Bush Orders ‘Poorly Managed’ Bin Laden Capture
By Scott Ott, Editor-in-Chief, ScrappleFace.com
News Fairly Unbalanced. We Report. You Decipher.
(2003-12-23) — To minimize criticism that he is manipulating news events for personal political benefit, President George Bush has ordered the Pentagon to ensure that the eventual capture of Usama bin Laden appears “poorly managed.”
According to a leaked memo from Mr. Bush to top aides, the president was enraged at suggestions that the administration had scheduled the arrest of Saddam Hussein to give Mr. Bush a year-end boost in the polls.
“I don’t want to give critics a chance to accuse me of political motives in the war on terror,” Mr. Bush wrote. “So, make sure your people do everything in their power to ‘catch’ UBL at a time, and in a way that cannot possibly benefit me or the Bush 2004 campaign.”
In the memo, the president suggested several “alternative UBL capture scenarios”:
- “Get Pervez [Musharraf, President of Pakistan] to invite French President Chirac to Pakistan for a meeting, and then let Chirac ’stumble upon’ UBL while he’s out digging for truffles or something.”
- “Tranquilize UBL and leave him in the makeup room backstage at the Fleet Center during the Democrat convention in July.”
- “Have our Special Forces boys wear baby-blue helmets for the photos.”
White House insiders say the president’s political advisor, Karl Rove, is tasked with “keeping the president’s name out of the papers” for at least a week after the arrest of Mr. Bin Laden.
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suggestions: http://www.seattleweekly.com/features/0351/031217_news_mossback.php
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