(2005-01-25) — In another apparent attempt to position herself as a centrist candidate for the White House in 2008, Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY, yesterday told 1,000 abortion supporters that she’s neither pro-life nor pro-choice.

“I’m Pro-Chife,” she announced to the stunned crowd. “Being pro-chife means you support a woman’s right to end the life of a fetus that will never exist because the government will prevent the pregnancy.”

Mrs. Clinton said the federal government should announce a policy of “zero tolerance” for unwanted pregnancies, and could begin to achieve the goal through a combination of condom distribution and government promotion of homosexuality in the public schools.

“And while critics will note that the government already does that, I believe that these are just intermediate measures,” she said. “Ultimately, abortion is caused by pregnancy, which is a manufacturing activity carried on by small enterprises with no government regulation. During the 109th Congress, we plan to expand the mandate of the Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) and the IRS to regulate and tax the production of human embryos. We have found that the best way to control any creative activity is with government oversight and taxes.”

Mrs. Clinton said she looks forward to the day when the burden of filing OSHA and IRS paperwork makes pregnancy “safe, legal, expensive and rare.”