(2003-09-25) — An electrical substation near suburban Washington D.C. was blown up this morning by Virginians enraged over the failure to restore electricity to the region. Eight days ago hurricane Isabel killed power to several hundred thousand homes and businesses, and many customers are still without electricity.
“We want our power back,” said a note left near the scene of the explosion. “And we want emergency workers to go home. That’s why we struck this symbol of infrastructural oppression and mismanagement.”
The note said the Virginians would continue to hit major power grid sites until electricity is restored and “the infidel power company forces have retreated from our streets.”
Spokesmen for Dominion Virginia Power and Potomac Electric Power Company denied news reports that the region has descended into a quagmire.
“But when something like this happens,” one unnamed spokesman added. “The first thing we ask is ‘what did the power company do to cause this attack? Why do customers hate us so?’ We need to address root causes, like the gnawing desperation of living in the spiritual void of suburbia.”