(2002-11-30) — A new survey of U.S. retailers finds that store managers whose sales are slumping blame the 9-11 terrorist attack rather than poor customer service.
Jewel Naismith, a slack-jawed teen “service associate” at an unnamed mall store, sports a pierced tongue, crimson brushcut hair and low-rider jeans that frequently reveal a dragon tattoo on her [...]

[Read more →]

(2002-11-29) — While Hans Blix and his United Nations team hunt for weapons in factories and laboratories, the latest intelligence out of Iraq indicates Saddam has been far more clever in hiding chemical, biological and nuclear weapons.
Fox News and the Times of London reported today that some weapons components may be hidden in the [...]

[Read more →]

(2002-11-28) — The first two days of U.N. inspections in Iraq have revealed that previous worst-case scenarios were too conservative. The truth is that Iraq possesses weapons of mass media (WMM), and Saddam Hussein has already unleashed these agents of disruption.
“We were ready for anthrax, sarin, even plutonium,” said chief inspector Hans Blix, “but to [...]

[Read more →]

(2002-11-28) — Reuters, the international news service, has declared Thanksgiving to be a “secular” holiday. As a result, Americans today will gather with family around a bountiful meal and “thank their lucky stars” as well as random forces of nature for the haphazard way their lives have turned out.
As part of a story about how [...]

[Read more →]

(2002-11-27) — Despite Al Gore’s belief that people who make fun of him do so because of their “postmodern” worldview, the latest Gallup poll shows that a broad spectrum of Americans enjoy laughing at the foibles of the former vice president.
Mr. Gore, asked by the New York Observer to explain what motivates the “ceaseless lampooning” [...]

[Read more →]

(2002-11-26) — The nation’s most intelligent people, those who operate Universities, are at a loss to explain why hundreds of college football fans commit acts of vandalism and violence after big games.
“So far we have ruled out the effects of alcohol on young people with no accountability and no respect for authority,” said one university [...]

[Read more →]

(2002-11-26) -The last three po`ouli birds known to exist were captured today in Hawaii, and a researcher says that despite their exotic color pattern and small size, they “taste like chicken.”
The scientist, who works with the Hawaii Division of Forestry and Wildlife, said, “If I had not captured and consumed these birds today, they would [...]

[Read more →]