(2007-03-12) — House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-CA, today warned President George Bush not to veto the Democrat-sponsored Iraq war redeployment bill, and for the first time she released the full text of the measure revealing some previously unmentioned initiatives.
Although some Congressional Republicans complained that Democrats stuffed the bill with unrelated provisions, Rep. Pelosi insisted that “all of its diverse parts share a common thread.”
In addition to the plan to pull out U.S. troops if the Iraqi government fails to meet certain benchmarks for quelling sectarian violence on a prescribed timeline, the bill also contains language that would…
Your Donation Fuels Family-Friendly Satire-Withdraw police from high-crime neighborhoods in major U.S. cities until street gangs put an end to shootings, stabbings and other criminal acts. The bill would allow police to remain in the neighborhood only if they were no longer needed.
- Change the law to require victims of violent crime to stand up to their attackers before the police will intervene to protect them.
- Require police to notify suspects in writing at least 10 days in advance of any planned stakeouts, crackdowns or drug busts.
- Eliminate unfair practices in the National Football League by requiring the coach of the favored to team to give the coach of the underdog team a copy of his playbook at least a week before the game. The measure would also require the quarterback of the favored team to announce the next play giving the opposition adequate time to reset its defense.
- Provide money for completion of a highway project to extend a spur of Interstate 94 northwest of Ann Arbor. The funding is intended to complete the paving of the road to Hell, a small town in Michigan.
53 responses so far ↓
1 Darthmeister // Mar 12, 2007 at 7:26 am
Where’s the “disarm law-abiding citizens while doing nothing to disarm the criminal” provision?
We must continue speaking truth to power.
2 Big Java // Mar 12, 2007 at 7:30 am
Well, it does seem “fair.”
3 mig // Mar 12, 2007 at 7:31 am
Those highway pavers can be purchased from Kos.
4 camojack // Mar 12, 2007 at 7:32 am
It’s the American Way…unfortunately.
5 MargeinMI // Mar 12, 2007 at 7:54 am
Carl Leven (D-MI) has been paving the road to Hell in Michigan for DECADES! Now with the added funds, and a supreme governor goddess at his back, the road’s almost complete! FYI, the base used under the asphalt is nuclear garbage from Canada.
6 MargeinMI // Mar 12, 2007 at 7:58 am
I know the Michiganders here are all old enough to remember the 70’s, when the most popular bumper sticker you saw everywhere said, “Last one out of Michigan, turn out the lights.” When Michigan is finally reformed to be Hell, it’s gonna be a lonely place, ’cause folks are fleeing the state like rats from a sinking ship. They oughta start printing those bumper stickers again.
Touched a nerve with me this morning, Scott. Can you tell? GRRRRRRRR!
7 seneuba // Mar 12, 2007 at 8:00 am
I’m not sure even this measure by Congress could help my beloved Vikings.
8 JamesonLewis3rd // Mar 12, 2007 at 8:15 am
And…..may God Bless America.
9 Darthmeister // Mar 12, 2007 at 8:21 am
What! No provision denouncing global warming which is resulting from capitalism’s hegemonic imperialism and urban sprawl?
The politically-incorrect guide to Global Warming.
10 Darthmeister // Mar 12, 2007 at 8:21 am
…Pelosi stole my post.
11 Just Ranting // Mar 12, 2007 at 8:40 am
Will the provision on the road to He11 be paved with good intentions?
12 Ms RightWing, Ink // Mar 12, 2007 at 8:52 am
Morning good all!
13 Beerme // Mar 12, 2007 at 8:55 am
Hell (MI) has frozen over, but thanks to Global Warming, it’s now thawing…
14 Zim // Mar 12, 2007 at 9:08 am
Shouldn’t the volunteer firefighters in Southern California also be redeployed to less fire prone areas, like perhaps Hell, Michigan? Shouldn’t the homeowners be responsible to protect their own multi-million dollar homes from wild fires without risking the lives and safety of any of our finest young firefighters?
15 Reverend Martin Luther King Junior // Mar 12, 2007 at 9:23 am
Shame, SHAME on you Scott.
Our glorious 110th Congress (America’s first Congress for the children) are bravely clinging to the forlorn hope that they can somehow still snatch defeat from what could only be a humilating victory in this illegal, immoral war.
And all you can do is pile on. HAVE YOU NO DECENCY???
16 gafisher // Mar 12, 2007 at 9:42 am
MargeinMI, you’ve undoubtedly heard Generous Genny’s excuse for losing the HQ of a major banking company to Texas recently — “Michigan simply lost a million citizens; it’s got nothing to do with her economic plan.”
Maybe that should have been phrased “a million Michigan citizens have been blown away by her economic plan.”
17 Darthmeister // Mar 12, 2007 at 9:45 am
Maxwell Smart: The oooool’ snatch-defeat-from-the-jaws-of-victory gambit, eh Chief?
We can’t afford to win in Iraq. If America does win it will be emboldened to attack Syria, Iran, North Korea and Canada! We must surrender in Iraq!
18 mig // Mar 12, 2007 at 9:58 am
I want to be redeployed to the life of luxury.
19 GnuCarSmell // Mar 12, 2007 at 11:21 am
Interstate Spur 94 will become affectionately known as the Handbasket Express.
Back when Michigan was depopulating and businesses were shutting down, some Michigan Democrat (I forget who) insisted that the federal government force low-tax high-growth states like Texas to impose corporate and personal income taxes. He wanted to “level the playing field” so that jobs would stop being created in the Sunbelt at the expense of Michigan — in other words, to mandate economic stagnation nationally.
20 JamesonLewis3rd // Mar 12, 2007 at 11:45 am
Edwards judging (in the Name of Jesus, no less) the most generous nation in the history of mankind for being stingy while he lolls about in his gilt 500,000± square foot edifice complete with indoor landing strip, yacht dock, football stadium and massive Fort Knox-like vault full of ill-gotten gains.
What a piece of work.
21 Rock Slatestone // Mar 12, 2007 at 11:45 am
If I would have thought about it sooner I would have asked Pelosi to make sure all US Citizens (legal or not) receive a new paved drive way. It’s our right…right?
22 Ms RightWing, Ink // Mar 12, 2007 at 12:03 pm
Will ice water be served on the Highway to Hell? I sure am glad I no longer risk my life trying to cross the Highway to the Mailbox, as was once required before I moved in the Astoria Plaza, here on the fashionable East side.
23 Hawkeye // Mar 12, 2007 at 12:15 pm
Hey Scott,
You forgot about the provision where the Police Departments of every city or town in the U.S. are supposed to “redeploy” to an area no closer than 500 miles from their jurisdiction. That way, they could still respond to emergencies within say… a day or so.
(:D) Regards
24 tomg // Mar 12, 2007 at 12:16 pm
And the Corps of Engineers will rebuild New Orleans levees after the citizens demonstrate they can rebuild and establish a crime-free city.
25 Bill's Bites // Mar 12, 2007 at 1:26 pm
2007.03.12 Surrenderpolitik update…
See previous.Do the Dems represent Moqtada al-Sadr’s best hope? Paul Mirengoff Robert Kagan argues that the surge is succeeding. According to Kagan, there is substantial evidence that the new counterinsurgency strategy, backed by the infusion of new f…
26 Darthmeister // Mar 12, 2007 at 1:28 pm
Following in the footsteps of the Navajo “codetalkers”:
An elite group of Native American trackers is joining the hunt for terrorists crossing Afghanistan’s borders. The unit, the Shadow Wolves, was recruited from several tribes, including the Navajo, Sioux, Lakota and Apache. It is being sent to Tajikistan and Uzbekistan to pass on ancestral sign-reading skills to local border units.
In recent years, members of the Shadow Wolves have mainly tracked smugglers along the US border with Mexico.
… US Defence Secretary Robert M.Gates said last month: “If I were Osama bin Laden, I’d keep looking over my shoulder.”
The Pentagon has been alarmed at the ease with which Taliban and al-Qa’ida fighters have been slipping in and out of Afghanistan. Defence officials are convinced their movements can be curtailed by the Shadow Wolves.
I wondered when the Defense Department would get around to using this fantastic asset. Given how in the past the white eyes in the federal government have rarely cherished Native American culture for its commitment to honor, bravery and its other warrior tradition, its rather remarkable the Pentagon can find Native Americans willing to help against the forces of darkness. Maybe these Ameri-Indians have a far better understanding of what is at stake in America’s war on terrorism than your typical liberal Dhimmiecrat.
When I was a young buck, my dad told me my grandmother was half Cherokee. She never would speak of that blood which coursed through her veins since she was thoroughly committed to being a post-Bellum southern belle wife to my German grandfather who was a Texas Railroad Superintendent back in the early 1900s. When I was around four or five years old I have vague memories of her muttering to herself (she was going senile in her mid 60s) in a language I didn’t understand and it wasn’t German.
27 JamesonLewis3rd // Mar 12, 2007 at 2:17 pm
“It is simply not consistent for anyone to demand aggressive action against the threat that is posed by the Iranian regime while at the same time acquiescing in a retreat from Iraq,” Cheney said to mild applause.
Who can argue with that? (Rhetorical question, since we all know)
28 upnorthlurkin // Mar 12, 2007 at 2:28 pm
Ms. RightWing, how are you?! Ready to start baking yet?! (I have pecans boxed and ready to mail….!)
29 Darthmeister // Mar 12, 2007 at 3:15 pm
Who can argue with that?
I-support-the-troops liberals, that’s who.
These left-wing peace-at-any-cost-niks can engage in the most seditious, demoralizing, lying diatribe against our own government and then with a straight face claim that their “dissent” proves their patriotism.
Dissent is not constitutional dissent if it’s based on the lies and half-truths which characterizes most of the left’s arguments against removing Saddam’s regime and taking on the Islamofascists abroad. Virtually every diatribe the left has erected from Bush equals Hitler to Gitmo equals Gulag to we’re stirring up the hornet’s nest is based on some form of disinformation or outright lie. That’s not dissent, that’s seditious propaganda being leveled against the American government which is trying to conduct a war against an implacable enemy.
30 Rogue100 // Mar 12, 2007 at 4:12 pm
Master of the Scrappleface Blog,
I believe you missed the demagogue angle that we shall not doubt hear soon: It’s All About The Children
31 Possumtrot // Mar 12, 2007 at 6:36 pm
If you want to travel the road to road to Hell, try punching out my granny like the “hero” in New York City.
I married a girl from Michigan, and have all too much awareness of “Hell.”
There is some fresh take on poltical candidates at United Possums International.
32 Effeminem // Mar 12, 2007 at 6:38 pm
True, I suppose that reasonable dissent would have some sort of reason behind it.
33 Jack "Over the Horizon" Murtha // Mar 12, 2007 at 6:45 pm
Mr. Darthmeistah, sah:
The most dis-tressing success of this administration’s so-called “surge” has left this Congress no alternative but to fully support our brave, psychotic troops by redeploying them to a more ’strategic’ position somewhere in the neighborhood of outer Mongolia where they can continue to fight the war on terror without actually coming into contact with any of those nasty terrorists.
It’s time this President learns to listen to caring individuals with military experience. Only from an over the horizon position can the DNC hope to prevail in 2008.
34 camojack // Mar 12, 2007 at 7:04 pm
Will the provision on the road to He11 be paved with good intentions?
Comment by Just Ranting — March 12, 2007 @ 8:40 am
Love it.
35 JamesonLewis3rd // Mar 12, 2007 at 7:43 pm
Heh. CAIR has announced that the “flying imams” will be suing US Airways for discrimination. CAIR speaks for the “flying imams”. (Notice how the AP article does not give anywhere near all of the facts concerning the incident)
If elected president, I will outlaw CAIR and the AP within the first 100 hours of my term.
36 everthink // Mar 12, 2007 at 8:02 pm
Henry, you poor sad dope,
This “Peace-at-any-cost” hyperbole goes over here, among the Kool-Aid addicts, and others no longer able to think clearly enough to remember you have used the same phrase over and over again. Peace at any cost does not characterize the view of the great majority of Democrats.
You on the other hand shout “Victory at any price” then expect somebody else to pay the bill. It is no concern to you how many young people die, or what debt this nation incurs, so long as no one in your family must lay down his life for the great neo-con lie, or your taxes aren’t raised to pay for it.
Bring’em on!
ET
37 Darthmeister // Mar 12, 2007 at 10:05 pm
Better than defeat at any cost, Bravo 39. Like a bad case of cancer I see that you’re back. You’re certainly a modest person with much to be modest about.
Trotting out your pedigree again in a backhanded sort of way, eh Bravo 39? Don’t forget, Benedict Arnold was an American hero who served in the Revolutionary Army before he betrayed his band of brothers. Always remember, it’s not what you once were but rather what you’ve become … and when it comes to the war on Islamists you smell like a dead skunk in the middle of the road stinkin’ to high heaven.
You just can’t wait until our troops are defeated in Iraq, can you? What a political hack. Is your political position such that it forces you to secretly cheerlead against your own band of brothers? Pretty pathetic when your position on an issue demands the defeat of your own country in a noble cause. Despite your predicatable denials that’s precisely what you’re doing if your hate-Bush/blame-America pathology is any indication of the darkness which exists in your own soul.
38 Ex-Columbus resident // Mar 13, 2007 at 6:28 am
Wait a minute. I used to live in Hell, and trust me, it’s nowhere near Ann Arbor.
39 JamesonLewis3rd // Mar 13, 2007 at 6:50 am
Oh, by the way:
In the off-chance I am not elected in 2008, I hereby announce my candidacy for president in the 2012 election and, if I don’t win that one, I hereby announce my candidacy in the 2016 election and, if…..well, you get it…..
40 Shelly // Mar 13, 2007 at 7:07 am
Apparently ET thinks the prospect of thousands, if not millions, of dead Iraqis after we pull out is a good thing. He’s not only hoping for an American defeat but an Iraqi one as well. The only side he is rooting for is the terrorists and those states that support them, like Iran. And he thinks those of us not rooting for evil are the Kool-Aid drinkers? What must he be consuming?
41 Shelly // Mar 13, 2007 at 7:14 am
Post?
42 Shelly // Mar 13, 2007 at 7:20 am
This is in addition to a previous post that won’t actually post yet, so here’s hoping it does. Littlegreenfootballs has a picture of an American hero with two beautiful little Iraqi girls that ET is happily willing to sacrifice to satisfy his Bush hatred. I should also add that he is also willing to happily sacrifice the entire nation of Israel, all men, women and children who live there - both Jewish and Palestinian - in his support for Al Quaeda.
43 Ms RightWing, Ink // Mar 13, 2007 at 7:33 am
Ah, global warming coming soon to a city near you. The weather dude said it may hit 70 degrees today. Off with the sub-artic clothing.
Ah, as happy feet start dancing here in the dirty ol’ factory town, we get an earthquake. Only a 3.7 ( not even noticed in California ), but it gives bored people something to talk about.
44 Ms RightWing, Ink // Mar 13, 2007 at 7:34 am
…and as always the morning is good. Enjoy! and spread a little of that good morning around.
45 JamesonLewis3rd // Mar 13, 2007 at 7:37 am
This morning, Captain Ed encapsulates the result of the Democrat-proposed surrender to the Islamofascists in two sentences:
“If Iraq collapses and starts a regional war between Sunnis and Shi’ites, oil shipments will likely stop and millions of people in Southwest Asia could get killed. Egypt and Saudi Arabia have already stated that they will likely enter Iraq to protect the Sunnis if we withdraw, which would bring Iran in to protect the Shi’ites, with Syria joining as Iran’s military ally.”
What would logically follow is a giant flushing sound as the global economy goes inexorably down the toilet. Civilization as we know it might very well cease and we might find ourselves not only without transportation but without jobs, without schools, without food, without medical care, without police protection, without communication, without heating/cooling, without this, without that, without the other-the list goes on- and (worst of all) without these machines we are now reading.
And, if I might add, all this talk about corn squeezin’s being the salvation of our energy crisis is just so much hype-along the lines of “global warming”.
46 Darthmeister // Mar 13, 2007 at 8:23 am
Shelly, neverthink can only defend himself on technical grounds. He never explicitly sides with Islamofascists or comes right out and says he wants to see America and coalition forces lose in Iraq and therefore lose the greater war against terrorism. Rather he and others of his ilk have grown adept at insidiously undermining the will and resolve of the American people by trashing the President of the United States during a time of war, mocking and denigrating the noble mission in Iraq, by expressing faux concern over his band of brothers who themselves believe they are fighting for a just cause that he in turn spits upon, and then engages in lying propaganda himself so he can rant about how Bush supposedly “misled” the American people into a war that should have never been fought despite all evidences to the contrary.
I would respect him more if he would simply come straight out and say America is engaged in nothing less than imperialism, that Bush is a dictator no different from Stalin and Hitler, and that American soldiers are little more than stupid pawns blindly following unlawful orders in an immoral war - just like Nazi soldiers did under Hitler. But then he’d be admitting he was nothing less than a hate-America moonbat which is something he’s been strenuously denying all along. So he has to engage in mind-numbing euphemisms and rhetorical nuances to shield his own mind from the fact (a fact which is very apparent to us) that he is slowly betraying his own country and undermining his band of brothers with his hateful venom.
And if we do lose this war on terrorism beginning with a premature redeployment from Iraq, neverthink can be smugly satisfied that he had done his part in bringing America low before its enemies - apparently something to be very proud about in neverthinks bizarro world.
47 mig // Mar 13, 2007 at 8:59 am
If Americans were imperialsists, we would have taken over the world after WWII when Europe was in shambles.
I know that is an over simplified statement, but the ‘essence’ is there. And I get my definition of essence from AlChore. After all he is the one that invented the internet.
48 Darthmeister // Mar 13, 2007 at 9:00 am
The following lends credence to our concerns that the CIA has been conducting a disinformation war against the Executive Branch given the last three years of leaks to the liberal media concerning certain aspects of the war on terrorism. In most cases those leaks turn out to be very clever pieces of disinformation, disinformation that left-wing moonbats gleefully glom onto to perpetuate their anti-Bush/blame-America anti-war screeds.
There is also good reason to believe the CIA has bolstered the left-wing shadow government that is within the State and Defense Departments since many of those working within the CIA are liberals. Now if all this is true, and I have no reason to believe otherwise given what we’ve witnessed regarding certain leaks, this means the liberal anti-war movement is little more than a tool of not only the liberal media but also a very liberal CIA which is trying to bring down the Bush Administration. LIBERALS ARE CIA TOOLS! Buwahahahahaha! From the WeeklyStandard online:
Great news for unemployed, pothead liberal law students: The CIA is hiring, and you’re the target demographic! We refer you to the website of the CIA’s Office of General Counsel (https://www.cia.gov/ogc) where you will find featured an excerpt from the book America’s Greatest Places to Work With a Law Degree.The book, in turn, describes the following testimonials as coming “from lawyers in the [Office of General Counsel].”
There are many, many misconceptions people have about working for the CIA. Actually, people are surprised when they hear that the CIA has a General Counsel’s Office at all! . . . Another misconception is that the CIA is extraordinarily conservative. That’s totally not the case. I’d say that most people here would consider themselves very liberal. . . .
49 Darthmeister // Mar 13, 2007 at 9:07 am
NEWSFLASH
Scientists who questioned mankind’s impact on climate change have received death threats and claim to have been shunned by the scientific community.
They say the debate on global warming has been “hijacked” by a powerful alliance of politicians, scientists and environmentalists who have stifled all questioning about the true environmental impact of carbon dioxide emissions.
Timothy Ball, a former climatology professor at the University of Winnipeg in Canada, has received five deaths threats by email since raising concerns about the degree to which man was affecting climate change.
One of the emails warned that, if he continued to speak out, he would not live to see further global warming.
“Western governments have pumped billions of dollars into careers and institutes and they feel threatened,” said the professor. “I can tolerate being called a sceptic because all scientists should be sceptics, but then they started calling us deniers, with all the connotations of the Holocaust. That is an obscenity. It has got really nasty and personal.”
Love the planet but hate the scientists who won’t bow the knee to the false religion of Global Warmism.
50 Pros and Cons » The news I’ve been hearing from Iraq is pretty good. // Mar 13, 2007 at 9:10 pm
[...] The US is mainitaining its own tempo on the ground and not dealing with the bad actors behind the backs of our Iraqi allies, as we so often would with the South Koreans or South Vietnamese in the past, just to be seen to be “talking”. This far is better. Our options, as a nation, in the event of failure are not good, though upon inspection there are some who would seem to prefer it to victory and some who certainly would. A strategy of bloody punitive raids might make local powers reluctant to challenge us, but how to exact bloody vengeance for future terrorist attacks is a puzzle for a representative government that likes to think of itself as, and one that generally is, benevolent. Better by far to win, and, except for in the non-Iraqi media, we are. Even there, and despite oceans of ink spent on bad press, the popular mood remains remarkably pro-military, which is another nice change from Vietnam. [...]
51 everthink // Mar 13, 2007 at 10:00 pm
Henry, you twit:
It is true, I was once called Bravo39.
Say, you have a vivid imagination, and are not real big on on truth telling.
Were you ever called “Curveball”?
If you were, I expect to see you at the hearings soon, together with the usual suspects.
Speaking of usual suspects; your people may not have much of a political future left; but they may have one in television, thanks to C-SPAN and the Democrat’s version of “To Tell The Truth”.
I like this oversight thing, don’t you?
ET
52 everthink // Mar 13, 2007 at 10:16 pm
“And he thinks those of us not rooting for evil are the Kool-Aid drinkers?”
Is someone here not supporting this crooked, and stupidly incompetent Bush Administration?
No? Then Shelly, whatever can you possibly mean?
It certainly ain’t me who’s wearing the Brown Shirt!
ET
53 postpolitical » And so our war goes on… // Mar 15, 2007 at 6:14 pm
[...] And Scrappleface, via Conservative Compendium, in high sarcasm, observes that the whole idea was simply dunderheaded to begin with: –Withdraw police from high-crime neighborhoods in major U.S. cities until street gangs put an end to shootings, stabbings and other criminal acts. The bill would allow police to remain in the neighborhood only if they were no longer needed. (ConservativeCompendium) [...]
You must log in to post a comment.