(2007-07-31) — An amendment to the House lobbying reform bill would completely eliminate the power of legislators to allocate taxpayer dollars to pet projects through anonymous “earmarks” and replace it with a “totally reformed concept” which would allow lawmakers to allocate taxpayer dollars to pet projects through anonymous “nosemarks.”
“This is landmark legislation,” said one unnamed [...]

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(2007-07-29) — In an effort to quell debate over laboratory mice genetically-engineered to have schizophrenia, scientists at Johns Hopkins University have promised animal rights groups that after their experiments, they’ll make every effort to ‘mainstream’ the mice into society.
“They won’t be institutionalized for the rest of their lives, surrounded by people in white coats,” said [...]

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(2007-07-27) — A report in an aviation magazine that NASA astronauts have flown the space shuttle while intoxicated on at least two occasions was vehemently rejected by an attorney for the unnamed astronauts as “just another example of spacial profiling.”
“Astronauts are different than mainstream Americans,” said the unnamed attorney. “They look different, they dress different, [...]

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THIS IS NOT SATIRE.
Faithful ScrappleFace readers know that editor Scott Ott is also director of a Christian children’s camp called Victory Valley Camp, in Zionsville, Pennsylvania.
As an expression of gratitude for the sacrifice of our troops deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan, Victory Valley Camp is offering a free week of day camp (ages 5-to-11) or [...]

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(2007-07-25) — Building on his debate remark that, as president, Barack Obama would meet face-to-face with the leaders of China, North Korea, Iran, Syria and Venezuela, the Illinois Democrat Senator today said that he also plans to solve “perhaps the world’s greatest problem” through executive-level bilateral talks with the Prince of Darkness, Satan.
“As I see [...]

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NOT SATIRE…
FREE CAMP UPDATE…
ScrappleFace editor-in-chief Scott Ott, is also Executive Director of a Christian children’s ministry called Victory Valley Camp, in Zionsville, PA. Recently the camp began offering a free week to children who have a military parent deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan in 2007. When word got out, contributions came in even before campers. [...]

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(2007-07-22) — Following several hours as “acting president” of the U.S., Dick Cheney voluntarily relinquished the title back to George Bush yesterday when the latter emerged from sedation after a colonoscopy.
Administration spokesman Tony Snow said the White House functioned normally during Mr. Bush’s procedure, and that having the vice president officially at the helm may [...]

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