(2008-04-25) — As New York Times Executive Editor Bill Keller stands poised to clear 100 reporters and editors from the newsroom due to falling advertising revenue, President George Bush today said Congress should intervene to rescue “The Grey Lady” by quickly passing what he called a “journalistic stimulus package.”
Similar to the president’s economic stimulus package which rescued capitalism from itself, the journalistic stimulus package would protect New York Times readers from editorial instability, while ensuring full employment for reporters and editors whose product is no longer in demand.
Under the terms of the plan, New York Times readers and advertisers would each receive 50 percent rebates of any money they paid to the Times in 2007 that they could apply to the purchase of future subscriptions or ad space.
Meanwhile, New York Times reporters and editors would get the following incentives aimed at increasing the value of their product, to inspire more subscriptions and to boost ad rates.
- 90-percent reduction of cleverly-veiled bias in news stories
- 120-day moratorium on unnamed sources who disparage people who have names
- Immediate halt to public revelation of national security secrets
- Strict rationing of adjectives and adverbs
- Creation of an entirely new category of factual news story, to be called “good news”
- Quadrupling “positive” coverage of efforts by U.S. troops to bring security and comfort to former victims of tyranny. Such stories shall now comprise at least one percent of the daily “news budget”
41 responses so far ↓
1 gafisher // Apr 25, 2008 at 8:45 am
Not so fast, Ms. RightWing, Ink Re#17: "Adieus fish wrap, Adios, ciao, sayonara and auf Wiedersehen adieu."
I found the New York Times essential in the training of my Wiemeranar puppy. Oh, wait — you said Wiedersehen. Entschuldigung Sie, bitte.
2 upnorthlurkin // Apr 25, 2008 at 8:33 am
Sadly, quadrupling the coverage of the great job our troops are doing would only come close to 1 percent of their coverage….
God Bless America!
3 upnorthlurkin // Apr 25, 2008 at 8:43 am
I love to keep banging this drum and beating this dead horse……it’s April 25th and we are under a winter storm watch. A bit too far north for the actual storm warning (for once). I wanna know how we get that Nobel Peace Prize back from that tool, Algore?!
4 boberinyetagain // Apr 25, 2008 at 9:40 am
Some fine ideas Mr. Ott, very good.
every kitchen…needs a chicken
5 mig // Apr 25, 2008 at 9:45 am
The Grey Lady is looking for a good time. e-Harmony might help.
6 Libby Gone // Apr 25, 2008 at 9:58 am
Very Funny Scott, sir!
But what about the “not-so-cleverly-vieled” biases?
7 mig // Apr 25, 2008 at 10:00 am
We’re gonna make it happen…
http://www.236.com/video/?embed_video=1520990967
8 boberinyetagain // Apr 25, 2008 at 10:00 am
“Similar to the president’s economic stimulus package which rescued capitalism from itself”
Now, if we could just suspend the gas tax we could afford to drive to the store and buy things which in turn would inspire the store to print more ads which in turn would…
Rats, where was I and perhaps more importantly, where am I? Twilight zone apparently…
foster spoke…but he slurred his words very badly (well?). Anyone old enough to get that reference is far too old…
9 boberinyetagain // Apr 25, 2008 at 10:03 am
They should rename the rebate. It should be called the “oil company stimulus package cause all anyone is gonna do with $600 is fill the tank twice.
signed home…over to the bank?
10 RedPepper // Apr 25, 2008 at 10:09 am
The New York Times
“All the News That We Can Spin.â€
11 boberinyetagain // Apr 25, 2008 at 10:14 am
All the news that’s printed to fit.
12 Fred Sinclair // Apr 25, 2008 at 10:25 am
in from mig - thanks mig I loved it.
Indiana Bombshell: Obama Can’t Play Basketball Either!
The Sportsman’s Daily | Bio
Wasn’t there a movie awhile back - “WHITE MEN CAN’T JUMP” I thought at the time a movie titled “Black men can’t_(anything)” would have provoked protests for sure.
With Mr. B, Hussein Obama, it’s probably his “white” half (mom’s side”) that can’t play Basketball. His “black” half is being repressed by his “white half”.
With a good lawyer perhaps he can get an injunction? A judges order requiring that his white half cannot come within 100 yards of his black half. That could prove interesting to law enforcement.
Heirborn Ranger
13 Maggie // Apr 25, 2008 at 10:25 am
Scott,
If your 6 proposals were enacted, the NYT
” gray lady” would soon be read.
Mig…re#4
e-harmony is selective in their choice of
clients.
wv interview party: speaking of e-harmony?
14 boberinyetagain // Apr 25, 2008 at 10:32 am
Fred, you’d think the “white” half could bowl and the “black” half could play basketball.
Must be one of those “Star Trek” things where they just can’t get along…
icebergs merciless…didn’t they make a movie explaining this in detail? If not they should…
15 Fred Sinclair // Apr 25, 2008 at 11:05 am
unl #2 Yep, he’s a tool alright but I’ll go with fool.
“I wanna know how we get that Nobel Peace Prize back from that fool, Algore?!”
I say we at ScrappleFace unilaterally declare Rush Limbaugh (he was an officially recognized nominee) the winner and award it to him in his absence.
Algore getting that prize merely proves that the judges were “Knighting” one of their own.
2007
The prize goes to:
INTERGOVERNMENTAL PANEL ON CLIMATE CHANGE (IPCC) and ALBERT ARNOLD ( AL) GORE JR. for their efforts to build up and disseminate greater knowledge about man-made climate change, and to lay the foundations for the measures that are needed to counteract such change
Now down Texas way, that’s referred to as Bullfeathers.
Algore getting that award is like me getting an Academy Award as “Best Actor” in a film that I not only wasn’t in but which, in fact, was never filmed.
But to their credit Sweden is a model of Socialism so they were just running true to form.
Heirborn Ranger
16 gafisher // Apr 25, 2008 at 11:31 am
Maggie Re#12: “… the NYT â€gray lady†would soon be read.”
Old-media newspapers, with the Old Grey Lady in vanguard, have ruined the traditional answer to the riddle “What’s black and white and re(a)d all over?” Now we’ll all have to switch to “An all-Nun surgical team” or “Penguins that get too close to Algore’s helicopter.”
17 gafisher // Apr 25, 2008 at 11:39 am
The
bailoutstimulus plan sounds suspiciously similar to J. Sidney McC’s “You can’t beat ‘em unless you join ‘em” philosophy on such matters as man-made global warming. Here’s news for our “moderate, across the aisle” types — the merge is not working.18 Ms RightWing, Ink // Apr 25, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Well, with those proposals we might just as well wish the Gray Lady bon farewell.
Or it can just become a shopper they put in your mailbox on junk mail day
Adieus fish wrap, Adios, ciao, sayonara and auf Wiedersehen adieu.
How is that for $3 words
19 camojack // Apr 25, 2008 at 3:19 pm
“New York Times Executive Editor Bill Keller stands poised to clear 100 reporters and editors from the newsroom due to falling advertising revenue…”
I hope the old harridan goes down in flames!
20 mindknumbed kid // Apr 25, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Maybe they could just rename the old girl and fool people into resubscribing….. sort of like liberals who are now called progressives. And their candidates sorta have the same idea going in their bids for BIP ( that’s Big Important Person, it seems as though since they no longer pretend to support the military they chose not to be referred to as CIC) they know that big gov socialism has been repeatedly rejected by the voters, but instead of changing they choose the “let’s see if we can fool ‘em this time” approach. After all, research has shown that you can fool some of the people (so-called moderates) most of the time.
21 Hawkeye // Apr 25, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Good stuff Scott! If only it were true… sigh!
mediators pianist — for those times when negotiations could use a musical interlude.
22 Hawkeye // Apr 25, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Libby Gone,
Can you send me an e-mail with your current e-mail address? I wanted to wish you a Happy B-day and I think I’ve still got the old one.
23 mindknumbed kid // Apr 25, 2008 at 5:05 pm
24 mindknumbed kid // Apr 25, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Now if I can just remember it tomorrow
25 Maggie // Apr 25, 2008 at 5:17 pm
gafisher…re #15….funny!
:>) () (<:
26 MajorDomo // Apr 25, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Hey, Bober, maybe if we just drilled for some of our plentiful oil and built a couple fo modern refineries…… ah, guess not, eh? Better to just keep blaming “big oil”. It’s easier.
27 mindknumbed kid // Apr 25, 2008 at 5:50 pm
My wife’s dog is very lethargic, therefore my “stimulus” check is going to him, not to evil Big Oil
! I’ll spend my own hard earned money to line Big Oil’s gold-lined coffers.
28 mindknumbed kid // Apr 25, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Take two: Big Oil
29 Darthmeister // Apr 25, 2008 at 6:29 pm
The only “journalistic stimulus” that’s going to work in the long run is to taser every freakin’ journalist when he/she tries to sneak another biased piece of trash past the American people under the guise of it being objective news. Maybe the Pavlovian principle might achieve what journalists’ own conscience can’t.
30 EXT // Apr 25, 2008 at 7:48 pm
If the goal were to attain public trust they should KEEP the reporters and lay off at least 100 “creative writers”.
Problem is they have no reporters to keep; they all got replaced with those creative folks years ago.
Let’s hope conventional newspapers never totally disappear! Washing my windshield with paper towels leaves lint…NYT gets it squeaky clean.
31 RedPepper // Apr 25, 2008 at 8:17 pm
It is time - indeed, it is way past time - for John McCain to face reality and abandon his hopeless quest for the nomination of the MSM for President of the United States. Although he was once their overwhelming favorite, it has become obvious that he no longer enjoys their support. He needs to acknowlege that the central premise of his campain - the priceless value of “experience†- was fatally flawed from the start. Senator McCain should cease his increasingly embarrassing attempts to pander to his former supporters and withdraw from the race. We honor John McCain’s service in this nation’s uniform, but a candidate for President cannot expect to prevail on the basis of events that are now more than forty years old. What’s he done for us lately?
It is mathematically impossible at this point for Senator McCain to garner the number of pledged delegates to overcome Barack Obama’s lead. Although he still enjoys support in some quarters, all McCain can accomplish now is to prevent the party from unifying behind Obama before the November general election. While it is certainly true that Barack’s failure to “close the deal†is troubling, McCain’s attacks on him increasingly sound like the embittered ravings of a typical white man who has lost touch with reality. Enough is enough.
32 prettyold // Apr 25, 2008 at 8:41 pm
“the embittered ravings of a typical white man”
RedPepper,shouldn’t that be a typical old white man?
33 JamesonLewis3rd // Apr 25, 2008 at 8:42 pm
While I sit, transfixed by another exciting episode of Batman (and anxiously awaiting the arrival of The Green Hornet), I am reminded of a question I’ve asked myself more than once:
Who decides what’s “fit” in their masthead boast, “All the news that’s fit to print” ?
Even as a young man I wondered how this differed from censorship and what this said about the character of the publication [as it pertains to journalistic integrity--journalism as art].
I concluded that it was elitist and, therefor, I have never spent a dime on it or even perused it.
[Full Disclosure: I do their Sunday Crossword]
Thank you
34 prettyold // Apr 25, 2008 at 8:43 pm
Hey, Black and White and Red all over could fit Barack Hussein Obama, too.
35 RedPepper // Apr 25, 2008 at 8:48 pm
prettyold #32: Good point. After all, he is on Social Security !
Also, it should read “campaignâ€, not “campainâ€.
Freudian slip …
36 prettyold // Apr 25, 2008 at 9:13 pm
I liked the “campainâ€. I thought you did it on purpose . We all have felt the pain of this years campaining .
There doesn’t seem to be any mention of G** in this election ,unless you count Wright’s diatribe.
37 mindknumbed kid // Apr 25, 2008 at 9:48 pm
C’mon prettyold, G** is out this is 2008 America, WE can handle it ALL ourselves…..
38 Fred Sinclair // Apr 25, 2008 at 11:29 pm
JL3rd #33 - the only thing worse than someone working the NYT’s crossword (especially the one on Sunday) is someone who does so in public at a lunch counter with a pen, instead of a pencil.
In my younger days, (a little game I played) I would work the puzzle at home (with pencil) and then go to Steak and Shake with a new copy of the Times and rework it with a ballpoint! (Just to tick people off).
Heirborn Ranger
39 Fred Sinclair // Apr 25, 2008 at 11:37 pm
“Nancy Pelosi’s lost Biblical verse - What an article by Michelle! The sky is falling, the sky is falling! the sky is falling! - signed, Chicken Little -
On Earth Day, Nancy Pelosi quoted the Bible: “The Bible tells us in the Old Testament, ‘To minister to the needs of God’s creation is an act of worship. To ignore those needs is to dishonor the God who made us.’ On this Earth Day, and every day, let us honor the earth and our future generations with a commitment to fight climate change.â€
A pastor friend of mine from many years ago would quickly refer her quote to Hezekiah 33:37,38. Anytime someone has an agenda to promote, they always quote from the book of Hezekiah since about 80% of the listeners have no idea that Hezekiah did not write any book but most all of the 80% are too lazy or don’t care enough to check it out and learn that no such book exists.
So anything they think ought to be in the Bible but God forgot or overlooked, they make it up from whole cloth and cite the book of Hezekiah. His favorite joke or prank was to Quote: “Whosover tooteth not his own horn, the same shall not be tooted. Hezekiah 7:4″ Then he would note how many in the congregation would start searching in their Bibles to locate his “quote”. -
Heirborn Ranger
40 MajorDomo // Apr 26, 2008 at 3:30 pm
MKK: Take two: Big Oil
As many as it takes.
41 NY Times in Crisis, Bush Offers Journalistic Stimulus Plan : Gathering of Eagles: NY // Apr 29, 2008 at 9:02 am
[...] Intrigued? Read the whole thing here! [...]
You must log in to post a comment.