(2008-03-25) — In a week when 76 Democrat lawmakers sent a letter to a House panel urging an end to federal funding for abstinence-education programs, a new study by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) shows that abstinence not only prevents pregnancy and sexually-transmitted diseases, but it can also radically reduce abortions and some types of news conferences by political figures.
“While standard sex-education curricula have a degree of impact on embarassing new conferences,” a CDC spokesman said, “the data show that when politicians actually abstain from extra-marital affairs, liaisons with prostitutes and intimacy with interns, we see a 95-percent reduction in the strain of news conference that involves a dazed wife standing next to a humliated public official.”
Based on the results of the study, the CDC recommends federally-funded abstinence education for every state and federal lawmaker as well as candidates for political office.
The proposal has already met resistance in Congress, where a competing measure calls for giving politicians the choice to immediately terminate an “unwanted news conference” with no public relations consequences.
25 responses so far ↓
1 woodnwheel // Mar 25, 2008 at 11:38 am
First!
Ouch, Scott! Good one!
wv: Cocoa reached — good thing there’s an “a” in that first word or I’d have to resist the urge to make a call girl-related joke!
2 A Plea to end unwanted news conferences · A Soft Answer // Mar 25, 2008 at 11:38 am
[...] Plea to end unwanted news conferences - “CDC: Abstinence Prevents Some News Conferences” In a week when 76 Democrat lawmakers sent a letter to a House panel urging an end to federal [...]
3 boberinyetagain // Mar 25, 2008 at 11:42 am
Only if it’s withing the first 3 sentences, otherwise you have to go through with it.
Then, if you want, you can ask around to see if anyone else would like to take charge and raise your mistake…
incidents ambitions, even incidences need a dream!
4 Hawkeye // Mar 25, 2008 at 11:46 am
Maybe they should just practice “safe sex” like Leslie Nielson in Naked Gunâ„¢?
5 Hawkeye // Mar 25, 2008 at 11:56 am
Asking Democrats to support abstinence-education is like asking the NRA to support gun-control.
6 boberinyetagain // Mar 25, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Abstinence should always be the first thing mentioned and the thing most stressed. However, since we live in a real world that simply can’t be the end of the discussion.
1000 vestment, one more vestment than 999
7 Maggie // Mar 25, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Woodnwheel ……..off topic
Did you once write that you live in the Hampton Roads area(VB?)
Though now living in NC, my home is the Hpt.Rds.area.
Please contact me by contacting one of the regular SF comenters for my email.(that is if you have such)Thanks.
8 Fred Sinclair // Mar 25, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Just in from Angus:
Mom’s a blonde?
When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at “Mom†and pushed send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened.
“Don’t worry,†she said, “I’ll take care of it.â€
A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was “Mom.â€
“Martin,†she said, “you left your cell phone at the convenience store.â€
Heirborn Ranger
9 woodnwheel // Mar 25, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Maggie: I contacted one of the regulars for your e-mail, hopefully you’ll be hearing from me in the next few minutes/hours…
Lorena Jer- — nothing witty to say here, just an observation: this is the first time I can recall seeing a wv with punctuation…
10 woodnwheel // Mar 25, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Heirborn: Who/what is Angus (other than a Scottish cow)?
Lacey reads — Doggone it, I want to make a “Party of Five”-related joke, but I can’t come up with anything!
11 Ms RightWing, Ink // Mar 25, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Safe sex? I just read in Prevention Magazine that ulcers are caused by a virus transmitted by lip to lip kissing? How many politicians have ulcers?
FYI: I e-mailed C.A.T. and she is doing fine, just busy trying to get ready for a wedding. She is taking shots for a couple of bad discs. I’m sure she would covet your prayers for all the work she needs to finish and a few failing bones within her body
Polish Taylor-shouldn’t that be Polish tailor?
12 boberinyetagain // Mar 25, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Ms…no, no no…Taylor isn’t shiny enough, silly girl…thus the admonition to polish him
but angels, nobody knows but them
13 Fred Sinclair // Mar 25, 2008 at 3:01 pm
woodnwheel: “Angus the Scot†is a highly valued friend that I got to know when he used to post regularly here on ScrappleFace. he hasn’t posted recently for reasons of his own.
Heirborn Ranger
14 mindknumbed kid // Mar 25, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Perhaps what we need to add to the abstinance education talks are free chastity belts, maybe even let the young studs know that if any young girls end up in “the family way” that DNA testing will be done and if it turns out that they are the culprit their future will include the implementation of one of cHillary’s testy-cool lockboxes, plus a lifetime tax rate of 82.5% to fund programs to care for past out of wedlock childcare for teen mothers.
15 mindknumbed kid // Mar 25, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Well say hey to Angus the Scot for me, he oughtsta come around once in a while for old time’s sake.
16 woodnwheel // Mar 25, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Heirborn: Thanks for the clarification.
Maggie: I e-mailed you a while ago, still waiting for a reply
(No rush, of course)
arm Monday — No way, it’s trouble enough as it is — imagine if it were armed!
17 boberinyetagain // Mar 25, 2008 at 3:25 pm
MKK, soon enough 82.5% will seem darned reasonable, part of the “good old days” as it were…
you emilio, yeah YOU!
18 Fred Sinclair // Mar 25, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Hawkeye #5 - But the NRA is probably the strongest supporter of gun control in all America.
The NRA even goes the extra mile and sponsors classes to help tyros learn to control their gun.
I think their first lesson in gun control involves a firm two handed grasp. the second is to exhale about half breath, the third is a firm,steady squeeze on the trigger.
It’s the same gun control I support. Plus I add that true gun control is simply being able to hit your target. (satire mode - on & off)
Heirborn Ranger
19 mindknumbed kid // Mar 25, 2008 at 4:45 pm
boberin - I believe there are already a lot of our fellow citizens would be happy to fork over 100% of their wages if big brother would take care of their every need. I wonder if we elect cHillary if we will be able to change it to big mother? With more and more adult men still living at home years after school days are ended it would probably be a “dream come true” for the underachieving young men of today.
20 MajorDomo // Mar 25, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Abstinence works well only when the population understands why there is a need for it. Without that, it, and all the rest, are all just bandaging the scratch on a broken arm.
21 mindknumbed kid // Mar 25, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Their solution to the problem is to teach them how to avoid an unwanted pregnancy. Not to maintain and teach and instill values that will give the youth strength and character needed to build good citizens. Knowing how to use a condom or alternative sex techniques (to intercourse) may prevent teen pregnancies, but it will leave us with a depraved, selfish, unsatisfied society.
22 MajorDomo // Mar 25, 2008 at 9:31 pm
Well said, MKK!!
WV: Week’s Linen….what’s in my clothes hamper?
23 mindknumbed kid // Mar 25, 2008 at 9:37 pm
What is sad is that the “teachers” do not care about these kids well-being. It is like they want them to self-destruct, that comes from a source that is other than God.
24 PanamaRed // Mar 25, 2008 at 11:28 pm
Considering the examples the kids have to watch on tv and in magazines, I think we can credit them for seeing train wrecks in Hollywood and avoiding that. On the otherhand (so to speak)use of condoms may well prevent a child without a father or an abortion. It does at least show some responsibility on the male half, something we are often accused of ignoring.
Re, abstinence of reporters, they became scarce in Iraq when they found out the insurgents were picking them off right and left. Oops, that’s absence…they were abstinate when there was no one to ‘helical inclined slope fastener’ anyone at the press conferences since everyone was lying.
25 gafisher // Apr 7, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Hey, if abstinence works for smoking and “unhealthy” foods, why is it useless for curbing pregnancy?
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