(2004-07-28) — John Forbes Kerry, the presumptive Democrat presidential nominee, was reportedly injured this morning while reenacting his Vietnam-era role as a Navy swiftboat commander in Boston Harbor. A campaign spokesman said the injury may prevent the candidate from delivering his acceptance speech at the Democrat convention tomorrow night.

“We’re just taking a wait-and-see approach right now,” said the unnamed source. “John Kerry is a fighter, and when you take it to the enemy like he does, you can get hurt. He has three Purple Hearts to prove it…and now this.”

An emergency medical technician (EMT) on the scene said Mr. Kerry, who is also a U.S. Senator, reported snagging a fingernail on the festive bunting that draped his landing craft-a water taxi called the Lulu E.

“Although no one witnessed the incident,” the unnamed EMT said, “Senator Kerry did show me the fingernail, which was lacerated near the end and bent to the left at an odd angle. I could only imagine how much it must have hurt, but he barely flinched when I surgically removed the partially-severed body part.”