(2005-11-04) — Faced with the lowest public approval rating of any president since Millard Fillmore, the last member of the Whig party to occupy the White House, President George Bush today announced that he has ordered his administration to “tap our strategic approval reserves.”

The president immediately faced criticism from Senators in his own party who insisted that the approval reserves should be drawn upon only during times of war or catastrophe.

The strategic approval reserves were incrementally built up following major White House triumphs including the response to the 9/11 terror attacks in 2001, the fall of Baghdad, the capture of Saddam Hussein, two elections in Iraq and the Republican defeat of former Sen. Tom Daschle in 2004.

However, the Bush administration has struggled to police the approval pipeline in recent months, resulting in leaks and outright sabotage, not to mention attacks on the approval distribution system by “insurgent journalists.”

Mr. Bush insisted that he would rescind the emergency order as soon as The New York Times, Washington Post, ABC, CBS, NBC or CNN put a Republican in charge of the newsroom.

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