Qaeda Follows Senate Lead on Humane Treatment
By Scott Ott, Editor-in-Chief, ScrappleFace.com
News Fairly Unbalanced. We Report. You Decipher.
(2006-09-15) — Just a day after the Senate Armed Services committee rebuffed the Bush administration’s efforts to allow aggressive interrogation techniques on captured terror suspects, a spokesman for al Qaeda praised the committee’s 15-9 vote and said it would, in turn, make its prisoner treatment protocols more humane.
“We were inspired by the humanitarianinfidels in the Senate to update our own procedures,” said the unnamed al Qaeda spokesman in an audiotape released through Al Jazeera’s CNN news division. “We have approved a three-step plan aimed at improving our humanitarian image around the world.”
According to the source, al Qaeda has already issued the following new guidelines to its terror cells worldwide via overnight donkey courier:
1) Avoid taking prisoners.
2) Use a sharp sword and a brisk side-to-side motion.
3) Grant a speedy trial after beheading.
Republican Senators John McCain of Arizona, John Warner of Virginia and Lindsey Graham of South Carolina, who spearheaded the effort to block the president’s proposal, welcomed the al Qaeda announcement as “a positive and hopeful step toward full moral equivalency between the warring superpowers.”
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URLs in this post:
rebuffed: http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601103&sid=aothcPLzAytM
allow: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/09/14/AR2006091400160.html
infidels: http://wizbangblog.com/2006/09/14/republicans-in-the-senate-armed-services-committee-pass-alternative-bill-on-terror-tribunals.php
Avoid taking prisoners: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,213921,00.html
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