(2005-01-20) — President George Bush is reportedly considering a draft of a proposed inaugural address which strikes a conciliatory tone toward Mr. Bush’s ideological opponents, according to an unnamed White House speechwriter.

Although the president has publicly mapped an ambitious agenda for his second term, the speech has him saying, “I am conscious of the fact that if three or four million votes had gone the other way, or if all the votes had been counted in Ohio, I’d be cleaning out my desk. Not only do I lack a mandate, I’m lucky to have a desk. So, I will lay aside my divisive second-term agenda and look to Democrats in Congress to take the initiative.”

The 17-minute address includes what the speechwriter said is a “renewed progressive vision for America that the president will call Compassionate Collaboratism.”

“During my campaign, I said I wanted to protect our Constitution, fix the Social Security bureaucracy, limit government spending and increase academic rigor in our public schools,” Mr. Bush is slated to say, “But in the interest of unity, I will now devote myself to protecting the Social Security bureaucracy, fixing our Constitution, increasing the deficit and limiting academic rigor so our public schools have more time to teach the fundamentals of diversity, tolerance and safe sex.”

The president’s new vision would also reportedly re-shape the war on terror.

“We are led, by events and common sense, to one conclusion: the survival of liberty in our land increasingly depends on getting permission from politicians in Europe and other lands,” Mr. Bush would say. “In a world moving toward liberty, we are determined to slow the pace of change until our allies, who already enjoy liberty, are prepared to welcome the oppressed into the community of free peoples.”

The address ends with a dramatic rhetorical flourish which captures the new spirit of global unity.

“We love freedom in America, but I’m no longer sure everybody deserves to be free — in fact, a lot of folks don’t even want to be free. They enjoy the guidance, boundaries and wisdom provided by despotic dictators and theological tyrants. Who are we to interfere with their time-tested cultures? And frankly, we relish the cheap manufactured goods and volatile market conditions that often result from totalitarian regimes. Thank you. Good luck to you. And good luck to the United States of America.”