5:28 pm
It seems to me that "Cash for Inner Tubes" might make more sense, considering Gore's disclosure of the fact that due to the multi-million degree temperature of the Earth's crust the polar ice cap will melt completely in five years.
8 JamesonLewis3rd // Dec 15, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Your comment must be approved by the site admins before it will appear publicly.
Sorry, Scott, I know you have better things to do.
9 ChileSerrano // Dec 15, 2009 at 6:52 pm
Upnorth : That is correct. The polar bear is the most carnivorous member of the bear family, and the principal items in the polar bear diet are Ringed Seals and Bearded seals.
Supplemented, in zoos, by the occasional moonbats who invade their enclosures hoping to pet the cute animals …
10 Upnorthlurkin // Dec 15, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Aren't seals polar bear food?!
11 boberinyetagain // Dec 15, 2009 at 8:34 pm
The gummint will buy you some caulk…perhaps you could fashion a sleeping bag out of that? But you know the old saying…let sleeping bags lie!
12 JamesonLewis3rd // Dec 15, 2009 at 8:51 pm
I'm not sure if <a href="http://swampland.blogs.time.com/2009/12/15/dean-dumb/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+timeblogs%2Fswampland+%28TIME%3A+Swampland%29">Joe Klein going off on Howard Dean is Ironic or not, but I just had to smirk.
13 boberinyetagain // Dec 15, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Of course there's a way to kill several birds with one stone here…burn old folks for fuel. That'd dramatically reduce the healthcare bills, end the need for death panels, save on carbon (except of course while they're burning). Ply them with enough alcohol beforehand and they should go willingly/burn very nicely…
14 Upnorthlurkin // Dec 15, 2009 at 8:27 pm
Well, whew! Now that the temp up here has rocketed up to minus 4 degrees, (not sure why I can no longer make the "degree" symbol….must be sorta like the pea**** glitch…) I guess a cardigan will make a difference….though I think a down sleeping bag would be a better choice!
15 JamesonLewis3rd // Dec 15, 2009 at 8:35 pm
44 °F - (7 °C)
Arlington Municipal Airport
Lat: 32.66 Lon: -97.1 Elev: 630
Last Update on Dec 15, 1:53 pm CST
It was 76°F a couple of days ago and 26°F that night.
16 mindknumbedkid // Dec 16, 2009 at 1:56 am
If people do not voluntarily participate in this program phase II kicks in and the government diverts the funds into the accounts of operatives from the green party who will break into homes and permanently disable their heating units. Fines will also be levied upon any home heating service persons who dare to repair…
17 mindknumbedkid // Dec 16, 2009 at 1:58 am
Is that easier for him to do? How do snakes breath?
18 mindknumbedkid // Dec 16, 2009 at 2:01 am
I'm wondering how long until researchers figure out that humans are completely responsible for the whole circle of life thing. Surely the earth would be completely at peace were it not for our evil influences!
19 mindknumbedkid // Dec 16, 2009 at 2:51 am
Bob, don't forget to request off to Pueblo for the free booklet "Caulk Your Way To Riches While Saving the Planet" publication #7892348760031-002.
20 camojack // Dec 16, 2009 at 6:17 am
“The data, which we recently misplaced, is irrefutable,” said CRU director Phil Jones, currently on involuntary sabbatical.
Beauty; you're definitely on top of your game, Scott.
Regarding methods to conserve resources, let's don't forget the ultimate in recycling: Soylent Green…
21 RAM1 // Dec 16, 2009 at 8:46 am
Obama would simply tell us, "If you want to stay warm, crawl under your rug!", EXCEPT, if we did, we would find all the evidence of his administration's corruption that has been swept there already!
I will have to say there may be hope for Barry though, not as CIC but as a comedian after 2012. That joke he told Oprah about grading his job performance a B+ was as hilarious as anything I have ever heard!
22 RAM1 // Dec 16, 2009 at 8:52 am
Hopefully he might forget and put a couple of the "non-breathing" days together making it a permanent thing!
23 RAM1 // Dec 16, 2009 at 8:54 am
My wish is to someday, put a Polar Bear in every PETA fanatic's home and lock the door!!!
24 JamesonLewis3rd // Dec 16, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Trifecta—Scott, Bill, Steve grade the grade—Excellent!
25 boberinyetagain // Dec 16, 2009 at 1:28 pm
That's kinda where I was going…but with a small twist…but I got voted down…apparently RAM is back in town as feisty as ever. Good to know some things never change
26 boberinyetagain // Dec 16, 2009 at 1:31 pm
You know for certain that many will discover how to game this system just as they do with every other. It's good to able to depend on something and the gummint getting ripped off is more certain than death…
27 conserve_a_tip // Dec 16, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Funny. I wonder if the Obamster realizes that the tighter he makes homes, the more radon gets trapped inside and people die? People die!!!! But I guess that I'm spreading fear.
Sitting in my hotel in Atlanta with nothing better to do than write global warming poetry…the following will go down in history beside Owlgore's. I am anticipating a call from CNN anyday now.
Owlgore - fleshy mass, lumbering among scientific minds.
Lisping calculations derived from dubious facts.
Fear of spectors: looming, dooming finds;
Salivating advocate of tax.
Fear of future - harbinger of heated, certain death,
The One to save mankind's impending Fall,
Sighting carbon ghosts o'er every breath,
Spreads an equity of wealth to all.
Saving mighty polar bears and penquin chicks
from floating 'cross the seas on icy vessel.
Geologic explanations fabricated quick,
Of deadly temps and drills through crust and mantle.
As God looks on with smirk and knowing smile,
this Piper mesmerizes through the land.
And knowing that the lie is only for awhile
will face the God who has it in His hand.
28 conserve_a_tip // Dec 16, 2009 at 4:48 pm
James, today, that's just a waste of good tea. I say just dump Congress into the harbor. Eh?
29 ChileSerrano // Dec 16, 2009 at 7:06 pm
c-a-t : Advocating the dumping of
solidtoxic waste into a navigable waterway of the United States ?There you go again …
30 RAM1 // Dec 16, 2009 at 7:55 pm
That was my thought too. I might add, as a way to cool them down after applying the hot tar and feathers!!!
PS: It may actually have to come to this to change some elitist attitudes!!!
31 JamesonLewis3rd // Dec 16, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Today, in 1773, members of the Sons of Liberty boarded British ships in Boston and dumped their cargo of tea into the harbor.
32 RAM1 // Dec 16, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Chili said earlier to "save the seals", but these Navy Seals REALLY DO need saving!!!
Watch the story here of how a murdering terrorist may use the military (IN)justice system against them: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRc_au_DdGQ&fe...
33 onlineanalyst // Dec 17, 2009 at 4:57 am
What are they really doing in Copenhagen? Hugo Chavez has the answer:
http://www.powerlineblog.com/archives/2009/12/025...
34 onlineanalyst // Dec 17, 2009 at 4:57 am
What are they really doing in Copenhagen? Hugo Chavez has the answer:
http://www.powerlineblog.com/archives/2009/12/025...
35 JamesonLewis3rd // Dec 17, 2009 at 11:43 am
I suggest a dozen or so CH-54s, acting in unison, for the task. There might be some backlash from beach lovers and fish lovers (not to mention architecture lovers), however.
Meanwhile, if you haven't already seen it, CNN has great video of the maiden flight of the 787 that is Absolutely the Most Mind-Bogglingly Beautiful Airplane Ever. Incredible!
Imagine the pulse-rate of the Pilot.
God Bless America!
36 EdistoJoe // Dec 17, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Has any one seen Dr. Bornfreed? Copenhagen news.
http://www.edistojoe.com/2009/12/copenhagen-repor...
37 Libby_Gone // Dec 17, 2009 at 11:45 pm
James Earl Carter wore cardigans during his over-extended stay in the White House.
What about an adjunct program for warm feet?
Pennies for Loafers.
38 onlineanalyst // Dec 18, 2009 at 4:51 am
OT: Gitmo does not cause terrorism: http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=NWJhNjU2YzBl...
39 camojack // Dec 18, 2009 at 5:23 am
"Oh, my." -James Tiberius Kirk's last words
(They come in handy…a lot)
40 CallMeShelly // Dec 19, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Hey, where is my free cardigan, since my income is rather poorly fixed. No cost of living raise this year ya know. Well, my thermostat is never turned on since I receive free heat from the elderly who love below me who turn up the thermostats to solar temps. In turn I must open the windows at night so I can sleep. Maybe I am ahead of the curve but I enjoy room temps about 66 to 68 degrees.
I have been wiped for for a week since my neurologist put me under a 5 day intensive IV steroid treatment. I thought I would be busy on my computer since normally I get this treatment in the hospital, not home, but now the new economy says no more hospital. My aide did come every day along with an RN to hang the ol' bag. Well, today is cold turkey day and I hope to get my brains back soon. What brain cells I did have were useless and I spent most of the day watching a host of Christmas, detective and cowboy movies on the boob tube. Logic was erased for a week so news programs didn't even excite me.
We are seeing a bit of our first snow today. Somewhat late for the first dusting but I won't see what the other side of the Appalachians are getting (thankfully), but I do like snow-it is just that I haven't poked my head outside for a week and need to accomplish a thing or two at the market.
After this week let winter begin!
41 Pickerhead :: Pickings from the Webvine ::December 23, 2009 // Dec 4, 2011 at 8:09 am
[...] Scrappleface says we’re gonna cut carbon with ‘cash for cardigans.’ President Barack Obama has acknowledged that his new $23 billion weatherization subsidy program will merely slow the leakage of heat from homes. [...]
You must log in to post a comment.