Posts Tagged ‘Wall Street’

The Village Voice Ceases: May Get Haircut, Real Job

(2018-09-01) — The Village Voice website stopped posting new content Friday, one year after the former New York City tabloid ceased print publication.

In a written statement, The Voice said it plans to “get a haircut, get a real job and maybe a rent-controlled apartment where I won’t have to sleep on the couch anymore.”

Spawned in 1955 by four men — including liberal activist, novelist and playwright Norman Mailer — The Voice really bloomed during the beatnik and hippie eras as a Left-wing, opinion-drenched, pseudo-journalistic vanity project, similar to The New York Times, only weekly.

“I’m too old for this sh**,” The Voice confided to an unnamed source. “Dude, my old Ivy League pals are making bank on Wall Street, driving Tesla’s and vacationing in the Hamptons. Meanwhile, I’m still shacking up in a buddy’s apartment in Greenwich Village, sleeping on the couch, and eating Ramen…and I’m almost 63.”

The Voice plans to “look for a job where I can sleep late, get paid to shoot off my mouth whenever I want just to piss people off, but do it wearing a suit and tie so it looks legit, you know?”

However, The Voice is not sure which political office he’ll seek first.

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Sanders Win Spurs Billionaires’ Offer to Leave U.S.

Billionaires will politely leave country after Sanders' election

Billionaires said it would be relatively easy for them to leave the country, if Bernie Sanders becomes president. “After all,” said one, “we have fine fleets of luxury jets, and ostentatious motor cars.”

(2016-02-02) — In the wake of Sen. Bernie Sanders’ strong showing in the Iowa caucuses Tuesday, the trade association representing America’s billionaires announced that if Sanders wins the White House they would all “just politely leave.”

“There’s no need for a revolution,” said an unnamed spokesman for the billionaires. “We’ve all agreed that it would be better for the country, and for President Sanders’ coronary health, if we just politely leave.”

Sanders, a self-designated Socialist and registered Democrat, frequently rails against income inequality, and the high cost of a college education, and says he’ll tax Wall Street speculators and billionaires to pay for solutions to all of that and more.

“Most of us, with the exception of Donald Trump, live relatively quiet lives,” the billionaire spokesman said. “But revolutions are noisy and messy, and really not our style. No hard feelings toward President Sanders. Best of luck, old chap.”

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