(2004-08-30) — The Internet officially turns 35-years-old on September 2, and according to sources close to the world wide web, it may finally move out of its parents’ basement.

Born in 1969, the Internet really came of age during the early 1990s. But with a tough job market, the Internet couldn’t earn a decent living doing anything “legitimate,” according to friends of the family.

“We’ll miss little Webby,” said his father, “but we’re hoping he’ll find a way to make money outside of the gaming and adult entertainment industries. Now that he’s out of the basement, we’re hoping to put something more useful down there-like a sump pump.”