Posts Tagged ‘novel Coronavirus’

COVID-19: Boris Before and After Pics Stun Brits

(2020-03-27) — The British public awakened this morning shocked to see the devastating impact of COVID-19 on Prime Minister Boris Johnson who just tested positive for the novel Coronavirus.

“He looks like he’s been smitten by a lorry,” said one gobsmacked Londoner upon seeing the images for the first time. “It’s horrible and pathetic. Look what it’s done to him!”

While the Prime Minister said his symptoms are relatively mild, most citizens have now seen the startling before and after pictures published in a British tabloid.

“They’re hushing up his true condition,” said an alarmed merchant from Shrimpshropshire, a suburb of London. “The pictures contradict the lies coming from Number 10 Downing.”

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COVID-19 Kills Plans to Eventually Meet Neighbors

Security camera footage captures the neighbors walking their dog at a time when the COVID-19 pandemic has killed long-held plans to get to know them.

(2020-03-23) — In perhaps the most devastating impact of the COVID-19 novel Coronavirus pandemic, Americans say the contagion brought to a complete halt their plans to eventually meet and get to know their neighbors.

“We were just saying last month that we should have them over for dinner or something,” said one township woman, whose neighbors moved in next door just 63 months ago. “This damned virus has killed our plans for a backyard barbecue with the…uh…the people at 1437 Spring Street. They don’t have their name on the mailbox or anything, but we keep seeing them on the security camera.”

Indeed the social-distancing tragedy has rippled through entire families, she said. 

“My son is stuck, self-quarantined with his video games at all hours of the day and night,” she lamented, “and because of the pandemic, he may never get to meet the neighbor’s kid, who, I think, is about his age.”

It seems like it was only September (2017) when the concerned Mom told her boy he should go over and say ‘Hi’ to the neighbor kid, and her son expressed “some interest in doing so when he got a chance.”

“Now we don’t know if that chance will ever come,” the township woman said, choking back her emotions. 

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