(2006-08-25) — The U.S. Food and Drug Administration, which this week approved over-the-counter sales of the post-conception contraceptive known as Plan B, today said it would also consider permitting broad access to an experimental drug known as Plan C.

Plan B, which prevents a fertilized egg from implanting in the uterus, will soon be available without a prescription to people over 18. But according to the new FDA guidelines, “minor girls will still need a doctor’s order, or an adult boyfriend who can simply walk into the Wal-Mart pharmacy and buy the drug for her without a prescription.”

Plan C, a medication still in clinical trials, would not only discharge the embryo from the uterus, but would also stop the heart of the woman, and thus provide a surefire method of preventing more unwanted pregnancies.

“It’s a breakthrough drug,” said one unnamed FDA official. “It doesn’t just treat the symptoms, but really deals with the cause.”

A spokesman for the manufacturer of Plan C, tried to play down expectations until after the clinical trial results are in, calling his company’s FDA application “a modest proposal to reduce the burden on our nation caused by unwanted pregnancies.”

Pro-choice activists hailed the Plan B decision as a way to cut down on what the National Abortion Rights Action League (NARAL) calls “icky abortions, where you can see the little hands and feet and head and stuff.”

“It’s important to get rid of the baby when it’s still a little blob of protoplasm,” said an unnamed NARAL source, “that way women and girls are less troubled by irrational guilt, or recurring thoughts of what the child would have looked like, or might have been.”

In addition, the NARAL source said, Plan B will improve self-esteem by making it easier for a girl to get and keep a boyfriend, since “nothing interferes with a man’s love like the threat of responsibility.”

Post This to Your Facebook