(2005-04-28) — Republicans in the House and Senate today introduced bills which would redefine the word “majority” to mean “a group compelled to do the will of a smaller group.”

The change in definition is designed to bring the word back in line with current usage and practice, according to an unnamed Senate source.

The new definition of majority should help Republicans “deflect criticism from staunch conservatives who believe the antiquated, intolerant concept that ‘majority rule’ requires the more numerous group to prevail,” the source said.

“When Republicans go to the polls in 2006,” he added, “they must understand that victory for conservatives consists of getting the privilege to serve in the federal government which our Democrat colleagues created, not in changing that government to suit our own narrow ideology.”

In the short term, experts said, the redefinition of ‘majority’ should clear up controversies about judicial confirmations, Rep. Tom DeLay’s alleged ethics breaches and John Bolton’s nomination as U.N. Ambassador.

“Republicans value results,” said the Senate source. “If that means we have to adopt the Democrat agenda to get things done, then so be it. At least we’ll get results.”