Archive for the ‘Entertainment’ Category

Robert Redford to Play Dan Rather in Talking Picture

Share Button

(2014-07-10) — Robert Redford will reportedly portray Dan Rather on the silver screen in the upcoming talkie called ‘Truth’, according to sources in Hollywood.

A talkie is a motion picture with a synchronized soundtrack so that the audience in the cinema can actually hear the actors’ words, rather than reading them from cards.

Robert Redford to play Dan Rather

Dashing Robert Redford will play doggedly determined Dan Rather in the new Hollywood talkie, ‘Truth.’

American teens will doubtless thrill at the opportunity to see the boyishly handsome Mr. Redford as the passionate reporter, so committed to ‘Truth’ that he’s willing to use forged documents to get at it.

The story recalls Mr. Rather’s efforts to faithfully cover George W. Bush’s presidential reelection campaign by showing that Bush’s Vietnam-era National Guard service kept him stateside, out of harm’s way, thanks to the influence of his powerful father, George H.W. Bush.

Rather’s dogged pursuit of truth led him, ultimately, away from his 24-year career as anchor of the CBS Evening News, after some young men in pajamas, sequestered in their mothers’ basements, challenged the authenticity of the documents. Rather still contends that, Nobody has proved that they were fraudulent, much less a forgery. … The truth of this story stands up to this day.”

Of course, history — in the form of this new Robert Redford film — will vindicate Rather’s assessment that they were  “fake but accurate.” The only question that remains is whether today’s audiences will be able to “suspend disbelief” long enough to believe that people actually used to watch programs like the CBS Evening News while sitting in front of a television set.

Obama Scolds USA Soccer Team for Beating Ghana

Share Button

(2014-06-17) — At a Rose Garden ceremony today, President Obama officially rebuked the U.S. soccer team for its victory over Ghana in yesterday’s World Cup match, noting that the shocking outcome merely “exacerbates the negative image that African nations have of America as a bully and oppressor.”

Secretary of State Kerry doing ball tricks

Secretary of State John Kerry practices a trick he hopes to perform for the president of Ghana as goodwill gesture following President Obama’s apology for his nation’s treatment of the Ghanian national soccer team this week.

“Worse than the way the Americans treated Ghana on the field,” said Obama, “is the unseemly crowing afterward, and all the chanting of “USA! USA!” I don’t think people realize how offensive that is to African ears…I’m told.”

This morning, Mr. Obama called the president of Ghana, John Dramani Mahama, to apologize for the incident, which he admitted “seems reminiscent of the arrogant era of Western conquest and colonialism.”

The White House said the president dispatched Secretary of State John Kerry to the region for a seven-nation African apology tour. Mr. Kerry will bring the message that “the African continent was the cradle of humanity, and therefore, the birthplace of soccer…and everything else.”

Secretary Kerry will follow that mission with another tour to apologize for incorrectly calling the sport “soccer,” admitting that Americans “stole its proper name — ‘football’ — for our own brutal sport.”

Drunkards, Idolaters Urge A&E to Cancel ‘Duck Dynasty’

Share Button

Duck Dynasty

‘Duck Dynasty’ would be cancelled immediately if A&E hears the protests of America’s drunkards, idolaters and adulterers.

(2013-12-21) — More protest erupted Friday over ‘Duck Dynasty’ patriarch Phil Robertson’s remarks to GQ magazine, as drunkards, idolaters and adulterers across the nation called on A&E to cancel the most popular program in cable TV history.

“Phil Robertson’s drunkaphobic, idolaphobic and adulteraphobic attitudes have no place on the public airwaves,” according to an unnamed spokesman for a coalition of oppressed groups. “Robertson’s distortions of the Bible would have people believe that God condemns lifestyles that our members find satisfying.”

The source said most Americans have come to understand and accept that drunkenness, idolatry and marital infidelity are not mere behavioral choices, but fundamental aspects of personality that make each human unique and special.

“Why would a loving God want to deprive his people of the pleasure of just being who they are,” he said. “A&E should cancel ‘Duck Dynasty’ until Phil Robertson recants, and rejects his chosen lifestyle as a religious bigot.”

Obama: A&E Should Reinstate ‘Duck Dynasty’ Patriarch

Share Button

Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasy

Phil Robertson, star of A&E’s ‘Duck Dynasty’, said he’s humbled by President Obama’s support, after losing his job due to comments about homosexuality.


(2013-12-19) — Calling A&E’s suspension of ‘Duck Dynasty’ patriarch Phil Robertson “a chilling crackdown on free speech in an artistic community that should value individual expression,” President Barack Obama today urged the Arts & Entertainment network to reinstate Robertson immediately, and to apologize for its “hypocrisy.”

“There are no bigger fans of Duck Dynasty than Michele and me,” Obama said. “And while I have my disagreements with Mr. Robertson’s views on homosexuality, as expressed in GQ magazine, I’ll defend with my last breath Robertson’s right to express those views.”

The White House acknowledged that the private company has the right to fire Robertson for expressing his opinion, based on the Bible, that homosexuality is one kind of sin among many.

“But the president felt compelled to speak out,” said press secretary Jay Carney, “because his silence might be perceived as assent among his many entertainment industry supporters who hold freedom of expression in the highest esteem.”

Indeed, the Screen Actors Guild, Writers Guild of America and dozens of A-list movie and TV stars issued news releases or held press conferences echoing the president’s call to let Robertson return to the highest-rated show in the history of cable television.

“A chill wind is blowing in this nation,” said actor-director Tim Robbins. “It’s great to see President Obama speaking out against ideological intimidation that masquerades as tolerance and diversity.”

Obama Plan to Gamify HealthCare.gov ‘Catching Fire’

Share Button

(2013-11-21) — In order to lighten the load on the HealthCare.gov website, the White House announced today that each county in the nation will have one designated individual to apply for high-quality, low-cost healthcare on behalf of the citizens of that county.

Because the website is not designed to handle as many as 3,144 users at once, the Department of Health and Human Services will sponsor a televised contest among the chosen representatives, and citizens of the survivor’s county will get to move to the head of the ObamaCare application line.

“I know we’ve made some false steps and suffered some stumbles,” said President Obama about his signature legislation’s rollout, “but I’m confident that this is the final solution.”

The move, implemented by Executive Order No. 12345 late last night, “not only begins to address the challenge of America’s under-crowded medical waiting rooms,” the president said. “But it does so in an entertaining way, inspiring each American to cheer on his or her player, and to hope for the best.”

“While I’m sure Republican skeptics will predict failure,” Mr. Obama added, “I can already see this idea catching fire.”

Obama Proud of NBA Player Coming Out as Brony

Share Button
Obama praises Brony basketball proPresident Obama preemptively praised an unnamed NBA player as a “civil rights trailblazer” when he learned the pro athlete will soon ‘come out’ as a Brony.”

President Obama said he’s proud of an as-yet-unnamed NBA free agent slated to “come out” later this week as a Brony. The mystery basketball pro has reportedly led a secret life as a devotee of the “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic” animated series, and until now was unwilling to admit “who I really am” to his teammates.

Upon learning of the imminent revelation, the president phoned the Brony-ballplayer to praise him in advance as a “civil rights trailblazer,” and to tell him that his openness about his true identity will “surely pave the way for other prominent public figures to come out of the shadows.”

The White House, however, denied rumors that the president himself is a closeted Brony, but cautioned that the denial doesn’t imply that anything would be wrong if he were.

The player, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the president’s personal involvement overwhelms him, and makes his pending announcement seem much more significant — or in his words, “bigger than Benghazi.”

The NBA and the players’ union immediately unveiled a program designed “to ease the transition for Brony players, and to create an atmosphere of tolerance, acceptance, and recognition of the outstanding achievements that closeted Bronies have made to the game for years.”

New Movie Ratings Get Specific, Guard Kids

Share Button
Chris Dodd, CEO of MPAA on new movie rating systemChris Dodd, CEO of MPAA, explains the new ‘Check the Box’ movie rating system, demonstrating a stereotypical gesture that would be flagged to let parents better protect their children.

The Motion Picture Association of America has rolled out its new ‘Check the Box‘ campaign, designed to give parents more information, along with movie letter ratings, to determine if a film is appropriate for children, according to MPAA Chairman and Executive Chris Dodd, the former Democrat U.S. Senator.

“A lot of parents want to take their kids to a particular movie,” Dodd said, “but they’re concerned that the film may contain inappropriate themes — like an unabashed patriotic pro-American bias, monogamous heterosexual marriage relationships, heroic portrayals of business people or soldiers, gratuitous consumption of meat products and large sugary beverages, or scenes where people criticize their government without suffering the consequences.”

Dodd said the new ‘Check the Box’ campaign will fill the information void in the previous letter-based ratings system that often left parents wondering why a movie had been labeled PG-13, R or NC-17.

“Often parents would screen these movies first to protect their kids, and come out of the theater scratching their heads over why the film got a restrictive rating when it contained little but ordinary graphic violence, nudity, sexual acts and obscene language,” said Dodd. “So, then they have to go back, taking their young children, and wind up paying to see the movie twice. That’s not fair.”

Facebook Redesign Mimics Newspaper, Delivered Daily

Share Button

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced yesterday that the social site’s new interface will look more like a newspaper, in response to user nostalgia over the papers they no longer subscribe to at home.

“Not only will it look like a newspaper,” said Zuckerberg, “but starting next week, Facebook will be delivered to you once each day.”

The young billionaire predicted that daily Facebook delivery would increase GDP in the U.S. and other nations by up to 11 percent, since the current 24/7 non-stop streaming interface is “an addictive, soul-sapping time-suck that kills worker productivity.”

Zuckerberg said users of the Facebook mobile app — for iDevices and Android — will soon get “the most realistic newspaper experience ever” when the firm rolls out its “virtual ink” version, with type that actually rubs off on your fingers when you swipe the screen.

Facebook to Mimic Newspaper

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg said people miss the newspapers they cancelled years ago, so he’s changing the social site’s interface to be more “Victorian.”

Jeb Bush Won’t Rule Out ‘American Idol’ Audition

Share Button

Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush told NBC TODAY’s Matt Lauer he won’t rule out an audition for the TV talent contest ‘American Idol’ some time in the next three years.

“I have a voice and a message to share,” Bush told Lauer, ” and I want to bring it to a world that’s lost its way.”

Nevertheless, Bush said he is “not officially announcing” his intention to try out for the popular singing show just yet.

“I’m really waiting for the right moment to make up my mind,” Bush said. “There are still a lot of people who have not had the chance to beg me to try out for Idol. It would not be fair to cheat them out of that opportunity.”

The son and brother of former U.S. Presidents, Jeb Bush is perhaps best known for his 1989 performance in the front row of a Miami Sound Machine concert, when he actually sang, and led a conga line, all the way around a packed arena, catching the eye of then-rising star Gloria Estefan.

Rep. Paul Ryan Cuts in for Slow Dance During Classic Jeb Bush Conga Line

Rep. Paul Ryan (right) cuts in for a slow dance as Jeb Bush (left) tries to reenact his classic ’89 ‘Miami Sound Machine’ conga line. Bush said, “I suppose Ryan can’t control himself any longa.”