(2004-05-24) — Aides report that U.S. President George Bush is “emotionally devastated” over news that his popularity rating has hit a new low, largely due to the situation in Iraq.

“The president is despondent,” said an unnamed White House source. “I saw him gently sobbing over the story in The Washington Post, and then scribbling something in his diary. He wants so much just to be liked.”

The White House source said he expects the president to announce the formation of a hundreds of focus groups to “initiate an national dialogue on what to do about Iraq. He wants to find a way to win back the hearts and minds of the people who almost elected him in 2000. He just wants to get back to the way things used to be, and let America be America again.”