(2008-04-22) — Democrats in rural Pennsylvania, still bitter about the state of the economy, will receive helpful voters’ guides today, published by Obama for America, with tips on how to cast a primary ballot while clinging to a Bible, a gun or both.
“We don’t want anything to stand in the way of your desire to vote for change,” according to the pamphlet distributed at polling places by Obama volunteers. “With a little planning and flexibility you can cling to your firearm and the Word of God, and still operate a touchscreen voting machine.”
Here’s an excerpt from the tract entitled Barack Obama’s Ballot Primer for Bitter Voters:
Rifle or Shotgun Voting Position
Tuck the Bible under your right arm. Use your right hand to grip the stock of your shootin’ iron just behind the trigger guard. If you have difficulty supporting the weight of the weapon, rest the upward-pointing barrel on the top edge of the voting machine. This leaves your left hand free for voting, while keeping your trigger finger ready to harvest any wild game that might appear.Concealed Handgun Voting Position
Slip your dominant hand up under your loose-fitting outer garment, insert the thumb between your body and the grip of your concealed pistol and rest the heel of your hand on the backstrap. Balance the Bible on your head, and vote with your weak side hand.Muzzle-Loader Position
Let’s face it, you’re going to need two hands free in case you need to reload. So, hold the weapon in the standard rifle-voting position, but grip the Bible between your knees.
57 responses so far ↓
1 gafisher // Apr 22, 2008 at 2:13 am
Fred Re#4: "… if Iran attacked Israel …" it's likely such a letter would be returned "Return to Sender, Address Unknown."
2 JamesonLewis3rd // Apr 22, 2008 at 5:15 am
God Bless America
3 JamesonLewis3rd // Apr 22, 2008 at 5:33 am
Stereotypes stereotyping stereotypes.
Weird.
BO and his ilk demonstrate an incredibly well-honed capacity for intellectual laziness, in my opinion. “[H]is ilk” consists of those who would accept, and spew as fact, prevailing negative mythology rather than put in any effort whatsoever to establish its veracity.
Sounds a bit like the definition of prejudice and bigotry to me.
4 camojack // Apr 22, 2008 at 5:37 am
Actually, believe it or not, I was planning to leave my guns and Bibles at “La Casa de Camo” (my rambling estate) when I headed for the polling place.
Anyway, as a registered (®) Republican, I can’t vote for the nut with boobs or the boob with nuts today anyhow…
5 Fred Sinclair // Apr 22, 2008 at 5:59 am
I became a Christian back in 1956 in Spokane. Wash. (Fairchild AFB) bwo the ministry of “The Navigators” We are often referred to as “Those Bible toting, Bible quoting, navigating Navigators” using our Bibles (solely) to navigate our way through this life.
Since the Word of God is referred to as sharper than a two edged sword, will Mr. Barack Hussein Mohammed Obama require that I show a “Concealed Carry Permit” if I carry my weapon of choice (aka - The Bible) into the voting booth when I vote for McCain, come November?
___________________________
Blue is the opposite of Orange
Yellow is the opposite of Purple
Red is the opposite of Green
Black is the opposite of White
While the Democrats, liberals, Socialists and Communists are trying for more control of peoples lives with their “Greening of America” I am mothballing all my t-shirts except the bright red pocket t’s until Uncle Al (aka - Algore) is safely behind bars, and incandescent light bulbs make their way back into the stores.
___________________________
And then the latest from Hillbilly Inc. “If an attack is launched against Israel, by Iran, then as President; we’d just obliterate them.” - Go Hilly, go!
As a satirical aside, if Iran attacked Israel, Mr. Barack Hussein Mohammed Obama would probably get together with Wright and send Iran a joint letter of commendation.
Heirborn Ranger
6 gafisher // Apr 22, 2008 at 6:00 am
Uh-oh — looks like another plagiarism charge muddying up the shark tank. Lawyers representing Nobel nominee Dr. Usama B. Laden have charged that the new voting guide blatantly violates their client’s copyright and intellectual property. “All this American upstart has done is to paste the word ‘Bible’ wherever the word ‘Koran’ appears, and change one letter wherever the author is named.”
Denials from Obama’s publisher were immediately countered by the presentation of a receipt showing the Senator’s office had ordered thousands of copies of Dr. Osama’s booklet. Further confusing the issue is the fact that both authors utilized the services of “Vanity Press,” a self-publishing company located in Omaha.
7 gafisher // Apr 22, 2008 at 6:51 am
Ms. RightWing, Ink, it appears my birthday greeting didn’t make it through the ScrappleGrinder so, two days late and ten dollars short, please accept my sincere best wishes on your recent natal anniversary. May you enjoy many more, each one better than the one before.
8 JamesonLewis3rd // Apr 22, 2008 at 7:10 am
In keeping with today’s raucous international street party celebrating the Creation of Earth by Almighty God Day, I would like to say, Thank You, Lord.
9 Hawkeye // Apr 22, 2008 at 7:18 am
This guy might have a problem in the voting booth…
10 boberinyetagain // Apr 22, 2008 at 7:28 am
Very good Mr. Ott!
Camo…”I can’t vote for the nut with boobs or the boob with nuts today anyhow… ”
now that’s funny, I gotta get out more as I had not heard that one before but it sure fits.
Us “independents” don’t get to vote either which is wayyy wrong!
summer my…butt
11 Ms RightWing, Ink // Apr 22, 2008 at 7:58 am
Thanks gafisher!
Today is earth day. Celebrate by shooting a whale, eating bald eagle under glass and emit lots of gas (urp).
Make sure we have more room for humans by eliminating animals that just become road kill anyhow.
Kermit the legless says ouch.
But those frog legs were good. Tasted like chicken
Now back to our regularly scheduled gun toatin’ Pennsylvanians.
12 boberinyetagain // Apr 22, 2008 at 8:42 am
Hawkeye, does Camo know you took his picture?
would brunini…a fine question, one we may never know the answer to
13 Just Ranting // Apr 22, 2008 at 8:44 am
As a PA Republican and a fan of Rush I was sorely tempted to participate in “Operation Chaos”. But the very thought of voting for a Clinton makes my skin crawl. I’m afraid I would just have to walk away from the voting booth without casting a ballot at all.
wv: Berets bert…ah, those wacky Fenchmen.
14 Just Ranting // Apr 22, 2008 at 8:47 am
Make that Frenchmen…sheesh.
15 Fred Sinclair // Apr 22, 2008 at 8:54 am
push!
16 boberinyetagain // Apr 22, 2008 at 9:13 am
I’m sure that El Rushbo would never suggest any course of action that would serve to mock our cherished right to vote and choose a candidate that suits us. He’s far too virtous to say such a thing, even in jest.
I guess Obamalama scares him? Is that the deal?
17 camojack // Apr 22, 2008 at 9:15 am
boberinyetagain // Apr 22, 2008 at 8:42 am
Hawkeye, does Camo know you took his picture?
There were a number of photos taken at the ScrappleFace get-together…
wv: first stunt…may be your last, if you’re not careful.
18 boberinyetagain // Apr 22, 2008 at 9:26 am
Now I’m really sorry I missed it!
That’s a good one for you. That should be in your bio on your website.
nursing union…now them’s folks you don’t want angry at you!
19 Fred Sinclair // Apr 22, 2008 at 9:31 am
From the end of prior thread:
According to DRUDGE today, Uncle Al (aka - Algore) is seeking the 1.2 Trillion Dollar “Carbon Taxâ€.
I checked to find out just how much money that is, staggering to say the least. One Attache Case can hold one million dollars (in $100.00 bills), one full sized Semi-Truck can hold 1,000 such attache cases (= one Billion Dollars) The Mega - HHH #26, Iowa 80 Truck Stop (Des Moines,Iowa) can hold 1,000 such trucks. One Thousand, Million (= Billion Dollars), One Thousand Billion (= One Trillion Dollars) Or 1,200 of those Billion Dollar Semi’s
Unless his hoax is stopped; and he is tried, convicted and imprisoned for the fraudulent sale of his phony Carbon Footprint credits, he’s poised to become the worlds first Trillionaire.
Worldwide, with other scam artists in other countries a quadrillion (a thousand raised to the power of five) - (10 to the 15th power) could be involved - something has to give.
Today’s supposed to be earth day and I’m sure that all those “Help make America reen” idiots are worshipping at the shrines of Karl Marx, Friedrich Engels and Vladimir Ilyich Lenin as only a Leftist nutcase Socialist could have dreamed up “Earth Day”. I love them any cause the Bible says to do so, but I can hate everything they say and everything they do. Love the sinner and hate the sin.
Heirborn Ranger
20 boberinyetagain // Apr 22, 2008 at 10:04 am
Fred, it seems that you should be cheering the “carbon credit” scam. It’s a way for creative folks to charge each other for an imaginary thing, almost the American dream these days. Those credits will do nothing whatever to reduce the gasses you seem to love so but they will make a bunch of folks rich for doing nothing whatever while appearing virtuous. I thought the Republicans in particular were in love with those sorts of ideas.
bromley justice…about the fairest justice of all
21 Libby Gone // Apr 22, 2008 at 10:49 am
Celebrating Earth Day here in Mitch Chee Gun. Got the Bar-B-Que on full, Running last years gas out of the lawn tractor idling in the driveway, chainsawing some scrub trees down,
threw those dim energy saving bulbs out with the garbage destined for the landfill, along with some asbestos and old paint. Earth day is good for something, spring cleaning!
22 boberinyetagain // Apr 22, 2008 at 11:33 am
Libby, sounds like you’re doing what you can, that’s all anyone can ask. To each within his ability…
flat canceling…a new option on Lexus’s? Sign me up
23 gafisher // Apr 22, 2008 at 11:49 am
The headlines today include stories about citizens being frightened by a formation of strange lights seen overhead. Here’s a photo — one of the scariest I’ve ever seen!
24 boberinyetagain // Apr 22, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Frightening indeed!
25 gafisher // Apr 22, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Unlike Fox Mulder, Bober, I didn’t particularly want to believe in those alien invasion stories, but if that photo isn’t proof, well …
26 kurtlee // Apr 22, 2008 at 12:38 pm
i came in here just to thank camojack for the coffee all over my desk, shirt, keyboard and everything else while i was reading his comment.
boobs and nuts, indeed.
Scott is a genius, but it is catching…
27 da Bunny // Apr 22, 2008 at 12:38 pm
“Barack Obama’s Ballot Primer for Bitter Voters”
It addresses the gun-and-Bible-toting options, but what about the mental baggage of antipathy toward those who are different that some will be toting, as well?
28 da Bunny // Apr 22, 2008 at 12:43 pm
kurtlee #28…camojack truly IS a genius. And, his comment at #3 is not only hysterically funny, but accurate, as well.
29 boberinyetagain // Apr 22, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Ga, it is compelling proof, I’m believing!
30 Drive Time Happy Hour » 4-22-08 // Apr 22, 2008 at 1:15 pm
[...] Obama Gives Tips on Armed, Bible-Toting Voting [...]
31 Maggie // Apr 22, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Ms Righty….re#11
I ate a chicken leg that tasted like frog.
32 woodnwheel // Apr 22, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Once again it’s good to log on to ScrappleFace not only for biting satire from Scott, but for hilarious comments from my friends camo, gafisher, etc.
oriented Gov — I so want to make a joke about Schwarzenegger and/or Jim McGreevy(sp?) but either I can’t think of one or I don’t have the heart (it’s still up for debate which of the two is the case)
33 boberinyetagain // Apr 22, 2008 at 1:57 pm
wood, this piece is satire? You aren’t from PA are you? We really are bitter
mrs tunity?…i guess you can harldy miss mrs tunity
34 Fred Sinclair // Apr 22, 2008 at 2:17 pm
woodnwheel #32 From About.com these are only a small sampling there’s dozens of them.
Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman
“In a speech this week, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said America needs to work together to conserve oil. Then Arnold lit a cigar and drove over the crowd in his hummer.” -Conan O’Brien
“As Schwarzenegger found out, the trouble with getting voted in as a joke, sooner or later, the joke gets old.” -”Daily Show” commentator Lewis Black
“There’s now talk that either Warren Beatty or Rob Reiner will run against Arnold Schwarzenegger for governor. That gives Californians a real choice: Romantic lead, sitcom star or action hero.” -Jay Leno
“Arnold Schwarzenegger’s approval rating is down to 30%. After he heard this, Arnold said ‘I’m not going to act all upset and hurt because I don’t have that kind of range.’” -Conan O’Brien
“It’s been reported today that Democrats in California are trying to find a candidate to run against Arnold Schwarzenegger. Unfortunately, the only candidate who’s as qualified as Schwarzenegger is Vin Diesel” -Conan O’Brien
___________________________
Jim McGreevey Jokes
“Since he announced last week that he’s gay, outgoing New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey’s approval ratings actually went up two points. It went from 43 to 45 percent. Which means, at that rate, he’s only got to announce he’s gay 27 and a half more times.” —Jimmy Kimmel
“Our nation’s governor’s are rising to the occasion to send supplies to Florida. There was a terrible hurricane down there. Schwarzenegger is sending water and Pataki is sending food. McGreevey is sending throw pillows.” —Craig Kilborn
“Apparently he was having an affair with a homosexual Israeli poet, who he appointed the state’s homeland security adviser. Which partially explains why New Jersey’s terror alert colors were parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.” —Bill Maher
“The FBI is now investigating whether there was a possible Israeli spy at the Pentagon. It is very serious. The FBI said Israel hasn’t penetrated this far into our government since Governor McGreevey had an affair with an Israeli man.” —Jay Leno
Heirborn Ranger
35 upnorthlurkin // Apr 22, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Off topic as usual, but I found it particularly hillaryous (yes, I misspelled on purpose) on this Earth Day in what must certainly be Earth Week, that 2 (count ‘em, two) global (farce)warming events up in Canada were inconvenienced by record snow and/or a blizzard!! These stories are both from Drudge….one was in Edmonton (I think that’s Alberta) and the other from Vancouver. My sides are splitting from laughter. I took a cue from you, Libby, and ran our two snowblowers out of gas so as to get them “ready” for summer! Just doin’ my part….
36 gafisher // Apr 22, 2008 at 3:26 pm
upnorthlurkin Re#35: This Urth Dei is also remarkable for the revelation — by an Algorian, no less — of the rather inconvenient truth that an Oscar-winning “documentary” made significant use of visual plagiarism from a celebrated fantasy film.
37 gafisher // Apr 22, 2008 at 3:39 pm
It’s been reported that Bill Ayers has cleared up questions regarding his support for the (very) Junior Senator from Illinois, blaming it on a misunderstanding stemming from persistent tinnitus incurred during graduate work leading to his University of Illinois Professorship.
According to the brief statement, Ayers explained “I thought they said ‘Barack Hussein, a bomber’.”
38 Libby Gone // Apr 22, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Funny,
Watching the “light come on” at the sudden conceptualization by my son asking if the number on my “Gallons Used” indicator multiplied by gas at 3.45 a gallon………
39 Libby Gone // Apr 22, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Granted I used buy gas ,grudgingly, at a mere 2.99 a gallon. Ah the good ole days!
wv:boosted Boris: thats an easy one for me, Frankenstein and Karloffs fame!
40 JamesonLewis3rd // Apr 22, 2008 at 5:08 pm
To celebrate Almighty God’s Creation Day, I took my beloved 2001 Dodge RAM 1500 V-8 Magnum 5-speed quad-cab in for a Repair & Refinish of everything (but the bed) due to damage incurred during the recent (cue-ball-sized) hail storm.
I also fasted from being annoyed by insurance payments (that are only paid by God’s Benevolence and the Holy Spirit’s Strength and Guidance) until sunset (GMT).
[end Pickup Update]
Thank you
41 JamesonLewis3rd // Apr 22, 2008 at 6:03 pm
If BO were any kind of man, he would bow out of the race.
42 mindknumbed kid // Apr 22, 2008 at 6:23 pm
Maybe BO should try Right Guardâ„¢ …..
43 RedPepper // Apr 22, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Fox News has just declared HRC the winner of the Pennsylvania primary.
However, it will take the rest of the night (at least!) before we know the % breakdown …
… and there have already been scattered reports of voting machine malfunctions.
We Demand A Recount !
44 camojack // Apr 22, 2008 at 7:54 pm
kurtlee // Apr 22, 2008 at 12:38 pm
i came in here just to thank camojack for the coffee all over my desk, shirt, keyboard and everything else while i was reading his comment.
boobs and nuts, indeed.
Scott is a genius, but it is catching…
Sorry ’bout that.
da Bunny // Apr 22, 2008 at 12:43 pm
kurtlee #28…camojack truly IS a genius. And, his comment at #3 is not only hysterically funny, but accurate, as well.
Shhh!!! Don’t let that get around.
woodnwheel // Apr 22, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Once again it’s good to log on to ScrappleFace not only for biting satire from Scott, but for hilarious comments from my friends camo, gafisher, etc.
Glad you liked it…but I heard that bit from a co-worker and paraphrased.
45 Ms RightWing, Ink // Apr 22, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Ahh, my computer has been attacked by hordes of roving smiley feces, er faces
46 gafisher // Apr 22, 2008 at 9:12 pm
woodnwheel Re#32: the strings are silent ’til the master draws the bow. But Camo’s notes are among the best.
Well, we celebrated Vladimir Ilich Ulyanov’s (Lenin, born 1870) Birthday today in grand bourgeois style. I filled the gas tank on the car just in time to miss the price increase (now within spittin’ distance of four bucks a gallon here in Michigan), and while I was at it bought some fuel for the lawnmower. While mowing the lawn I ran the snowblower to clear out when I couldn’t siphon from its tank.
When my oldest daughter and youngest son got home from school (she from the University here and he from the High School where he’s at the top of his senior class) we sat down for a game of MST3K. We’d checked out both copies of “The Day After Tomorrow” owned by the local library yesterday, just to keep them out of the wrong hands; late this afternoon we spent a pleasant couple of hours pumping up the dialog in a manner reminiscent of Joel and the ‘bots. From the initial suspiciously convenient crack in the ice shelf to the President’s soberly pointless and pointlessly sober heartrending apology to all and sundry, it was a great time.
Then my wife and another daughter joined us for burgers on the wide-open grill, followed by a rousing campfire. We’re ready, Algore — bring it on!
47 Fred Sinclair // Apr 22, 2008 at 9:22 pm
For those not yet familiar with Uncle Jay he’s a very conservative source of laughter… give him a look-see at:
uncle jay@unclejay.com
very good.
Heirborn Ranger
48 Fred Sinclair // Apr 22, 2008 at 9:28 pm
I see that all didn’t come through - cut and paste to dogpile for the links.
unclejay@unclejay.com
Heirborn Ranger
49 RedPepper // Apr 22, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Still awaiting definitive numbers, but I’m hearing that Hillary ran up >75% totals in some rural areas.
And, she has already delivered her victory speech.
Still waiting to hear the traditional gracious concession from El-Bomb-o .
50 Obama Pamphlet Gives Tips on Armed Voting // Apr 22, 2008 at 9:52 pm
[...] admin wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerpt(2008-04-22) — Democrats in rural Pennsylvania, still bitter about the state of the economy, will receive helpful voters’ guides today, published by Obama for America, with tips on how to cast a primary ballot while clinging to a Bible, … [...]
51 camojack // Apr 23, 2008 at 2:40 am
gafisher // Apr 22, 2008 at 9:12 pm
woodnwheel Re#32: the strings are silent ’til the master draws the bow. But Camo’s notes are among the best.
Thanks; it’s nice to be ‘preciated.
Now, where did I put that blushing smiley?
Let’s try this ‘un:
[url=http://www.freesmileys.org][img]http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/ashamed001.gif[/img][/url]
52 camojack // Apr 23, 2008 at 2:44 am
Nope. How ’bout this then: :”>
53 camojack // Apr 23, 2008 at 2:45 am
I give up.
54 camojack // Apr 25, 2008 at 12:09 am
No I don’t:
55 The Latest from ScrappleFace « TMQ2 // Apr 27, 2008 at 1:39 am
[...] Obama Calls Elitist Charge ‘Gauche’ and ‘Droll’ [...]
56 Barack Obama News » Blog Archive » Obama Gives Tips on Armed, Bible-Toting Voting // Apr 28, 2008 at 2:07 am
[...] Read the rest of this great post here [...]
57 Omaha Mall Shooter Stopped by Armed Shoppers | pageonebook.com // Jul 11, 2010 at 3:01 am
[...] Obama gives Tips on Armed, Bible-Toting Voting [...]
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